AMPro's Journal

Franklin Lopez is in Buffalo this Friday

2011-05-14T18:32:00.000-04:00

One day, about five years ago, I was clicking around the web looking for
something and I found something else. Without really trying to I found myself watching
the film, Join the Resistance: Fall in Love by Franklin Lopez. It's probably not
work safe, but it was extremely inspiring.

http://www.spike.com/video-clips/ejem0u/join-the-resistance-fall-in-love

So I subsribed to his YouTube channel and that led me to checking in on his
website fairly regularly. Over the course of the next several years I found a lot of
my ideas being heavily influenced by the film clips that he was churning out. In 2009 I
recorded a CD and asked him if he would mind me using his voice on it. I asked my neighbor
Roxanne to record a vocal piece for it also. And I also asked my friend Leslie
James Pickering, who's activism I have a deep and abiding respect for, to record a piece
for my CD as well.

At the tail end of last year I read a post from Franklin Lopez that he was giving
up his appartment, buying a van, and touring around North America to promote his new movie
END:CIV which is based on the books ENDGAME I and II by Derrick Jensen. I suggested that
he should come through Buffalo and invited my neighbor Roxanne to help organize it and
my friend Leslie James Pickering to do a brief presentation. Roxanne has found the perfect
location for it at the Adam Mickiewicz Library, and a few weeks ago Franklin Lopez stopped
here in Buffalo and did an interview with Roxanne that turned out really great.

http://www.spiritmorphstudio.com/audio/frankLopez2W-DJ-20may2011-10.28.mp3

I highly, highly --and even more highly-- recommend folks stop by the Polish Library this
Friday to see Franklin Lopez present END:CIV in person. And please help get the word
out between now and then.

we would love to see you there,

-Alex Mead

------------------

Event Flyer:

http://sharedcalendarproject.com/images/EndCivInBuffalo.jpg

facebook page:

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=214650448562754

[invite people!]

END:CIV website

http://www.endciv.com/

Leslie James Pickering:

http://lesliejamespickering.com/

Polyamory

2009-02-15T15:53:00.000-05:00

Polyamory
(Feb.14.2009)

So this storytelling painting here (unlike the last two) I'm pretty sure I know what it's supposed to be about. There's happy people in it, and they're touching each other. That's one of my favorite stories.

So this weekend has been a really interesting BloodThirsty Vegans week (that's the name of my band). The old school UU BloodThirsty Vegans met last night and started planning this year's church service (YES! I get to rap in church again!) which will take place March 22nd. And the current BloodThirsty Vegans are meeting tonight to rehearse for a bunch of shows coming up in March (including one on March 21st) so if any of my out of town friends would like to come visit that weekend I will find you a nice place to stay and make sure you are fed. If not, we'll try to get out of Buffalo this summer and come play shows around (maybe you can find us a nice place to stay and make sure we're fed.). The BloodThirsty Vegans also have back to back shows on March 6th and 7th (Dance Alive and a show at Merlin's Saturday Night). Come see us and dance with us and stuff. We have fun new songs (and fun old songs).

peace,
-Alex

Ex-Champion

2009-02-10T14:16:00.001-05:00

Ex-Champion
(Feb.10.2009)

So here's another storytelling painting I did in January. Again, not really sure what the story is exactly, but I learned to use the flat brush to paint the background here which turned out nicer than the backgrounds I'd done before.

Yesterday I did my first ray tracing in about 4 years. Ray tracing is a way to create 3D photorealistic images that come out pretty good. You can get a free copy of the program I use here (PERSISTENCE OF VISION - RayTrace Engine). And now I've started creating Ray Traces and doing digital painting on top of them which looks reallyy super cool. So that might help me make better looking backgrounds than ever. I should really get a move on about putting a decent gallery up at AMProSoft.com. That's been on my to do list for a year now. *sigh*.

Peace,
-Alex

Barkeep's Daughter

2009-02-05T21:17:00.002-05:00

Barkeep's Daughter
(Feb.05.2009)

Here's a painting I did a while back called Barkeep's Daughter. I have no idea what it's all about, but I know that I like it. I wanted to work on my story-telling abilities with paint. And I feel like there is definitely a story going on in this painting. Have no idea what it is though. If it's obvious to you what's going on here, please let me know.

So, after 3 years of killing myself for the man and working to make my boss and our customer as much money as I possibly could, I have been denied unemployment. New York State (in it's infinite wisdom) has decided to classify me as fully employed. Why? Because I run a website at AMProSoft.com and someone COULD conceivably buy one of my books at some point. Or a t-shirt. Nevermind the fact that no one (not even myself) has ever bought one of those AMProSoft t-shirts on the website and the last book I sold on the web was in 2006 or something, just the fact SOMBODY could THEORETICALLY buy something from my website... means that not only am I employed, not only am I full-time, but I'm all-time employed. Yep, I'm fully employed even when I'm asleep. 24 hours, 7 days a week, employed. Don't make any money, can't aford to live, but I'm apparently very, very employed every moment of the day.

If you're in or around Western New York tomorrow and you want to see me rap/perform, I'll be performing a lot at Dance Alive tomorrow. Here's the facebook event page http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/event.php?eid=49046561532. Really fun night of food, music & dancing. Dance to keep warm, dance your blues away, dance my blues away, dance because it's Friday, or...really, who even needs a reason? Let's DANCE!

Peace,
-Alex

Sports

2009-02-01T22:52:00.000-05:00

Sports
(Feb.01.2009)

A guy stopped me on the street today and asked if I had a quarter to spare. I'm still super broke and deep in debt and all that, but I had a quarter to spare. But I had to fish it out. As I'm fishing it out he starts making a bit of small talk. He asks 'Who you votin' for tonight?' 'There are no elections tonight,' I replied with a fair amount of certainty. Elections are never held on Sundays in America. I'm fairly certain of that. He clarified 'No. I mean which city you rootin for? Pittsburgh or Arizona?' At first I had a sinking feeling that this was some reality Television show thing, and feared that one of the "cities" was going to be voted off the map or something. Then it gradually dawned on me that this must be the Super Bowl thing I've been hearing rumblings about a few times through the week. I asked him if he was talking about football and he looked at me kind of funny. At first I replied that I had no tv and really didn't care much about the outcome. But then I gave a quick mental review of the options and realized that he had listed Pittsburgh as one of the options. When I watched American football Pittsburgh was always my favorite team (after Buffalo). I really, really like the city of Pittsburgh. If I were ever forced to leave Buffalo it's probably the place I'd chose to go. So I changed my "vote" to Pittsburgh and gave the guy a quarter.

So even though I have only watched a few glimpses of football on the internet this year and really hadn't thought much about it for the last couple months, it must have made its way into my consciousness somehow since I painted this picture more than three weeks ago. This picture, "Sports", was painted mostly using the mouse and using a program called GIMP (click here to check it out). I usually use the last version of Paintshop Pro that was made by Jasc (before they got bought out) to do my paintings. But I am trying to slowly get used to using GIMP. Since it's what I plan to use in the future. GIMP is open source and you can try it for free and you can pay what you think it's worth. That's the only kind of software I can afford, broke as I am. And I really like the idea of pay what you can when you can and the idea of teams of people coding software for people to use simply because they love coding. So I will definitely be using GIMP more and more as I get used to it.

Lastly, just wanted to say that I had the high honor of performing with Gruvology last night and they are an AMAZING musical experience. Buy their CD, but definitely catch them live any chance you get. They are breathtaking.

(next time I'll post a painting that's not a close up of a face. I promise.)

Peace,
-Alex

Space Suit

2009-01-23T21:28:00.000-05:00

Space Suit
(Jan.23.2009)

I was over to my neighbor's house (Radio Roxanne) and we were working on computer stuff, and she asked me if I had ever heard of a Wacom drawing tablet --it's a pad and pen that you can use as a pointing device (like a mouse but way different). I told her that I had one collecting dust at my house. My mother got it as a birthday gift for me at least ten years ago. I told her that I really couldn't make heads or tails of the thing.

So next she tells me that her friend Stephanie McMillan, creator of the comic strip "Minimum Security", had a similar experience (had a drawing tablet sitting around collecting dust) but had decided to give it another try and now found she could draw her comic strip much faster.

So I got home and decided to give it another go. I draw a few really aweful sketches with the thing and was just as frustrated as ever. Then I hunted around the internet for a bit and found a few tutorials and then things started to improve and a few attempts later I had come up with this picture here. Space Suit. Which I really like. One of my first "successes" with the thing. Best of all, it's like one last gift from my mother.

Yay team!
-Alex

Fatimah

2009-01-19T23:15:00.000-05:00

Fatimah
(Jan.19.2009)

Hey, hey, hey. Welcome back to my Blog. Sorry it's been so long; life's been happening to me... a lot.

So, anyhue, this is the digital diary where I write about my interests. And I have a new interest.

Painting.

There's something about "starving" and "artist" that just goes together. A couple months ago I lost my job. But my ex-boss told me to wait a month and see if we got called back to work. So I waited a month. Growing poorer by the day. But while I waited, I explored a desire of mine that I've had for ages. Ever since I was little I've felt like I could draw. And back when I published a comic magazine for three years I felt like I could color on the computer fairly well. But I always wished I could paint. Like really paint.

I tried taking a painting course in college. I had to withdraw so that I didn't flunk. I've gone to the web forums at forums.sijun.com/ for almost 10 years and just lurked around and stared in awe at the things people there can paint. But I've always felt rather hopeless when it comes to painting on my own. Well, no longer. This painting I've posted here, "Fatimah", is one of my latest. Not bad for only being two months in on this new endeavor. I'll post more on the specifics of how I got into painting next time. For now I just wanted to show some work.

Peace & Love,
-Alex

Inspiration for You

2008-11-14T06:10:00.001-05:00

Inspiration for You
by Alex Mead
(Nov.08.2008)

Can you feel the change? There are a lot of folks tossing around that word, change, lately. So much so that people are starting to believe in it. When lots of people actually believe they have to power to change things...they actually do.

Can you feel it? Feel the change comin? I wanted to put together a list of songs I've been listening to lately that deepen and intensify my belief.I recommend adding these folks as friends, visiting their pages often and listening to the songs that appeal to you as you need them.

---
Baba Israel and Yako 440
http://www.myspace.com/babaisraelandyako440
"feel the change"
Beatbox superstars Baba Israel & Yako 440 from New York build positivity with this track. This is the perfect song to set it off with. Lays the choice that's before us out there quite concisely.

---
My Rap Name is Alex
http://www.myspace.com/myrapnameisalex
"Peace & Love"
Before I get to far in I wanted to do a bit of what they call shameless self promotion. My song Peace & Love isn't even a real song. I got asked to play a benefit show to raise funds to help send people to the RNC protests in September and my friends in the band Ibis and I were just improvising around. I just quickly threw the lyrics from two different songs together and this is what came out. Peace & Love.

---
the BloodThirsty Vegans
http://www.myspace.com/bloodthirstyvegans
"Be Peace"
And my musical Family the BloodThirsty Vegans and I still have this song up from the first show I ever did with them. Oldie but goodie.

---
Michael Franti & Spearhead
http://www.myspace.com/spearheadvibrations
"Hey World (Don't Give Up)"
It always surprises me when people haven't heard of Michael Franti and Spearhead. They are so popular among my friends that I sometimes forget that they are still slightly obscure out in the general population. The majority of their music is very inspiring, you can pick most any song, but Hey World (Don't Give Up) is a good place to start if you've never heard of them.

---
Kevin Wykoff (Slug's Revenge)
http://www.myspace.com/slugsrevenge
"Rubber Tramp Family"
Slug's Revenge is a bit different from most of the music on this list, but different people draw inspiration from different places. I, personally, find Kevin Wykoff's music to be very inspiring. I met him a couple times here in Buffalo and he really does play the guitar that fast. I traded him one of my books for his CD and Rubber Tramp Family is one of my favorite songs on the CD. Two minutes of earthy bliss.

---
The Human Revolution
http://www.myspace.com/humanandtheotherhumans
"Public Servant"
I met human and his friends when they were traveling through the area in their biodiesel car. I got to play the Countries Game with him and I have to say the guy truly knows a lot about world geography. Knows a lot about a lot of things. It's quite evident in his lyrics. Public Servant seems like the kind of song that could really shift people's perspective since a lot of people aren't used to thinking in these terms.

---
Mystic
http://www.myspace.com/thatgirlmystic
"Beautiful Resistance"
Usually any song with the words "you belong to me" in it over and over again would go in one of my ears and out the other. But when it is talk of how we all belong to each other it's somehow beautiful and perfect. Every once in a while you run across a song where every word seems to be in just the right spot and like the lyrics are a sculpted work of art. This is just such a song. Almost every line in this track could stand alone as a beautiful and thought provoking quotation.

---
Ozomatli
http://www.myspace.com/ozomatli
"Can't Stop"
Ozomatli is another really popular band in certain circles and they keep right on keepin on and doing their thing. They are well worth checking out. 'We've got faith in what love can do. Don't look back we gonna make it through, got to keep movin.' Can't argue with that. They have a LOT of their music posted up on their page, so after you listen to Can't Stop you might wanna do some digging. I recommend flipping down to their Street Signs CD and listening to the 1st track "Believe". It's definitely inspiring.

---
Luminaries
http://www.myspace.com/luminariesmusic
"Peace"
The luminaries seem poised on the edge ready to break through and spread light into the dark corners of the Earth. They have a big band that makes a big sound and lots of great voices bringing a unified message of peace.

---
Slo Mo
http://www.myspace.com/heyslomo
"Shine As You Are"
And last but far from least is Slo Mo featuring Mic Wrecka. "Shine as You Are" is one of my favorite songs of all time. They have a transcendant sound. And I find myself flipping over to this page and clicking on this song to draw inspiration all the time.

---

Peace & Love,
-Alex (My Rap Name is Alex)

------------------
Public Domain, feel free to circulate this list and lists like it. Add, edit and modify it as desired.

Water + Rates + Cameras

2008-04-26T07:57:00.000-04:00

Water + Rates + Cameras

(this news item posted on April.25.2008)

Dirty Water

If you would have told me in 1978 that in 30 years the tap water was going to become "too dirty to drink" and that everyone would eagerly fork over a dollar for a bottle of water, I would never have believed you.

Annual Percentage Rates

If you would have told me in 1998 that some day I would be paying more than 29% APR on credit cards, I would never have believed you. Back then my mother was helping me establish good credit and explaining to me about credit cards, and how you NEVER EVER want to get in trouble on your credit cards because the credit card companies will gouge you for 15% interest per year. She made that sound like a very awful thing, so I wanted to never have that happen, but at least that was as bad as it could possibly get. She explained that that was the most they were allowed to charge by law, and besides they wouldn't be able to get anyone to pay any higher APRs than that anyway. My mother was very, very smart. Genius. But I guess she underestimated what they'd be able to accomplish in 20 years.

Police Cameras

If you'd have told me in 1998 that in 10 years we would all start to have police spy cameras going up in our cities I would have looked at you skeptically, but if you'd have told me that our general attitude toward this reduction of privacy would be "Well, hey man, we need those cameras to make sure we behave." I would have thought you were on crack. Did I get to vote on this? I'm pretty sure I would have voted that I don't need a police spy camera to make sure that I behave.

---

and PS: if anyone would have told me in 2004 that Brian Higgins was going to help them charge me crazy APRs and help constrict bankruptcy and help make my credit records available to all these creditors I would have never voted for him. Not even on the Working Families Party line.

movement + functionality + comparison

2008-03-29T12:53:00.002-04:00

movement + functionality + comparison

(this news item posted on March.29.2008)

3 things that I often say, the meanings of which might not be readily obvious:

"Movement is a gift. Don't give it all away."

"It ain't broke, but it's vitally important that we fix it"

"Compare yourself... to yourself"

---
Movement

Movement is a gift. It's one of my favorite gifts. I am so grateful for all of my movable body parts and all of the useful and interesting ways they can move. To show my gratitude, I actually move them.

They LOVE that!

My mother was an enemy of movement --of sorts. For all of her other wonderful attributes, she did not like to sweat, move, exert... She was always giving her gift of movement away to others: to me. I don't know that she even recognized it as a gift. A lot of people don't. People are so shocked that I accept the gift of being able to ride my bike 5 miles to work every day, of eagerly receive the gift of helping them move heavy things around their house. What can I say? It's what's been working for me.

---
functionality

From time to time I hear people expressing consternation: "why isn't it 'working'". The it, of course, being the great American experiment. The question takes many forms; "How come America is the only country that can't figure out how to provide health care for people?"; "How come so many kids are graduating from college with so much debt and can't find any good paying jobs?" I even heard someone ask recently "How come the war didn't stimulate the economy like war usually does?" So many people are out there scratching their heads trying to figure out how it all became so dysfunctional? "Why isn't it all 'working'" I got news for you, folks. It ain't broke, but it is vitally important that we fix it.

Yeah, you heard right, it ain't broke. The system is not broken. At all. The system is doing exactly what it was designed to do, and it's doing it better than it ever has before in all of recorded human history. The system is designed, engineered and driven by elites (rich people), and the functionality that those elites want out of the system is "make the rich even richer". And man are they ever having a lot of luck with that.

At no time in human history have the masses of humanity been so willing to allow for such wealth concentration as we have now without having a revolution. How is it working so well for them now?

First, there's a lot of geographic separation. A lot of the desperately poor people are in the southern hemisphere way to far away from the wealthy elites to carry out an effective revolution against wealthy elites, and where possible, they are educated with money from those same wealthy elites about how those wealthy elites really are pretty nice people if you get to know them.

Second, the poorest among the people who do live close to the wealthy elites and the people who would have been inclined to revolt in the past, are now stupefied and nullified by debt (which is worse than poverty). The revolutionary who was revolting against the French Aristocracy in the 1700s has contemporaries that today are fully engaged with how to pay off the hospital bill from the emergency surgery last year. The college student that was out in the streets railing against war in the 1970s is now fully engaged in trying to work their 3 part time jobs to even make a dent in their college loans.

So, yes, the system is working perfectly. The rich are richer than they've ever been. The people who own and control and create our system could not be more pleased with the results they're getting. Their war against Iraq did stimulate the economy a lot by the way. Only now they've figured out how to not share it with the working poor and John Q. Public or even the soldiers fighting the war. The money from the war went directly to the pockets of executives and defense contractors and politicians, consultants and engineering firms that are down with the program. The program, again, is making the rich even richer. It working. It's not broken, it's completely functional.

But it is vitally impoartant that we fix it. Replace it. Push it off the table and let it smash against the floor. And build in its place a system that will educate without enslaving, heal the sick without incapacitating them, and study war no more. I'm just so ready to stop wasting humanity's potential.

---
comparison

Compare yourself... to yourself. Or don't. I mean, if there's a talent, skill or ability that you want to make sure you NEVER develop, the best way to go about it is to make some first attempt (try it a little bit) and then compare your results to somebody that is already really super good at it. Next, tell yourself "I'll never be as good as them." Now you can simply give up, and never try again and you won't ever have to worry about developing that talent, skill or ability that you don't ever want to have. You'll be safe from those pesky abilities forever. Nobody can ask you to use a skill you don't have eh?

If, on the other hand, you're like me and you enjoy having skills and abilities, you might want to try comparing yourself to yourself. Start out small, set yourself some goals that you can easily accomplish so that you can have some easy early victories. Be quick to forgive yourself for your attempts that don't turn out quite right. That's just a part of life. Record your results if possible, and stick with it for a while, and then go back and compare your abilities to your abilities when you were starting off. The more skills and abilities you acquire the easier it will be to develop more abilities that build off of those abilities. I'm not a big believer in "Talent is something you're born with or you're not." All of the talents people accuse me of having were developed over time and with the assistance of other talents that I developed earlier through working to acquire them.

---

be Peace,
-Alex

gratitude + envy + concern

2008-02-10T07:25:00.001-05:00

gratitude + envy + concern

(this news item posted on February.10.2008)

gratitude:

I am so grateful every time I get an opportunity to participate in making great music. I can not understand why some people are not. Of late I have seen people make some really great music and be MAD after. What's the point in that? Just create some joy, everything else will work itself out.

envy:

I sometimes wonder if it's even possible for a person like me to even get into a relationship with complete and total honesty any more. I get all kinds of envious of people in my community who've had the opportunity to be in love with people that I wish I had the opportunity to be in love with. And then I tell myself "Oh sure, if I were willing to be a liar and dust off all of those weapons of manipulation, I could have those opportunities too." I feel better when I tell myself that. But in reality, I'm mostly just envious that many people have the ability to tell the people they're attracted to how they feel about them and I often do not.

concern:

For many, many years the house next door was occupied by various neighbors that screamed at their children and terrorized their little ones quite publicly. Now the house always has it's curtains drawn and there are occasional sounds of muted arguing and once in a great while you see timid children out in front of the house. I like to tell myself it's none of my business. That's easiest.

500 + 56 + 30

2008-02-04T00:30:00.000-05:00

500 + 56 + 30
(this news item posted on February.03.2008)

So maybe you noticed, maybe you didn't, but I had a numbers theme going through my journal for a while. One of the first posts I intended to make, in fact, one of the ideas that gave me the idea for numbered journal entries was going to be an entry called 500.

500 - 500 was going to be an entry about having 500 friends. On myspace. I had 498 at the time and I was just going to wait a couple days assuming I'd get a couple more friends and then write about who those friends are. Basically: a quarter of them are --or were at one time-- actual local friends that I see from time to time; 13% are people that I know and have met and hung out with in real life but live far away (mostly UU friends), and another 13% are causes that added me or I added because that seemed like the thing to do; A good 11% are bands, mostly ones that I really like, that I like to keep up with their CD releases and touring schedule and stuff; About 8% are books, other authors, book reviewers or bookstores; 5% are local businesses or activist groups that I want to keep in touch with; 4% are people I do not know --people who added me out of the blue that seemed like really awesome people or friends of friends or people I have no clue about but haven't taken the time to delete; and another 4% are local bands and musicians; 3% are pages of famous people that I really like and/or extremely well done fan sites for famous people I really like; and then the remaining handful are pages for movies (mostly documentaries) that I added for some reason or another.

So I still dunno if I'll ever quite reach 500. The 490s seems to be my limit, and looking through the thing just reminds me that I need to remove a few.

Whatevs.

56 - I was, one upon a time, going to write an update post about all of the numbers at work. Featuring the pallet jack I once wrote about, 56. For anyone who might care, that pallet jack is doing just fine. I stopped using it for a while because the slightly better pallet jack that my boss always used to use back then became available to me. But now that one's in the shop and I've been reacquainted with my old buddy. For a machine it has many great sounds and sensations that are unique to it: almost gives it a personality.

30 - And in new news, my friend Jon and I are starting up a website for UUs over age 30. Trying to figure out how to unlock the potential in that age group and give back some of what was given to us when we were in the Young Adult category, and how to infuse UUism in general with all of the wonderfully life-afirming things that Young Adults seem to get and some older UUs out in the congregations may not completely grok.

Should be a fun ride. More details to follow on that I'm sure.

So that's that then.

-Alex

clarifications + jubilation + elections

2008-01-20T18:52:00.000-05:00

clarifications + jubilation + elections

(this news item posted on January.20.2008)

clarifications

So I write, often, about the whole not having a car thing. Probably because it's become just a reality of life to me yet people seem to be constantly astounded by it. I talk about it in the hopes that it might one day seem normal, and better still: possible, to others. But, for the sake of disclosure, I feel obligated to confess that I had a lot of life factors that made it easy for me to go carless.

The biggest thing was that when we traded in our van to help a friend buy a car, I had no particular place to go. I became "self-employed" and for six months or so the only place I needed to go was to buy groceries and that was easy enough to walk to. Moreover, I had lots of money socked away so I could afford to pay $90 to rent a car any time I needed. I probably ended up doing that every other month or so and thought little of it. Anyway, I'm just saying that even though I get on a rant now and then about never owning a car, I am aware that I had advantages that helped me get there. Not the least of which was a free bike or two from my uncle Walter after I'd been walking a while.

jubilation

So in my book writing I tend to write a lot about something being missing from the world. Some kind of human connection that's hard to define because it's rarely seen but is nevertheless missing.

During the month of January I've encountered people close to me being suddenly and unexpectedly joyful. Laughing and smiling and I noticed myself just falling right in and responding in kind. I know the world is possible where we can experience wonderment and mirth easily and often, and it's nice to see glimmers of it along the way to help keep the eyes on the prize.

elections

So, now it's 2008. I'm still a registered Green. The Green Party still has Ten key values that I think are a solid foundation to build a movement on. Today I watched portions of the GP candidate debate and I very much enjoyed it. If you'd like to do so, here's a link:

http://www.gp.org/2008-elections/president/sf_debate.php

Be Peace,
-Alex

$16,802.38

2007-12-31T02:21:00.000-05:00

$16,802.38

(this news item posted on December.31.2007)

This is something I tend to do once a year, usually at the end of the year. I've put it in two books so far, How to Care About Humans and the upcoming The Problem With Earthlings, so I guess I consider it pretty important. Ok. Here goes.

----
Automotive:
Gas - I do about 60 miles a week on my bike, so I'd probably do 80 per week if I had a car. 80 x 52 x (3.25 I think that's what gas cost this year / 20 miles per gallon (I think that's realistic)) = $767.00
Maintenance - (thank goodness the imaginary car only broke down twice this year) = $860.00
Insurance - (just a guess) = $1,100.00
Car Note - (just six years left to go) = $2,760

Total savings from not having a car = $5,487.00

----
Habit forming substances:
Alcohol - Avg $15 per week going out + $14.50 case of beer twice a month + $6.00 bottle of wine 5 times annually + $15.00 bottle once a year = $1,173.00

Drugs - (Let's say I would keep it to a $300 / year pot habit) = $300.00

Cigarettes - $5.80 per pack x .9 packs per day * 365 days = $1,905.30

Coffee - $1.50 x 5 per week x 52 weeks = $390.00

meat - (might as well(just a guess)) = $450.00 (not including fast food listed separately below)

Total savings from skipping all that = $4,218.3

plus the extra health care costs from that one trip to the hospital from that crazy night with the blood alcohol poisoning set me back a $200 deductible (fortunately my employer ate the $640 in higher insurance premiums since it hypothetically happened last may). = $4,418.3

----
Atire costs:
Wardrobe - I spent about $100.00 total on my wardrobe this year = $780.00 (under what I am guessing used to be spent on clothes for me)

Shoes - About $32.50 on shoes this year = $235.00 (savings)

All those crazy chemical smells people put on themselves after showering = $92.00

Total of $1,107.00 saved.

----
Other costs
No cable television - (guessing) = $360.00

No fast food restaurants - (guessing) = $639.60

No department stores (cheap plastic crap) - (guessing) = $1,430.00

Total of $2,429.60 saved

----

And, since all of that money would be debt for me, and I would be debt servicing with about 25% APR in interest you can pile on another $3,360.48

----

For a grand total of $16,802.38 that I did not give to evil corporations in 2007 which I do fully believe they would have used to hurt my fellow human beings of the planet Earth.

Much of this stuff I'm just guessing about since I'm not really up on what it costs, but I'm glad to not spend it whatever it really costs.

Thus ends another year in my own personal struggle against consumerism.

be Well,
-Alex

three

2007-12-23T09:25:00.000-05:00

three

(this news item posted on December.23.2007)

Three is the number of items of street treasure I've found this fall. Street treasure being things that I ride past on my bicycle and stop to pick up.

#1 was a hat. Very much like the hats I keep losing and finding: Simple black tuque. I rode past it 3 times on my way back and forth to work. By the fourth time I figured nobody was coming back for it so I picked it up. After a couple washings it is now my favorite hat to wear --just as its predecessors were before I lost them.

#2 was a scarf. I already have the greatest scarf in the world (that Heather made for me), but after riding past a black bundle of ice covered cloth a few times curiosity got the better of me. I brought it home and offered it to Heather after a few washings, now we each have a really good scarf.

#3 was a dollar. I didn't really ride past this and wait to see if it would be reclaimed by it's owner --figuring it would more likely blow away or be claimed by the next person who walked past it. I find change all the time. But a whole dollar was kind of new. It was like the first crap out of the vending machine at work that day was free.

But it was easy come/easy go however as I lost 2 dollars a few nights later when a lady stopped me on my way to work at 3am and told me how desperately she needed gas for her truck to get all the way back home to south Buffalo. I gave her a couple of dollars and she then reminded me that a couple dollars doesn't buy very much gas. So then I stopped talking to her and continued on my way. I'm pretty sure I'm not responsible for her having enough gas in her vehicle. Me and gasoline have little to do with each other.

Anyway, finding stuff on the street is fun. I don't think I've had to buy any winter gloves or scarves in the last couple years. (I bought a couple hats last year when I was walking past a sale on hats for $1.50 each.)

3

photo by Jerome Lindberg

one hundred forty-two

2007-12-08T15:52:00.001-05:00

One hundred forty-two

(this news item posted on December.08.2007)

One hundred forty two is NOT the number of birthday greetings I got through the net, but I did get a LOT. Thanks. I will try to get back to everyone over the weekend as best I'm able.

One forty two IS the number of days that passed between my June 12th blog/journal entry The Garden and my Nov 2nd entry five. A pretty long unexplained absence. That was a period I like to call the dark ages, and I haven't really talked about it much.

For anyone who had been following along before I stopped journaling, we had expanded our co-op house and assembled a super group of cool people two of whom were my super awesome girlfriends that I was very much blissed out over, and we had had a great house meeting where we all appreciated each other and drew up a road map for how we were going to communicate, communicate, communicate and shower one another with loving attention and reap the benefits of our combined efforts...

Shortly thereafter we slammed the car into reverse and did the exact opposite of everything we said we were going to do. We sped backwards at top speed without looking over our shoulders or even bracing ourselves for the inevitable crash. When we finally did crash in a mangled pile of distrust, guilt, animosity and anger we found all of our relationships hacked off down to the ground. I went from two awesome girlfriends down to zero at one point, and had an armed man come into my house and tell me that I had to live with a human individual that I felt had just manipulated and bullied me in my own home, and then this armed individual representing our fine city and government even attempted to dictate to me how I was supposed to feel and act toward her. Apparently if you give a person a gun they eventually come to feel like they can dispense orders about how you should FEEL.

For the most part I lived at my job during the month of August. I just slept there and worked constantly and waited for my house to be vacated. Heather moved in with a friend and we barely saw one another. I became, for the first time in recent memory, a mean and sour person and became completely indifferent about the welfare of a person that had in the past seen me through some dark times.

In September Heather and I got to start slowly putting our lives back together and growing our relationship back from the roots. I am very grateful to have her as a part of my life, as I don't know how I'd deal with all of the things in life that wallop you from out of nowhere without her. But it basically took us until the end of October to really be able to breathe again, so that was the long hiatus.

I still have dreams of living in a diverse community of individuals with diverse gifts and diverse personalities, but that'll have to wait a while.

---

In other news, the BloodThirstyVegans really rocked out at DanceAlive last night and got very loose and free and made many beautiful sounds and I danced with a desperate joy.

And I've been having a lot of fun putting 716BBS.com back together again. It's a nice design/coding distraction and I'm learning a lot from it at the same time I'm reestablishing contact with people I've been poor to awful at keeping in touch with.

be well,
-Alex

two

2007-11-13T18:47:00.001-05:00

two

(this news item posted on November.13.2007)

two is the number of head on collisions (bike to bike) I've been in over the last few years. The most recent one was today. The less recent one was... not sure... a few years ago or thereabouts.

Both head on bike collisions followed the same basic pattern. Sudden obstacle, little time to react, just enough reaction to avoid serious injury. Each rider checking to see if the other rider's okay. Then each rider checking to see if each other's bikes are okay. Then you smile. And then you ride off. The emotional diagram of the event goes something like: shock, fear, concern, relief, amusement.

Okay. Topic change. But it's all related, you'll have to trust me.

In Derrick Jensen's latest book, endgame: vol II, he credits Ward Churchill with having told him that the GNP (Gross National Product) is just a scorecard of how fast the nation converts life into death. Living trees into dead paper, living animals into fast food commodities, living plants into textiles and the like. Personally, I had never really thought about the GNP very much before, but I see where they're going with that. I think it's more than that though. I think that's one major component of it, and another major component is changing the earth's chemical equation (converting inorganic things into products (which also has catastrophic consequences (consequences, like turning the living into the dead I suppose (but that's a little too indirect for me)))). Anyway, the powers that are go around converting all kinds of non living things into products: water, rocks, gases, whatever else. Things like carbon and coal and oil and radioactive elements that are supposed to be buried under the ground are now out and just hanging around with us on the surface, changing our atmosphere, making us sick, doing whatever all else.

In book I'm presently writing, the Problem With Earthlings, I talk a lot about the battle I've been waging against the GDP (Gross Domestic Product) for most of my adult life.

When I was little there was a framed quotation on our wall that said "Live Simply, So that others may simply live". I figured it was just there, like all of the other things on the wall that meant little. Something to walk past. But it was seeping into my brain a little bit every day. Live simply.

These days I take my anti-consumerism to a ridiculous extreme according to many of my friends. According to me I'm just living my life. I am pretty zealotous about it though. Around this time every year I sit down and calculate how much money I did not give to Altria corporation by not smoking? And how much money I did not give to McDonald's by never ever going to McDonald's? How much money is Anheuser Busch lacking due to my not drinking? And it goes on and on and on.

For the last eight (almost nine) years now I have had another calculation to make. The car savings. How much money am I not giving to auto manufacturers? How much interest on the loan? How much money am I not giving to GEICO in auto insurance (a total legalized racket)? How much in gas to these HUGE petrol corporations? How much evil would they have done with my money had I given it to them? They're good at multiplication of evil, I know they are.

And then a day like today happens. Head on collision on a bike. Maybe I would drive more carefully than I bike. Actually I'm sure I would since I do drive once in a while. But a head on collision in a car does NOT end with amusement. Not at all. Quite the opposite.

The bike accident I got into a few years ago was at the apex of a bridge. The other rider and I actually did exchange names. We didn't have to. But I felt it only fitting since we'd bumped into each other. His bike had been undamaged. Mine was nearly undamaged. My insurance is still zero. Had I chosen to get my bike repaired the bill would have been under twenty dollars.

Living simply does allow other's an opportunity to simply live. But more than that... living simply makes life really, really simple sometimes.

Gratitude.

be Peace,
-Alex

thirteen

2007-11-10T23:25:00.001-05:00

thirteen

(this news item posted on November.10.2007)

thirteen is the number of trucks I did at work this week. I was going to try to set the record... but that was not to be. I think my record is fifteen. Probably. Though I don't think I was keeping track back during the forced 12 hour workdays that paid well for suffering hard.

This week with the thirteen trucks was hard too now that I think about it. Trucks have gotten more difficult than they used to be now that the company has decided to put the maximum amount of weight possible on them.

Not an especially big deal to me --the added weight. I go to work to exercise anyway. Little more weight = little more fun as far as I'm concerned. But there are no more easy trucks to dole out to the newer workers when they need an easy day. And there is much less variation than there used to be. The surprise easy trucks are few and far between these days. Now it's just heavy truck, over and over again.

New people have not been lasting long on the job. It's been a revolving door lately. And when the latest wave of new people quit I figured I would just pick up the slack with a few of the people that have worked there for a while who maybe could use the extra work.

So then at the start of the week a freind who I work with had a serious illness in the family. I should have tried to call in some reserves, but I figured I'd just stay later and make up the trucks myself and make more money.

I wasn't thinking thirteen or anything over ten even. But that first day I ended up staying all day and throwing four and that was a lot. It had been a while since I'd thrown like that. But I paid for it. The next day I was sick. I had become disused to spending all day long in a series of trucks. I don't think my immune system cared for it. On Tuesday I had a sore throat, stuffy nose and the like. Riding my bike to work was tough let alone throwing trucks once I got there. Nevertheless, three more trucks. Wednesday was much the same. Stuffed up nose and difficulty staying focussed, but there was nobody else to call on to throw trucks so I threw three more.

Thursday was like a whole new world. I discovered the amazing powers of oxygen. I had not been able to breathe for two days. But suddenly my congestion had broken and I could breathe. Plus, it was the day after payday so I had eaten. Plus, I overslept so I had actually slept. But since I had overslept, I rode my bike to work as fast as I could and that just pumped me full of oxygen. By the time I got to work I felt almost high on air. I felt like I was thinking twice as fast as I should be, and I probably was thinking twice as fast as I had been in the past two days. I was running around doing five things at once and loading motorcycle tires at fantastical speeds. I loaded the equivalent of three trucks in five hours and I had all day with nothing else to do since it was a Thursday. I felt like I could literally throw all day. Another two trucks would have been a new personal best for a week as far as I know, and I felt I had at least that in me if not more.

And so then they told me they had run out of work.

I was stunned. What do you mean? I have like a bajillion kilojules of surplus energy. They can't send me home like that. I had at least 2,000 more calories that I needed to expend before I could feel in sync with the world. And I only work four days a week so I might be stuck like that all weekend. But they sent me home in that condition. I tried to run around cleaning my house, but that didn't do anything. I was stuck that way.

So that ended up meaning that I made a lot of money. I'm eager to see how I throw next week. There probably won't be nearly that many trucks to throw, but I'd like to see if I can throw that fast again.

But that can wait until Monday I suppose. Tomorrow the Bloodthirsty Vegans and I have another exciting adventure playing the WNY Peace Center Annual Dinner. That's going to ROCK!

be Peace,
-Alex

five

2007-11-02T02:11:00.000-04:00

five

(this news item posted on November.02.2007)

five trips around the sun for our love
the year together, the years apart, the years together again
five repetitions of four seasons in various variations
sixty five wax and wanes
ebbs and flows
rages and pages
receivers and stages
we've met up in some strange places along the way
we've made some interesting friends
we've made up, made amends
made the true believers and the new believers uncomfortable
when
we've refused to pretend
Five times outlasted the darkness,
and waited long enough for our side of this big ball of iron to tilt back toward the sun.
we've made it over impassable terrain.
With ease.
With unease.
With out a doubt that doubts would always be about
we've loved and lost, turned and tossed and settled in
and remained best friends
five trips around the sun so far
you remind me of that star

<< Previous |

The Garden

2007-06-12T12:09:00.000-04:00

The Garden

(this news item posted on June.12.2007)

Once upon a time when Heather and I were just starting a newish relationship, I spied her reading a book. We had found that we enjoyed reading books together, but this was a big thick book that looked very different from the kinds of books we liked to read.

"No offence", she said, but I'm getting kind of tired of all the political books. I was taken aback by that. The world was going to hell in a hand basket and obviously we needed to read every goepolitical acology and human rights based book available. But here instead she had a work of anthropological fiction: The Clan of the Cave Bear by Jean Auel.

THEN, after she finished this huge book she started reading ANOTHER ONE. Apparently this was a series of books. So finally my curiosity got the best of me and I accepted her offer to read it with her.

So what the Earth's Children series of books by Jean Auel are basically about is a young woman named Ayla. And Ayla is a very beautiful and industrious woman who end up inventing just about everything in human history. Before the tender age of 25 this young woman has invented projectile weapons and sewing needles and pioneered the domestication of horses and hunting dogs and has a pet lion for a while, she discovered fire stones and revolutionized fire making, and she had a whole wealth of knowledge about medicinal plants.

Maybe it's not the most realistic story ever, and the books really tend to drag on in places, but they were a surprisingly fun read. We ended up reading them all. And somewhere along the way we started to think of plants as the fundamentally valuable part of our world that they actually are.

Heather started to want chamomile blossoms and echenacea blossoms for tea and she started eating the wild mint that grows around our house. The anti-capitalist in me was very taken by the idea of free food that just come right out of the ground. And so little by little we began to have a garden.

Heather's first book and a lot of stories she has to tell talk of Sunflowers. I really felt very strongly that she should have some and so last year we went to the MAP gardens and gathered some sunflower seeds that were dropping out of the spent sunflowers. I didn't know how easy they were to grow and didn't do any actual reasearch on how to plant them we just stuck em in the ground and hoped. And now we have an adolescent sunflower growing up before our eyes. It's like magic.

And we managed to put enough sticks and stakes around the dewberry bushes to stop the landlord from mowing them down when he swing that noisy gas powered thing all around, so there will be a huge bounty of berries this year. Free food is the best tasting food that was ever invented.

I transplanted a lot of mint and lambs quarters and clover since the people here at the house will eat it.

Spending time with plants would never have seemed like a worthwile or productive use of time five years ago. But it somehow is. Plants make really good air, they're calming to be around, they're good eatin, and they are FREE.

Anyone know where one can get a mechanical push mower these days? We really need one.

Peace,
-Alex

Well... That Went Well

2007-06-05T16:04:00.000-04:00

Well... That Went Well

(this news item posted on June.04.2007)

Monday morning, back to the daily grind after a weekend of being a rockstar. All three performances this weekend turned out much better than I expected.

DanceAlive was an amazing time. Every time I perform with the Blood Thirsty Vegans I feel more and more a part of a musical family. We even had my friend Kush back from Africa to do his beatboxing thing. We danced like there was no tomorrow, and there were children everywhere and they all really got into it.

BeatFest on Saturday was also really good. Having to drive so far to get to it gave plent of time for me and Heather to bond with the ever gregarious Kirk who came to add some beatboxing to my words. It was a long wait to get on, and trying to do a poem with no music first wasn't really going anywhere, but as soon as me and Kirk mixed our stuff together the audience really got into it. It was a really fun time.

And Sunday night at the Bird House was a strange phenomenon as well. I can't ever tell if the people at the Bird House intend on doing what they say they're going to do or if they can get it together and pick a direction to head in. It sure didn't seem like there was going to be a concert there that night. But, I guess when there're so many people there in one house, they can clear a room and create a stage in no time and they know what they're doin. Rapping at the bird house with an impromptu djembe player was really, really, really well recieved. Those kids seem to really read a lot and know a lot and at least 5 or six kinds from the bird house have already read my books. It's a strange and wonderful and frightening place all at the same time, and it was a great show. The guy that came on after me was an absolutely amazing guitarist and lyricist.

Peace & Love
-Alex

<< Previous |

Show Schedule

2007-05-31T06:28:00.001-04:00

Show Schedule

(this news item posted on May.31.2007)

After one of the busiest weeks of work in recent memory (I'm exhausted), I have one of the busiest weekends of performing coming up.

Friday - June 1 @ 6pm = DanceAlive 2.0 at the UU Church of Buffalo (695 Elmwood). Me and the Blood Thirsty Vegans are going to try to open some minds and move some behinds.

Saturday - June 2 @2pm = BEATFest 3. My friends at the Buffalo Environmental Action Team will be hosting their thirst annual BEATFest to benefit PUSH Buffalo. I think my friend Kirk will be helping me out with some man made beats. I will get to rock the same stage as a moose ton of excellent local talents.
BEATFest Website

Sunday - June 3rd, sometime during the afternoon of evening I will be stopping by the Bird House (on the corner of Bird and West) to kick it with whoever's down to collaborate. Bird House is hosting DIYFest (Do It Yourself) and hosting seminars on how to find free food, how to make musical instruments out of stuff you find, how to make hunting weapons and shoes, creative writing workshop and all kinds of stuff like that. The DIYFest is June 1st - 5th.

So, now I got to go to work and toss tons of tires, and hopefully I see some folks out and about in and around Buffalo over the weekend.

Peace & Love,
-Alex

Magic Meeting

2007-05-28T12:41:00.000-04:00

Magic Meeting...

(this news item posted on May.28.2007)

Yep. Life is still going great.

I have been involved with a LOT of groups over the last five years, and I have attended a LOT of meetings. I have come to really detest meetings. My eyes glaze over and I have to send my mind to a happy place and sometimes have to do all kinds of mental gymnastics to manage my anger as all kinds of time gets absorbed into arguments about irrelevant things or some person, starved for attention, holds everyone's attention hostage telling everyone all about their life, usually while trying to convince everyone that their going to reveal how it's related to the meeting in a minute. Yeah, that's how meetings usually go for me.

Until now.

The Art Activists of Buffalo Collaborative Community had its first meeting since Eddie and Christina arrived. We ended up putting three items on the agenda because that was what was needed. We did not draw out any one agenda item and beat it to death, but then nor did we leave any agenda item before everyone was really finished talking about it. We all managed to come to consensus about everything after some occasionally intense disagreements. Most of all though, everybody's gifts and talents were needed and offered before the meeting was through and everyone seemed to have gained a real appreciation for everyone else by the time our first house meeting was through.

This past week we've been saying the AABCC is alike a super hero team. It really is. Four very different people with four very different sets of skills and four different belief systems all coming together around the idea that there is a better way to live and a desire to discover it together.

Yep. Life is still going great.

Writing Down My Life In No Particular Order

2007-05-21T17:29:00.000-04:00

Writing Down My Life In No Particular Order

(this news item posted on May.21.2007)

Once upon a time I wrote this book. It was called How to Care About Humans and it was pretty much just the story of my life. Or the story of the life of a person that I used to be some three plus years ago.

Man, it was fun to write. I haven't read it in a while, but I remember it being really fun to read too. It was a bit easier to have a sense of humor about the world back then.

Every once in a while I work on writing a second volume. I've given myself a deadline that's 30 years from now. So, as you might imagine, I'm in no particular rush and long stretches go by where I don't write anything but these journal entries.

I have one rule that I make myself follow when I'm writing it. One year must pass before I write about any given thing. Enough time to make it past tense. Other than that I don't have to write it in order or write it all in the same style or anything.

It's really fun to see how my life goes in cycles. The people go in cycles. Right now I have all of these intense feelings about Heather and Christina, and I can use those feelings to write about the intense feelings I had about them a year ago or two years ago. My life is fun that way. And I'm reuniting with my Ice9 poetry family after a year's hiatus, so it's the perfect time to write some Ice9 history now that those feelings are being stirred in the pot.

For as angry as I am at humanity for what we allow to happen to ourselves and our surroundings, I have to say these are some interesting and fun times to be a writer.

<< Previous |

Sweet Victory

2007-04-29T03:28:00.001-04:00

Sweet Victory

(this news item posted on April.29.2007)

I firmly believe that there is a major conflict going on on the planet Earth. A conflict between love and fear. I have been having this battle on a personal level all my life, and today I won a major victory where I kicked fear right in the eye and made it die.

When I was little, back before I realized there was any significance to this conflict, I had many fears. Perhaps not more or less than most youngsters, but in our society, youngsters have many fears. And I had my share. I was DEATHLY afraid of any flying insects whether they stug or not. Whether they bit or not. Just flying was enough. And I was oh so afraid of germs. GERMS ARE EVERYWHERE!!!! RUN! I was terrified of dirty dishes and dirtly laundry, and sure, it was convenient, but I was also resigned to it as a fact of life. These "phobias" are just always going to be with me. But the biggest fear of all, the king-daddy was the fear of rejection. The fear that people weren't going to like me. And that no woman was ever going to let me touch her boob. The possibility of that seriously traumatized me. A LOT.

So, I began scoring small but impressive victories before I was even really very aware of the scope of the confrontation. My mother was sick and made a lot of dirty laundry and could not do laundry herself and so somehow I just found the inner strength to start doing laundry. And even though the thought of her maybe saying no made my stomach wrench with flummoxed pain I found the courage to ask Heather for her phone number and then ask her out on a date. And then when she moved in and she was like "No, you just don't understand. I have SO much stress! I have to work constantly. Home. Work. Home. Work. If I have to wash ALL of the dishes I'm going to FREAK OUT!" And so I found the strength to touch the dirty dishes with ALL THE GERMS IN THEM! And after a while went by and I didn't die, germs didn't seem so scary. By the time Opus 2003 rolled around I was washing dirty dishes for 120 people.

All of that was well and good. But there was still something gnawing at me. Something that felt undone. I felt like I had something to say. Something that the world needed to listen to. Part of it seemed obvious enough. I had books to write. No problem, not at all afraid of writing a book. But, for some inexplicable reason, I felt called to perform. Do poetry in front of a live audience or something. Or even RAP. Terrifying!

This call made absolutely no sense. So I ignored it and just let the phone keep ringing. I was SO DEATHLY afraid of public speaking. I had a public speaking course in college. I gave my little 10 minute speach with my hand shaking and the paper rattling and my voice quivering and me trying to hide behind the rattling piece of paper more and more. I gave that speach, I passed that class and that was IT! I was never, ever, ever, ever going to have to appear in public again. Plus, I already knew with a certainty that I suck as a performer and my words should be read without having to subject people to my voice.

Yet, still... something was calling me. Made no sense. Until I met Amy. And I began to get the feeling that I wanted to impress her enough that maybe, just maybe, I could deliver a poem in front of people. So I tried it and it didn't work. Whatevs. No big loss. And then I went to Opus 2004 and I was feeling such love that my fear began to melt away just long enough that I could deliver a poem in front of my Opus peeps. That was such an amazing feeling. I felt very loved.

I got home determined to answer the call and do it some more. And I tried. At an open mic at a place that used to be on Elmwood called Coffee&. And it didn't work out. And I was daunted. But not enough to keep me from trying again. And again. And eventually I started getting it right. I was afraid. But my fear was manageable. I was learning coping strategies. I was improving with practice. I was receiving just enough love from my performances that I was able to push my fear away a little more every time.

Over the last couple years fear has mostly disipated. Audiences get larger. The nervousness gets a little less. I went from being nervous 3 days before a show... to two days before a show... to one day... to hours beforehand... to minutes... to only nervous while I'm performing. That's where I was last month when I played for the Bloodthirsty Vegans for the first time. I was just a little scared. But that's natural right? I mean I felt like that was the best one could do. You're always going to be a little scared I figured. That's no big deal.

And then I got the DVD of our performance and watched myself. I looked like I was having a pretty good time, but why was I so wooden? So stiff? The music is so awesome, so why was I holding back on the dancing and the smiling and the joy? Why?

Fear.

Watching myself on DVD gave me a new outlook on performing. I was going to write a "New Outlook on Life" blog post before the Lizzard Ball, but I was afraid to commit to it. I had it as a goal and objective to really pursue my joy at the Lizzard Ball and embrace love and ignore fear. Most of the people at the Lizzard Ball love me or only fail to love me because they don't know me yet. So that was what I wanted from the Lizzard Ball. To be loose and free. Freedom from fear is a very powerful kind of free.

So tonight I won. I succeeded. I got so loose that performing was just absolutely nayural and joyous. I would not have won this victory without love and fearlessness from my friends. We have this whole stupid society that conditions us to be afraid. BE CONSTANTLY, CONTINUOUSLY AFRAID. And so it's hard to get free from it by yourself. But my friends Lara and LJ were there. And Lara let me sing with her and that was so freeing. And then when the Bloodthirsty Vegans started performing Lara and LJ just started dancing so freely, so joyously that everything was going to be alright. And then Amy and Sophia from my Ice 9 family jumped up and they started dancing so joyously and so free too. And before you knew it there were almost a dozen free humans who could just exist in the moment of their freedom.

When it came time to rap, man, I just didn't care. All I wanted to do was return as much love as I was receiving but it was coming in faster than I could give it back. The Bloodthirsty Vegans were playing so amazingly and joyously so I just channeled the love as fast as I could.

Oh what a night.

Tonight the Green Party had the most profitable Lizzard Ball that they've had since I became a green. In fact it may be the first profitable one I've been associated with. That was just icing on the cake. And all of the solo performers got paid and the Bloodthirsty Vegans got free drinks all night, and I drank a lot of free water, and I just had the time of my life tonight.

I can't wait to do it again next year.

be Love,
-Alex

Upcoming Appearances...

2007-04-27T18:34:00.001-04:00

Upcoming Appearances

(this news item posted on April.27.2007)

Time for more performing:

Saturday, April 28th (tomorrow night) at 7pm is the Lizzard Ball. Show up early and make sure you don't miss Lara Buckley! Me and the Bloodthirsty Vegans will be playing a great set featuring some of your favorite My Rap Name is Alex tunes.
http://www.myspace.com/lizzardball

Sunday, April 29th will be Urban Epiphany, the bestest poetry event in Western New York. I will be doing some performance poetry between the hours of 4 and 5pm.
http://urbanepiphany.com

Friday May 11th the wise and wonderful Anna Walsh and I will be hosting our monthly poetry and prose reading and discussion series.
http://ilovemycoop.com/calendar.cgi

I might be performing at the BEATFest preparty later that night.

Saturday May 19th I will be performing for the one year anniversary celebration of the Buffalo Wellness Cooperative.
http://ilovemycoop.com/calendar.cgi

and Saturday, June 2nd I will be out in the fresh air of the country to perform at Beatfest.
http://beatfest.com/

Also look for a series of monthly Bloodthirsty Vegans performances at the UU church of Buffalo. More details to come as they become available.

Peace & Love,
-Alex

New Song

2007-04-12T02:20:00.000-04:00

New Song
(this news item posted on April.12.2007)

Been a while since I've written a song. And an even longer while since I posted one in my journal. I really don't know how I feel about this one. A long while ago I wrote a song called Commit which was intended to challenge myself. It was very well received. And I wanted to write another one to challenge myself some more. I started writing this song before Opus in Ioawa a couple years ago. I've written it about 12 times and never been satisfied with it. But I think this pretty close now. Maybe. I dunno. Bah. Whatever. It is what it is I guess.

All Winners
by My Rap Name is Alex
(Aug.2005 - Apr.2007)

we're all winners here
fighting to be free from fear
I say... we're all winners here
to me that's just crystal clear

Who told you people with pimples ain't appealin'
Or skinny blond girls don't have feelins
Who told you you were too big to be sexy
Or that the quiet voice is not worth respecting
Who told you a magazine cover's what you're supposed to be
As you are you look beautiful to me
You ain't too short, too black, too fat, too tall
I see nothing wrong with you at all
Soon as we get your wings unfurled
Your gifts are going to change the world
and...

we're all winners here
fighting to be free from fear
I say... we're all winners here
to me that's just crystal clear

homegirl you're so hot
what you got hits my spot
I love you a whole lot
you're awesome so why not

and... and you must be doing something right (right)
cause even when we just talk all night (right)
spendin time with you is what I like (and)
if lovin you was wrong I wouldn't wanna be right (aight)

I was lost and alone wandering through the dark
you took a hold of my hand.. a hold of my heart
lit the flame to my chalice, fed my starving art
so now we're always together, n'matter how far apart

I'm sayin 4+ years dear and zero regrets
and your love lets my love love whoever love lets
So, now I know, that in many respects
you're not just a good person, you're as good as it gets
and...

we're all winners here
fighting to be free from fear
I say...hey, we're all winners here
to me that's just crystal clear

Who told you there was something wrong with hugging trees
Or it was wrong to just dangle in the breeze
Who told you a woman that likes it is a slut
Tell them they can lick your you know what
Who said a man is not a man if he's not strong
And who says there's such a thing as "do not belong"?
You're not too frail, too stale, too male, too pale
Time to believe we just can't fail
Soon as we get your wings unfurled
Your gifts are going to change the world
and...

we're all winners here
fighting to be free from fear
I say... we're all winners here
to me that's just crystal clear

So, What if we, turned off the tv,
And I touched you, then you touched me
And then what if we giggled for fun, run out into the sun
Where we all just fall into one
And then start talking to strangers, flirting with danger
communicate & relate without anger
Next we could play a game where everyone could win it
Then we could eat a meal with no animals in it
And then go OUT get our groove on an', Dance until the dawn an'
Remember it ALL in the mornin

And we're all winners here
fighting to be free from fear
I say... we're all winners here
to me that's just crystal clear

Who told me my lips were too big to make me handsome
And I was too tubby and chubby and that and some
And who's the ones that told me that I can't sing
Man, I got to sing, there's a joy I'm tryin'a bring
So now when people tell me right now I'm cool
I still know that I was picked last for dodge ball too
But, Soon as we get my wings unfurled
Our gifts are going to change the world
and...

we're all winners here
fighting to be free from fear
I say... I say... we're all winners here
to me that's just crystal clear

<< Previous |

New LOVE!

2007-04-10T03:00:00.000-04:00

New LOVE!

(this news item posted on April.10.2007)

A couple Thursdays ago I went in to work to do any follow up training that might have been necessary for the evening shifts. There are a bunch of warehouse guys that are very curious about Roz and one of the guys that seems to be rooting for her asked me how she was working out with the tire throwing. I informed him that she had just thrown 18,000 pounds in a few hours and she was doing great. So his reply to me was "Wow. Marry that woman!"

Now apart from that being really strange criteria upon which to base a marriage, there's the fact that I feel like I mostly know Roz from when she was 6 and 7 years old and I feel more big brotherly toward her than anything (she is really cool, attractive and awesome though, don't get it twisted). But, considering that I'm out about my life and this seemed like a teachable moment, I figured I'd dig out the ultimate truth and go with that. I told him "I have two girlfriends already, and I don't see where I would ever find the time for a third."

Yeah. Um. Less than 24 hours later, I had a 3rd girlfriend.

But not just another girlfriend. NO NO NO.

Okay, it's like this. Imagine you're in love with the absolute perfect person for you. And then one day you get to be in love with the other absolute perfect person for you too. It's like that.

Okay, let me organize my thoughts for a second. Okay, now, in point of fact, yes I had two girlfriends at the time. And there have been times in the past few months where it's taken every moment I can find just to be a good partner in those relationships. But at that particular time, I had one girlfriend that had had a very traumatic personal tragedy and told me not to contact her until she contacted me, and another girlfriend that's gone out of state for six weeks. So, technically I did have SOME time. But I was very content; I was spending my mental energy on improving the relationships I had; I was just living the good life and then... BLAMO!

My fondness for my friend Christina is no secret really. I've blogged about her and posted Photojournals of us loving life, and shared a radio broadcast with her, and wrote about her in my autobiography, and told my two girlfriends that if she ever expressed the slightest interest in me all bets were off and that I probably wouldn't be able to wait to discuss it with them and that I would just have to tumble headlong into a movie-esque embrace and kiss her like there was no tomorrow.

And so over the last three years or so I've checked in with her every 6 months or so, reminding her that I thought she should let me be a boyfriend of hers. And she's mostly seemed pretty uninterested in that plan. But a couple friday nights ago... it just seemed like it was time to kiss her. And we kissed. And the universe shifted (again). And I just really really love her like crazy.

And she and Heather are great friends. And I feel all inspired and energized and I have a sense of anxious anticipation for the future from the moment I wake up. I feel like I live in some kind of unreal wish fulfillment universe. If you'd have told me 10 years ago that this was the way my life was going to go I'd have had a laughing fit. I have no idea how I accomplished all these cool books and websites and get to play with the Bloodthirsty Vegans, and have the awesomest girlfriends. To be perfectly honest, it doesn't even seem like it makes sense sometimes.

I have patterned my life around this idea that if I live my life to the best of my ability and really try to do right by others and do unto them as I'd have them do unto me... then my rewards will be automatic. But it was supposed to be theoretical. I don't think I even had a plan for what to do if it ever started REALLY working.

Love like your life depends on it. Because it does.

-be Love,
-Alex

<< Previous |

New Hobby

2007-04-10T00:02:00.000-04:00

New Hobby

(this news item posted on April.09.2007)

Last year I started doing research for a book I will write some day called Alexandria. It's actually two books. It's historical fiction about Northern Africa in the 1300s.

One of the absolute best places I found to conduct said research was Wikipedia. There is SO MUCH information to be had there and more every day. I read about the 1200s and the 1300s until my eyes were about to bleed.

Then I got a bit sidetracked. I began to look up everything I was curious about. And then I discovered that if you saw a spelling or gramatical error anywhere on wikipedia you could just fix it right then and there. And then I figured out that if information was missing you could add it. And then I found out you could spend the rest of your life on Wikipedia because stuff gets added even faster than you'd be able to read it all. It's kinda mind boggling.

So, after a while I extricated my brain from the Wikipedia and got back to doing research and every once in a while I'd write an article. It's kind of fun. And kinda nerdy. And pretty interesting. And ultimately useful I think.

I have a few long term goals on the Wikipedia:
* I'd like to get some of the mainstream cultural bias out of the articles about adoption and put some reality in.
* I'd like to make the articles on polyamory a bit more interesting.
* I'd like to create more pages for progressive artists and activists that deserve entries but don't have them.

And my ultimate long term goal is to do something big enough that an article that can be written about me that won't get deleted.

Anyway, this journal entry is starting to feel more like a confession of a guilty pleasure so I think I'll just end it here and post it before I end up deleting it.

be Peace,
-Alex

<< Previous |

New Employee

2007-04-08T20:48:00.000-04:00

New Employee

(this news item posted on April.07.2007)

A little more than a year ago I went on my friend Theresa's radio show, speakEasy, to promote my newly published book, Relations: McEmpire.

It was my fourth or fifth appearance on her show. Her show was fun to go on because we were pretty good friends and I could talk about whatever I had come on to promote, but she would also just start asking about my life and opinions on various things. The conversation could range all over.

During the course of that radio show she started asking me about my job throwing tires. And then a bit later one of the follow up questions she asked me was "Do they have any women throwing tires there where you work?"

And there weren't. And for some reason that question just always stuck with me. I thought about it a lot. Of course, they hadn't made me a boss there yet, so I couldn't do much more than think about it. But, half a year later they made me the boss, and I started to think about it more seriously.

Mostly I would think things like "What woman would WANT to throw tires?" "What woman has the right mix of physical and mental characteristics to do a good job?" and that kind of thing.

One day, sometime around November 2006, I was minding my own business and logging onto my mySpace and there were a bunch of friend requests that seemed to be a bunch of spammers right in a row. Nevertheless, I clicked over to each one to make sure they weren't someone I actually did know before deleting their requests. And low and behold, one of them was an actual person. And that person was Roz (pictured above).

My mother used to get great joy from networking with other mothers and doing a lot of neighborhood coparenting. And my mom would teach me how to do it also. Together my mom and I were mothers' assistants to lots of neighborhood moms and we co-mothered lots of kids. Roz was one such kid. She lived three doors down from us and she came to be very much like a little sister to me.

So I was very eager to catch up on her life and see how she had been and where her life had taken her (as it was now 20 years later). And her blog was full of smart sarcastic commentary, and her picture gallery was full of athletic related pictures (basketball and weightlifting and all that).

Okay, so, putting two and two together, this would be the perfect person to invite to come throw tires. And as luck would have it we were in a period where we needed as many employees as we could locate. So I invited her. And... she was busy at the time.

But a couple months later she was less busy. And so I hired her. And... And, I dunno. I'm not sure if it's right to enjoy it so much that I'm introducing such chaos into the unigendered world that the guys in the warehouse had created for themselves. It's all I can do to keep from laughing at some of the reactions sometimes. It seems like a lot of males in the warehouse have a vested interest in her not being able to do the job. Like they take it personally somehow.

And I like breaking up their unigendered language.
"Hey Alex, how many guys you got coming in tonight?"
"I have three guys and one woman."
or
"When is 33 door going to be finished?"
"She only had two pallets left to go when I was over there."
"????? You have a GIRL throwing tires?"
"She's female. Yes."

She pays attention to detail. Follows instructions. Asks questions when she's uncertain. Works safely. Honors her word. She's just a much better loader than half the guys who've been working there much longer.

So, whoever said "You can't find good help these days," was wrong. They just didn't know where to look.

:)

be Peace,
-Alex

New Band & New Website

2007-04-05T14:11:00.000-04:00

New Band & New Website...

(this news item posted on April.05.2007)

So, the band isn't totally new. I blogged about them before. But, what's new is that the Bloodthirsty Vegans and I (MyRapNameIsAlex) performed out. We performed at the UU church of Buffalo and we totally rocked the house.

click here to listen (click on the yellow links when you get there)

Pictured to the right are the following bloodthirsty vegans (left to right): Mike, Kilissa, Duh, Paul and Greg. Not pictured are Roland and Kush. Click link #1 on that page to hear Kush beatbox with the band.

And, speaking of that page, the website's not exactly new either, but I've recently put a lot more content on it, so if you haven't already, have a look around:

MyRapNameIsAlex.com

be Peace,
-Alex

Seasonal Depression

2007-04-03T15:38:00.000-04:00

Seasonal Depression...

(this news item posted on April.03.2007)

I don't suffer from season depression. Or any kind of depression. I don't even really get sad very often. A lot of my friends do though. Gratitude for Springtime I guess. I'm not a big fan of having my friends all sad. Especially when they're all threatening to move away.

Okay, so this is a journal entry that I've been sitting on for more than a month I guess. It was about a month ago and a high percentage of the people close to me were all talking about heading out of state, for long periods of time if not forever. One of my girlfriends seemed like she was quite possibly breaking up with me. To top it all off I got called into work for about 12 hours without pay on my day off to fix a screw up from one of our employees who could avoid screwing up if he would just pay attention sometimes or care a little bit about his job. And on that day, as I was sorting through tires one by one in the dark it occured to me that if I did feel like being depressed maybe that wouldn't be so unreasonable. But I was still relatively chipper. So I began composing this blog entry as I worked. Only I never got an opportunity to type it out when I got home. So, here it is a month later.

This entry is about my best guesses as to what it is that keeps me afloat. Why all kinds of awful can darken my doorstep and I'm only mildly disheartened by it. Here's the enumerated list.

1. Relationships - The biggest factor is having the human relationships that I need in my life to stay okay. No matter whatever else is going on in life I feel like Heather will always love me, and that's like a huge boulder of stability in the ol' foundation. And I feel like I have more friends than I could even spend time with, and community stuff to do all the time and people who have attention for me and whant to know what I'm up to and who have interesting stories to tell and that's the stuff that makes life worth living.

2. Upbringing - My mother did a really good job of raising me such that I don't spend too much time focussed on things beyond my control. Seems like really catastrophic things don't bother me if I know I can't do anything about them at present. I just put my time in on things that I can affect and keep my eye on all the rest in case I can affect it later.

3. Purpose - I feel like I know what I'm supposed to be doing in life with writing books and all. I feel like I have books to write that no one else can write and that actually need to be written and that somehow makes it easy to get up in the morning.

4. Clensed - I have big gratitude that I have a job that allows me to sweat even in the dead of winter. I think that renewal of water and the ability to release body fluids --sweat in particular-- is key to keeping healthy and energized. I feel like my circulatory system, immune system, metabolism and all that are on overdrive. And I like it.

5. Light - I get outsight and absorb what light there is even when there isn't much. Even on the shortest days of the year, being out on my bike and having some direct sunlight on my face helps. I'm pretty sure of that.

With hope that any of that is of any use to anyone.

-Alex

STOP: BlogTime!

2007-04-02T02:24:00.000-04:00

STOP: BlogTime!

(this news item posted on April.02.2007)

Blogging. For me it comes and it goes I guess. I spend a few months where I make the time to write about my life every week or two in the hopes that my friends can keep up on my life to the extent that they're interested. Then I spend a couple months where every moment of life is absorbed by the living of it. Such has been the case in the last couple months. And then I get to the point where I feel like I just have to explode and tell whoever is out there listening all about whatever is the latest glorious adventure. And that time... is now. (Almost now).

Stay tuned to this space for the next couple weeks, I have a lot of entries saved up and a lot of news to report: New Band, New Website, New Employee, New Hobby, NEW LOVE, New lease on life, and that's just the new stuff.

<< Previous |

Anniversaries

2007-02-13T22:19:00.000-05:00

Anniversaries

(this news item posted on February.13.2007)

February 13th - in February of 1994 I became a vegetarian. Took my last intentional bite of animal pieces. It might not actually be the 13th, that was just a day I picked out of the air. I spent years being a vegetarian not sure of when it started. Years later when I became curious about when it started I found an old AMProGram newsletter that told me which month and year I started. Could have been any day between the 1st and 21st of Feb. 13th just kinda felt right, so that's been the day for me to feel it every year. Hasn't killed me yet, and I have to believe the animals in the interconnected web of life are okay with it.

Dec 29th - 2004 was the day I became UU. (speaking of the interconnected web and all).

Jan 1st - 2004 was the day I announced my intention to become polyamorous. Pretty clear on that date. T'was the wee hours of the morning after Heather and I tried to break up. It doesn't feel like it's even been one year let alone three. What they say about the flying and the fun I guess.

June - 1999 was when we gave our car to Jerry. I think. Not so clear on that date. It has been roughly 8 years of year round biking/walking for me. I wonder if Jerry still has access the exact date.

Feb 25 of 2005. That was the day Relations: McEmpire was born. My book is gonna be two years old in a couple weeks. Wow.

August 21st of 1991. That was the day I got a P.O. Box and started a software company. Seems like a lifetime ago.

I like dates and times and marking another year off the calendar. Having a sense of accomplishment for feeling right with the universe or even just right with yourself for yet another year.

Good stuff. I recommend it.

Peace & Love,
-Alex

Being OUT

2007-02-04T09:48:00.000-05:00

Being OUT

(this news item posted on February.04.2007)

There are a lot of different questions that people ask me when I tell them I'm polyamorous. One of the ones that really sets me to thinking is the one that goes something like "Yeah but, aren't you afraid people are going to find out?"

The answer has to be a fairly obvious no. I've written an autobiographical book, much of which is about polyamory, and published it on line. I then write two novels with polyamory as a central feature. Anyone who asks me about my relationships in any way that requires me to bring up the subject gets an honest answer. So, apparently... no, I'm not afraid people are going to find out.

That's not the part that requires much thinking. The part that I often think about for hours afterwards is 'Why do so many people think I'm supposed to be afraid that people are going to find out?'

I suppose that's all easy for me to say. Most of my close family --my maternal grandparents and my mother-- have passed away and that frees me from worry about "What is my family going to think?" I have a forgetful uncle that I'm pretty close to who is always asking me questions about "my girlfriend" which prompt me to ask "Which girlfriend?". I've revealed to him that I'm polyamorous enough times to make up for not having a large immediate family.

But before not having a lot of close living family members even becomes a factor, the real heart of the matter is that my mother taught me not to do things that I'd be ashamed or embarrased about or didn't have a good reason for doing. And so I've gotten used to being able to easily and explain and talk about all of my life choices. Having taught me that, she then became very accepting of whatever the actual choices were that I made in life. I have no doubt that if she'd have still been alive and I'd have brought Heather home to her and introduced her to my new polyamorous girlfriend she'd have responded with "As long as that's what makes you happy." And a year later if I'd have told her "Hey mom, I'm becomming polyamorous myself now." she'd have responded with "That's fine if that's what makes you happy." She'd have been needling me for grandkids along the way probably, but that's the basic jist of how it would go.

So, I am comfortable with my decisions. I'm secure in the knowledge that my loved ones are or would have been comfortable with my decisions. So, who else am I supposed to be afraid of finding out? I've told my coworkers. I would tell my boss if the topic ever came up. I've told people I felt would be completely comfortable with it and weren't and I've told deeply religious Christian types who I've expected would wig out (some of whom haven't). I basically can't find anybody to be afraid of.

It's very liberating. Where it harms none and makes you happy, do what thou wilt.

----
This journal entry was inspired by having --on a whim-- decided to type out the story of meeting Heather on the UUPA listserve. And then someone on the listserve suggested that I should submit it to Polyamorous Percolations to be published. And I said sure. And I did so. And now, there it is for the whole world to see. And the editor asked me what I wanted to use as an alias or a pen name, and that question boggled my mind for a second. Like "Hey, that was some good writing. What, you think I don't want to take credit for it?"

I like having difficulty relating to fear of consequences. Liberating. That's how we eventually get free; we remove the smelly buckets of festering consequences from above one another's heads.

I'm With the Band

2007-01-21T02:44:00.000-05:00

I'm With the Band...

(this news item posted on January.21.2007)

Is it storytelling time again? Already? Yay!

Last weekend I was telling this story to my girlfriends around the breakfast table and it was kind of fun to tell and pretty meaningful.

---

The year was 1990 or thereabouts. I was a student at Buffalo State college. A computer major. And some of my computer major friends had a band. With two drummers. But that part's not important.

The part that's important is that they somehow lost thier lead singer. And I overheard them talking about looking for a new lead singer. I used to sing Michael Hutchense (INXS) songs in my car really loud and fantasize about them making a video of me and all that. I mean EVERYBODY imagines they could be the lead singer if they just got the right lucky break. Y'know.

So I asked my friends if they would let me try out as lead singer for their band. They looked surprised, and asked me... "Can you sing?" Well, DUH. I Mean, can't everybody?!?! I told them I surely could sing and how do I go about becoming their new lead singer. So they gave me a casette tape with four songs on it and told me to memorize the lyrics by friday night. Then meet them at the church where they rehearse.

So, you should know that memorization is generally no problem for me. There were two Tom Petty songs, a song by Rush and a song that I don't remember who it was sung by. I memorized all four by Friday. I still remember most of the lyrics. And, I actually just remembered the fourth song was by Tesla. But that's not important.

What was important was that I TOTALLY SUCKED. I was so terrified. OMG! So, so, so, so scared. It sent me into extreeme anxiety just to even walk onto the stage, let alone speak into the microphone. I froze. Often. I forgot the lyrics every two lines or so. I couldn't sing any louder than whisper quiet. I was afraid someone might hear me. Man it was awful. They tried every trick they could think of to relax me, give me every opportunity, hope the night wouldn't be a total loss. They asked me to sing songs I knew a bit better and they'd impprovise the music. I tried singing some INXS songs, but I blanked on all those lyrics too. In a last ditch effort they asked me to rap. I tried that too. No good. I officially sucked. Sucked bad. That part was significant.

I decided that I had learned an important lesson about reality. That certain things seem easy until you do them. And that not everyone was cut out to be on stage or speak into microphones. Singing should be left to the professions. Sure, you never know unless you try... but I had tried and failed miserably, and I could know forevermore that I had given my 15 minutes of fame a shot and was glad to have tried at and learned that it's just not what I was cut out for.

The End.

---

And oh what a difference 17 years makes.

Some of you know that I do a little rap thing now and again these days. I do performance poetry. On stages. In front of audiences. Sometimes into microphones. Not that I always need microphones cause I can get loud on my own. I remember a TON of lyrics. Kinda like lyrics on demand. And I've been having fun with that for a couple years now.

BUT... I hadn't really had any occasion to rap over live music before. I've always wanted to. But the opportunity never really arose.

Enter, Paul Z. He's a guitar guy at my church. He does an annual music service for our church. I've seen it once. It's good stuff.

So, I've been a member of the UU Church of Buffalo for about 4 years now. I've performed in my church for events that have been held there, but I've never actually been before the church to perform for the congregation or anything.

One special event held at my church --happened last summer-- was a benefit for the WNY Peace Center, and a bunch of people from my church were there and saw me do my thing. And Paul Z --who I knew a little bit because he had bought my book and talked about it with me a bit-- came up and reminded me that he does an annual thing performing for a sunday service and all that. He said "Let's do something with Hip Hop. Would you be interested?"

So, like, he was serious. And now all of a sudden there are these rehersals. And I'm rapping and everything... except now there's this band and stuff. And they're all really kick ass musicians. And last week was our first rehearsal, and today was our second, and both times we've really blown up the spot.

Usually, performing for me, it's all about the message. Someone gives me a microphone and an audience and I'm not going to waste it. I'm going to hit them with the most carefully considered lyrics I could come up with and infuse it with passion and hope with my most solemn hope that it will lead to someone thinking of something in some new way... inspire someone to do something, get active, start helping.

This feels kind of different. It feels much more like showing off. It's kind of like this... I've already written the lyrics. They are what they are. The message can't help but shine through. I can relax now. Not worry about that part. It's all taken care of. Instead, I can relax and feel the power of music cradling my voice. I feel very much like a modern day Michael Hutchence. I'll be rappin, like 'Damn! The kid is bringing the hot heat!'

If at first you don't succeed I guess. Y'know.

Thanks for listening.

The end, again.

---

The Church of Hip Hop will be happening at the UU church of Buffalo, 695 Elmwood (at West Ferry) on Sunday March 18th at 10:30am

Then in April I will be performing at the Lizzard Ball

And in June (probably) I will be performing at BeatFest 2007.

Good times.

Time and time again...

2007-01-09T09:33:00.000-05:00

Time and time again...

(this news item posted on January.09.2007)

As the Year changes on the calendar, so too does everything about my life.

One month ago I was compelled to work 12 hour days, and I was producing a weekly radio show. Heather and I each had a general awareness of some love eminating from the other human form in the bed, but we barely had time to share a meal and exchange a "Hey, How was your day?" before the daily grind would begin again.

Now, one month later everything has changed. The strike has ended at work and it's a struggle to even find 2 hours of real work to do at work. The radio station just up and poofed one day and there is no radio show, no interviews to conduct, no hours of mixing and editing, nada. I have a whole and unbroken 3 day weekend every week instead of spending Saturdays in a radio station Studio.

So, now I'm trying to negotiate the change of pace. Dedicating some time to my relationships with Heather and Beth was a given. We've been figuring a lot of stuff out. Sharing a lot of smiles. Heather has been making big moves in her endeavors as one of the foremost Natural Family Preservationists since the Allison Quets story splashed all over the headlines. Watching her and assisting her with that's been a really worthwhile way to spend some time. I've been looking out at my world wide web landscape, the unkempt array of domain names that look like an overgrown garden. I've been doing a bit of internet pruning here and there. And, of course, I've been making my way back to my writing.

The Problem With Earthlings. It's not a very large book at all. But it sure is taking a long time to write. I'm almost gunshy about tapping the keys on it again. Every time I've really developed a head of steam and gotten momentum on it I end up with a 12 hour workday or a weekly radio show or some such commitment or distraction.

Anyway, I should probably stop writing about writing and start writing.

...

...later. When I'm more well rested.

*yawn*

An Open Letter to Young Women

2006-12-30T22:56:00.000-05:00

An Open Letter to Young Women

(this news item posted on December.30.2006)

An Open Letter to Young Women,

Recently, the Allison Quets story has been all over the news. Briefly, Allison Quets is a woman who lost her children to adoption in spite of the fact that she emphatically changed her mind within 24 hours and has spent more than a year and $400,000 dollars trying to get them back. If, in the face of all that, she was unable to get her children back, what hope do people who don't have that much resolve and a life's savings of $400,000 have against the adoption industry?

I write this letter because I have seen people that I care about very deeply be irreparably harmed by the Adoption Industry. It would seem that there are no easy answers or perfect solutions when it comes to women's fertility issues and reproductive rights. It is a very volatile, contentious and emotional subject. It is not the intention of this letter to berate adoptive parents or stand in judgement of young women who have made an informed decision to place their child for adoption. Rather, it is my hope that this letter will provide useful information for young women who are or may become sexually active and/or pregnant.

A Marketdata Enterprises industry analysis of Adoption Services in 2001 placed a $1.4 billion value on adoption services in the US, with a projected annual growth rate of 11.5%.

It is safe to say that there are a lot of people who profit from adoption. In the United States, couples have demonstrated a willingness to pay anywhere from $1,000 to the more typical $10,000 on up to $50,000 to secure a child. Now that the United States awards a tax credit of $10,000 per adopted child, much of this is even done with the money of the average U.S. citizen.

In 1972, as a result of the Roe vs. Wade decision legalizing abortion there was a sharp decline in the availability of healthy Caucasian infants. The growing adoption industry attempted to compensate for this loss in several ways. One way was to expand their efforts in the area of international adoptions. Another was to redouble their efforts to separate mothers who were on the fence about adoption from their children.

Adoption Industry professionals have a number of coercive and insidious tactics at their disposal. They have a great deal of money that the government takes from everyone and gives to them, giving them very deep pockets. And they have very slick public relations and media campaigns that attempt to make adoption look like a beneficent perfect solution that harms no one.

Don't believe it.

One of the first things you should know is that if you are pregnant and confused and running out of options and you see anything like an advertisement that offers young pregnant women free room and board while they get their lives together, this is probably TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. Young women taking advantage of such offers are finding themselves under extreme pressure to either surrender their baby for adoption or pay back the cost of their "free" room and board.

Another very important thing to be aware of is that the Adoption Industry needs you to sign relinquishment papers and there have been cases where industry professionals will do almost anything to get you to sign. Please be prepared and know what to do BEFORE you are in the vulnerable state of just having delivered a baby. You have the legal right to insist that anyone who is bothering you be forced to leave your hospital room. And if any person refuses to observe that right, you have a moral obligation to refuse to stop screaming at the top of your lungs until they leave you in peace (using whatever language you deem necessary for the situation).

Next you should know that if you have signed relinquishment papers, there may be state laws that allow you a grace period to change your mind.

You should also know that many adoption industry professionals may attempt to entice you with the lure of "open adoption" --they will tell you that you can still visit your child and be a part of their life. Please know that "open adoption" arrangements are almost never enforceable and in a great many of the cases the adoptive parents change their mind (sometimes leaving the mother unable to contact their child EVER).

Most importantly you should know that many natural mothers report prolonged physical, psychological and physiological effects long after losing a child to adoption. And regardless of what anyone may tell you, many children placed for adoption suffer prolonged physical, psychological and physiological effects after losing parent(s) to adoption.

In the New Year, as you're filling out mySpace bulletins and passing on chain letters and having other assorted fun on the internet... please also take time to pass this information on to anyone you feel it may be of use to. Please feel free to change it, put it in your own words or add links and so on.

Peace and Love,
-Alex Mead, a friend of a friend

Here are some links to more information:
www.theadoptionshow.com
www.OriginsUSA.org
www.exiledmothers.com
Adoptese MSN Group

Being 36

2006-12-16T12:22:00.000-05:00

Being 36

(this news item posted on December.16.2006)

A coworker of mine and I just had birthdays. He was turning 26 as I was turning 36. We were discussing getting older and he told me that he felt like having a rate reduction on his auto insurance by turning 26 was the last age related thing to look forward to in life and that it was probably going to be all downhill from here.

Well, at age 36 I've aged out of my anual pigramige to Opus in August. That's no fun. I don't have any auto insurance so, consequently, I have no idea what turning 36 does to it. It's true enough that most positive age related events seem to have stopped a long time ago. I guess I can run for President now. Regardless, I don't know that I've ever had a more positive outlook on my own personal future. I tried to explain that to him.

Whenever I want to convey a message, my tendency is to try to tell a story. That's what I do, I'm a story teller. I conjured a story where the 36 year old me could travel back and try to tell the me of 6 years ago about the future. I have no doubt that the 6 years ago me would have looked at me like I was speaking nonsense.

"Well, you see, the new president you have is going to be one of your absolute least favorite presidents of your entire lifetime. He's going to use a climate of fear --created by an event that'll happen in about a year-- to trample Civil Liberties, not just in the USA, but in any nation where it can be gotten away with. This stock market buble that's beginning to burst is REALLY going to burst, because it's about to be discovered that one of the big 5 accounting firms on Wall Street has been helping most of it's major clients to cheat on their homework. Yep next year is going to be a big one for corporate crime: Worldcom, Enron, Tyco, Adelphia, Global Crossing, Quest, and the list goes on. All those folks have been misleading their investors and sums of money that you can't even begin to fathom are about to be lost on Wall Street. Despite the economic upheaval this will cause, the Bush administration, at the behest of their corporate paymasters, will still push through staggering tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans, ballon the Pentagon budget up to 450 Billion (with a B), in order to start two major wars for oil, and --believe it or not-- make the situation in the middle east even worse. At the same time they're going to start destroying the environment faster than ever, and replace the Public Education system you're used to with memorization, standardized tests, and big corporate charter schools. Mr. "I'm a uniter not a divider" will then steal another election in 2004, and push through some "Help America Vote Act" which will threaten to steal elections in into the future indefinitely. Most Americans will become very suspicious of corporations and millitarism, but the corporate media will make sure that at any given time these suspicious Americans won't be able to help but feel they're in the minority. Congress will push through sweeping bankruptsy and credit reforms which will push even more corporate power up to the already powerful international banks, and the middle class will be saddled with more debt than anything your lifetime up-till-now has prepared you for. You'll learn all about how the adoption industry is pretty much just baby-trafficing, and upper middle income families will be encouraged to buy babies from all the nations we'll be devastating with 'shock and awe'. So many people you know and love will be alone and isolated, deep in dept, denied access to continuing education, and some, stuck in cycles of medicated depression."

"BUT, don't worry about all that, you'll have two totally wonderful girlfriends, AND all of the chaos will give you plenty to write about as you'll be a self-published author many times over. Oh, AND you'll be a performer... at age 33 you'll suddenly decide to start rapping in public and people are really gonna dig it. AND you'll be building community with some really amazing activists that you have yet to meet. And, Oh by the way, you'll be a manual laborer making a lot of money crossing a strike-action picket line and throwing big heavy tires. You'll be totally buff, in the best shape of your life, and lots of really fantastic women will find you attractive and be great friends to you. And you'll even have long hair again. Remember how much you used to like the long hair? Now, you'll be making more money at this job than you've ever made before --and boy you're going to need it because you'll conveniently ignore everything your mother ever tried to teach you about paying the balance on your credit card on time and you'll be one of those Americans swimming in debt that I was talking about before-- BUT don't sweat it, long as you keep crossing the picket line to chuck tires you'll be fine. They're even gonna make you the boss. Don't look at me like that. Being the boss ain't so bad."

Yeah. The truth is easily just as strange as fiction. Through the eyes of six years ago, the world definitely does seem to have gone to hell in a handbasket, but it would be impossible not to enjoy all of these crazy twists in my life. After four plus years of an intimate relationship I still wake up to erotic dreams of my wise and wonderful and beautiful lifemate and get all worked up and excited about my budding romance. I like to think I must be doing something right.

I dunno.

Life is funny.

LAUGH.

cry.

Have a full range of emotions.

You might as well.

Peace & Love,
-Alex

B.A.W.

2006-11-18T15:01:00.000-05:00

B.A.W.
(this news item posted on November.17.2006)

Bored At Work

click for larger image

click here for more drawings

Peace & Love
-Alex

The End

2006-06-17T02:58:00.000-04:00

The End

(this news item posted on June.17.2006)

Welcome to the end. The end of chapter 3 that is. I'm writing a second autobiography. Really slowly. And today I find myself at the end of chapter 3.

How does chapter 3 end?

Well the guy gets the gal. And the other gal. But not without a climactic finale. I thought that my new girlfriend and my old girlfriend and me were just just going to smooth sail into bliss. But that was not to be. Last Tuesday I really messed things up. We all messed things up. We were all communicating super fast (because all three of us are great communicators), but I don't know if it was even possible to communicate as fast as we'd have had to communicate to smooth sail through the complexity involved in the three of our lives. There was a lot of really intense hurt and confusion and shock.

Funny thing is... all of the mess from trying to start this new relationship didn't really hurt the new relationship any... BUT it did end up making the old relationship that much better. Which I wouldn't have imagined was even possible. But somehow... was.

Another interesting plot twist. Heather has my old job at Dunlop. So that means: she gets a chance to see what the job I used to talk to her about is like first hand, I get to help her learn the job with all of the things I picked up, we get to ride to work together a few days a week since I still work in the same physical location, and Heather has an income so her stress about not having an income can begin to disipate. She looks really authoritarian in her uniform, it's an amazing transformation.

Heather's been helping to organize the house finances and prepare to invite people into our Art Co-op too so even my finances are starting to heal ever so slowly.

So the end of chapter three finds me feeling really loved and appreciated. Enthusiastic about future projects. Feeling like community and family are finally beginning to come into my life. life is a fun ride.

So... up next is chapter 4.

Chapter 4 will not only be chapter 4, but it will also be a fully self-contained story in its own right. What I'm trying to say is that my journaling is about to become radically different. It's about to turn into a story called "The Problem With Earthlings..."

It's been bouncing around my mind for some time and I highly recommend it to you. I think that you should add my journal to your favorites in your browser or subscribe to my blog on MySpace(which is a pretty cool feature by the way) or add me to your livejournal friends or do whatever is involved in helping you to follow along. It'll be fun. Or interesting. Or some other nice adjective.

See ya there.

-Alex

3am

2006-06-17T01:25:00.000-04:00

3am

(this news item posted on June.10.2006)

It came from out of nowhere.

I was getting used to --once again-- being a polyamorous guy with one girlfriend. An awesome and wonderful girlfriend, certainly, but folks generally become polyamorous to explore the possibility of more.

To be sure, exploring is pretty fun. I've met (and crushed on) all of these really wonderful women, all of whom have become friends and some of whome have become REALLY good friends. But none of whom really wanted to make that leap and look into a lasting romance. (clarification: no one local to me I mean.)

So all of a sudden I was at the housing co-op for dinner on Wednesday night like I generally am... and she just walked into my life. Oh I had met her before a bunch. We'd smiled at one another a lot and embraced like old friends a few times. But all of a sudden she was asking to share attention with me. She wanted to listen to my story and/or tell me her story.

Life is all about rushing and being busy for us young folks. We were only able to shcedule 15 minutes of giving one another our attention. It ended up being a half-hour and we acknowledged that we needed to do that again really soon.

Couple days later I was calling her. Hoping to schedule some attention time. Hoping for something soon. What she had in mind was even soon than what I had in mind. Namely, NOW. Let's get together and talk for an hour starting now.

We met up around nine. Talking was going really well. REALLY well. By the time midnight rolled around it was pretty clear that we were really interested in one another. Something really amazingly fun was happening. Energy was transforming and becoming really romantic energy.

By 3am I had a really intense case of the smittens. I tried to warn her about what she was getting into; to tell her every possible detractor and cosmic oddity. She didn't much care.

I had been waiting for something for a long time without really being sure what it was. I had been waiting for a woman to come along who I didn't have to talk into it. Someone actually enthusiastic about the idea of mingling lives with myself and Heather and excited about exploring a relationship with me. I had been thinking that maybe I was worth at least that.

The next day the three of us spent time getting to know each other.

Good times.

-Alex

Sound Bites

2006-05-06T12:19:00.000-04:00

Sound Bites

(this news item posted on May.06.2006)

On-again-off-again = Off. Over. Done.

Performing = Done for a while. Last night I totally killt it!! FUN!

What's New = I might be hosting a radio show for Hip Hop in Action on WHLD am 1270 here in Western New York.

Writing = Nothing right now, but I'm starting to get the itch.

Love = SWEET LOOOOOVE.

Webwork = Finally making some progress.

WorkWork = Work is work.

Also not dead = AMProSoft

2006-04-29T10:34:00.000-04:00

Also not dead = AMProSoft

(this news item posted on April.29.2006)

Picture Link

Wow. Hard to believe it had been about 7 years since the last time I drew a picture of Princess AMPra. It feels like there was a three year period there where I was drawing her every single day.

About a year ago I took a look at AMProSoft.com and was suddenly saddedned by the state of disrepair that I'd allowed it to fall into. AMProSoft.com was the very first domain name I ever registered. But, of course, it's much more than that. It represents more than 15 years of history, hopes and dreams as a video game maker, composer, comic book artist, publisher, etc.

So, a year ago I looked at the website which had not been updated in about 2 years. There wasn't much useful info there. First I just redesigned the whole thing so that it could at least look like the vision of a homepage that I had in my head. Then I slowly began adding in the pieces. My journal at first. That was a nice boost. Put my books up for sale. Recovered all of the old versions of the website and created some archives. Sort of a smithsonian exhibit of the website.

So I still have a ton more plans. Seems like it takes a minor miracle to ever come across the time to code some more stuff. But it's been happening. The Upcoming Events table on the main page that I coded this week is pretty nice. I've been digging through the old comics and considering putting out a few bound editions of the whole series. Maybe even finish the story arc I was on when it suddenly stopped. And I still work on that CD from time to time too.

I prefer to talk about projects once their finished rather than pronouncements about future plans, but sometimes putting it out there can inspire a body to find the time. Y'know.

Peace & Love,
-Alex

This Woman

2006-04-21T23:04:00.000-04:00

This Woman

(this news item posted on April.21.2006)

Right. Okay. So, there's this woman right? Right. I won't mention her by name in my journal because I haven't really run that by her yet, but a lot of local folx already know who she is.

Wait. Hang on. Speaking of local folks --before I forget-- I just wrote a new program for my homepage that will let people know when and where I'm reading out and performing. Just click on http://www.amprosoft.com and you'll see it. Show up to any of that stuff and you'll see me.

Right. So about this woman. *sigh* She has this beaming easy smile and she laughs with abandon. A couple entries ago I wrote a bit about her. We were on-again-off-again for a bit. But we've been enjoying the on again for a good while now. I think about her lots, tons & bunches.

Life is good.

Last year I wrote an entry about how Buffalo's really cool because I make a ton of new friends all the time. Well, that's still true. But this woman makes a ton of friends too, and so now it seems like I have this whole huge influx of friends because I have access to her ton of friends and my ton of friends. I'm on friend overload.

And I'm sharing lots of friends with her too. I had an entry about my friend Christina and how she came to UU church and just became one of us on the spot. Well, this new woman in my life, came to UU church and just up and joined the choir. Yeah, that same choir that has done all kinds of things to my emotions over the years will now have her voice in it.

Saw my old friend Anna (from my poetry book) yesterday. I had really been missing her. She's gonna read at Urban Epiphany (see my website for the time & date & place). I saw my old friend Kim today. Missed her too. I start to think of all the friends I owe some time to. Nah, those're dangerous waters. Nevermind all that.

So, people keep telling me that I look good lately. That takes some getting used to. Maybe I'm just smiling more lately. It seems like everywhere I look there are people that I love. Work is going pretty good. My new girlfriend gets along well with my old girlfriend. Having Heather living back here in Buffalo with me really has it's wonderful moments. I feel like I'm finally starting to get this life thing right.

I have a couple new songs that I'm looking to perform soon, including one written just for Urban Epiphany on Sunday the 30th. That event comes highly recommended by me. And MAP open mic should be just as spectacular as it always is.

Peace & Love,
-Alex

Woah hey IIIIIII. Ooooooowoah. I'm still Alive!

2006-04-12T12:02:00.000-04:00

(this news item posted on April.12.2006)

Been a while.

Life got kinda crazy for a minute. I'll try to give you the short version, though, even the short version is pretty long.

working:

Since September my job has been to throw tires into trucks. It's a very nice, physical job where I make a good buck. Several good bucks actually. And then as soon as I get them, I turn all of my good bucks over to the evil credit card companies that own me in a sort of nouveaux slavery arrangement.

One day back in December my boss told me that he was going on a vacation in March and asked if I'd like to be the boss while he was gone and collect his salary in addition to my regular pay. That was a no-brainer. Wasn't anything I could afford to turn down even if I wanted to.

As the vacation date in mid March was approaching I kept trying to ask questions and make preparations and figure out if this was all still happening and whether or not we were properly prepared and how things were going to go and all. Everyone seemed pretty non-chalant about it so I figured everyone knew what they were doing.

Um,... no.

The DAY BEFORE the scheduled vacation everyone starts calling me on the phone in a huge panic trying to stress me out and get me to join their freaking-out party. Not only was my boss going to go on vacation, but the tire factory decided they were going to increase production just as he was heading out of town so we had the same number of employees, way more trucks to fill and my boss was going to go on a cruise and totally turn his phone off. The boss of the whole truck loading company that I work for was calling me and offering to come up and load trucks personally if we needed it. I still wished that people would have prepared more ahead of time, but I wasn't really looking to get all freaked out about it. I told everyone that I would do my best and that I suspected that my best would be plenty sufficient.

So, it wasn't easy. I put everything --almost everything-- in my life on hold and made ready to load trucks around the clock if I needed to. I started calling all of our loaders and letting them know our situation. I started getting familiar with the schedule and looking for ways to get more loading out of the crew we had.

The tire factory didn't increase production by near as much as they said they were going to. Through the first weekend we were keeping up with them just fine. The one thing in my life I didn't put on hold were the performances I mentioned in my last journal entry (way back when) because I really felt like I needed to get in front of an audience and let loose.

performing:

So I have this new poem/song called Color Inside the Lines that's really fun to do. I was scheduled to perform it 3 times in four days. The first performance was at my friend Liz's poetry event. I performed it well, but I really didn't feel good about it. Like maybe that was the wrong venue for it. I was glad to have gotten it out without messing up any words, but I was more excited about performing it the following night for my activist buddies at the Subversive Theatre play.

So, after performing I went into work and all hell had broken loose. We were way behind and people were freaking out so I called in everyone I could call in and I loaded as many trucks as I could load (had time to load). I ended up working a 17 hour shift (which included a 3 hour nap in my boss' office). I loaded 5 and a half trucks. Throwing tires for 14 hours with only three hours of sleep is very physically challenging, but honestly I could have done more. I probably would have done more to give us a little cushion but it came time to perform again.

I was dead tired, and dirty and stinky. But hell, I've given some great performances dead tired before. I was very eager and excited. All of my activist friends showed up. And then... there was no time available for me to perform.

I saw a really good play, but it was super frustrating not to get a chance to get on. I went home and went to bed with a lot of pent up performance enrgy waiting to burst out.

The next couple days at work were much the same. Frantic. Taxing. Unpredictable. But I was handling everything that was thrown my way. Refuse to lose. Find a way to get it done. Etc.

Wednesday rolled around and I was feeling like I had my second wind. I had a few good meals in me and had experienced some nice hot showers. I had made it more than half way through my boss' vacation. Things were looking up. And it was the day of the M.A.P. open mic. My favorite venue to perform at.

I got to MAP Open mic and there really weren't many people there. Hardly any. That was somewhat disappointing. But I've always said that I will throw everything I have into it whether it's 1 person or 1,000 in the audience. So I just tried to do that. And I really got after it with the performing and had lots of fun. There was a lot of opportunity to perform multiple times and as the night wore on more and more people showed up. Several great musicians were there to the the Mass Avenue Orchestra fired up and let people pass the mic around. The band hit a really good groove and I sang The Life by Mystic and just really, really felt the music. It was awesome. I even messed up most of the words and it was STILL way awesome. It really all fit together. By the end of the night I was having such a good time.

And then, seemingly out of nowhere, I was dancing with a most beautiful woman as we were all cleaning up at the end of the night. Not just dancing, something was happening. Like, feeling like I'm totally falling for some really beautiful woman is an almost daily experience in my life and neighborhood. But, woah, feeling like someone was falling for me back?? That's new.

Loving:

So there's this woman. Natural, beautiful, happy, smart, fun, compassionate. The whole everything. I just wanted to spend some time considering the possibilities before we get to the part where I have to tell her aout Heather and she runs away. I didn't have much free time, because I had to finish being the boss at work. But a few days later that was all over. I had succeeded in keeping things from falling appart and they were going to pay me buttloads of money which would halp me keep my precariously balanced financial house of cards from collapsing. All was good on the work front. Oh, except that my boss broke his ankle while on vacation and wouldn't be able to fully return to work. But that wasn't really MY problem. I did my ten days of blood sweat and tears.

So, about this woman. Things just went super fast. Before I could even get my bearings it was already time to tell her about Heather (and watch her run away). Only, I told her about Heather and she didn't run away. She just said 'take it slow.' And what could be more perfect than that? Slow is like my favorite setting.

And so Heather was coming home for the weekend that weekend even. And by the time the weekend rolled around I was so into everything about this woman and so eager to have her meet Heather, and...

And that's what happened. Easily one of the highest highs of my last 365. A most fantastically incredible weekend of the three of us getting to know each other and asking questions and looking at things through new eyes, and... and there was snuggling. Memories of the variety that don't go away.

It seemed too good to last. It didn't last. And now I'm sort of sad. But also pretty Happy that Heather is almost here. And I felt like I got a glimpse of the future. Some woman(en) or man(en) will get us there again. That happy place is meant to be a big part of the rest of our lives. Just is.

Will be.

Felt nice to journal again. Thanks for caring.

-Alex

Mar.18.2006

2006-03-19T16:47:00.000-05:00

Mar.18.2006

(this news item posted on March.19.2006)

Protest:

Buffalo has some of the best protests. People who are standing in the downtown wind tunnel when it's 20 degrees out have to be pissed off. It's really not an activity for the mildly unhappy. I finally got to reconnect with a ton of old friends yesterday. I had felt like I just travel in different circles from my activist buddies lately, but yesterday I was able to free up my schedule, attend the Mar.18.2006 demonstrations, collect about a half a hundred hugs, sell a couple of my books, and read a brief bio about a fallen solder to a crowd of pissed off Buffalonians.

Being the Boss:

I was able to free up my schedule because, the person making the schedule... is me. Yeah, I've been at this job for 6 months. My boss goes on a 10 day vacation and the person tapped to take over is yours truly. Means a nice 10 day pay raise and a little more schedule flexability and a lot more responsability. People getting paid depends on me. That's spooky. So far I'm doing really well.

Performing:

So yeah. I wrote that new song. I've performed it about a million times to the audience of tires at work. Now it's time to take it for a spin and perform it for audiences of people.

With all of the crazy responsabilities of work, I am really going to burn myself out trying to squeeze all of these performances in at the same time. But, meh, you're only young until you get old. I am gonna perform my new piece about 3 times in the next 4 days probably.

Mar.19.2006	7:00P	Poetry: Liz Mariani (open reader slots, I'll prolly read)	@ Rust Belt Books
Mar.20.2006	7:00P	Subversive Thearte (I might be performing with the Flaming Humvees)	@ Hallwalls
Mar.22.2006	8:00P	Mass Ave Project Open Mic	@ Mass Ave Project Community Center

After next week I'll probably be dead from exhaustion. Leave me comments while there's still time.

:)

-Alex

Hurry Up and Weight

2006-03-11T13:53:00.000-05:00

Hurry Up and Weight

(this news item posted on March.11.2006)

Hurry Up:

My life is pretty out of control. I figure I'd go for a while without taking on any major projects and I could start to get caught up on the little things.

No such luck. The deluge of little things is unending and I can't even seem to get the least of them finished. Somehow I am good at getting a whole big intricate and complicated book written, but assign me the task of getting caught up on my email. Sigh. Even breaking it down into small chunks: Get caught up on last week's email. Hopeless.

I saw my friend Christina the other day and she asked me if I was still her friend anymore. Sincerely asked me. I think I owe her an email and a phone call and I haven't been to church to see her in a while.

So. Okay. It kinda sucks that we've come to live in a society where we'll move mountains and marshes to get to work on time, but we have to relegate our friends to "as time permits" status.

I'm really glad there are scheduled friend times in my life like the Housing co-op dinner and the dinner co-op at the Mass Ave community center or I'd probably have no friends that I ever see on a weekly basis.

Humanity can do better than this. What are we waiting for?

weight:

I stopped weighing myself many years ago. The two main reasons for this are: One, I really do believe in all of that stuff I say about weight being a rather unimportant determinant in terms of fitness. All of that stuff about muscle mass density vs. fat tissue density and things like water retention and bone structure make comparing your weight against others or even, sometimes, to what your own weight has been, rather meaningless. The second reason, well, my weight rarely ever changed. I had weighed around 250 pounds for nearly ten years. During that time I had gone through periods where I worked out a lot and got slimmer or became sedentary and put on winter layers or whatever and through it all I would weigh nearly the same.

So I haven't stepped on a scale in the last 5 years or so, and haven't wanted to.

I am suddenly curious.

Yesterday at work it occured to me that when I first started working at my job I used to stand on the deck plates at work and they would reluctantly sink down. Now I stand on the deck plates and they just sorta stay there. I have to stand on them and push against the wall or drive over them with the heavy machinery to get them to go down now.

I dunno. Seems like a clue that my weight may have changed significantly. It's still not like I care a whole ton one way or the other. My fitness level is really good these days. But... it just seems like a relevant piece of data to have. Y'know. Like in case a big bag of bunny rabits is sinking into a river of moltent lava and a group of people are hanging onto the other side of a rope thrown over a tree branch trying to counterweight and pull it back from the brink. You know, and the one fella on the end shouts out "We need at least 240 lbs more for this last little bit of rope we have!" I don't want to go volunteering for something I'm not qualified for, y'know, with a bag of bunnies on the line and all.

2006-03-08T15:33:00.000-05:00

I <3 Buffalo!!!

(this news item posted on March.08.2006)

Yesterday was not an especially out of the ordinary day for me. By that I mean in a lot of ways it was my typical day. That's why I love Buffalo so much. So many of my days are so much more interesting/fun/spiffy-keen/entertaining than I generally expect days to be.

Started off, normally enough, waking up to the alarm clock blaring out WHLD, our new progressive radio station that I got to watch as it was born, grew, crawled, and took it's first steps. Spent hurried minutes wiching I wasn't always in such a rush in the morning, wishing I had a few minutes to call into the radio station and say something that would inspire people to think about things or remember something important.

Went to work and packed two and a half trucks full of tires while I rehearsed my new rap song to my captive tire audience. Came home lamenting how cash strapped I was at that particular moment (my wallet, completely empty, my coat pocket reduced to literally pennies).

I wasted a coupld hours with the crazy internet (which is getting to be worse than tv. I don't think we're using this thing right).

I went to the Dinner Co-op. I have already paid way in advance so I didn't have to worry about money. I could just sit down and have a great healthy meal that the awesome people in my community cooked. Lots of great familiar faces, plus, lately there've been old friends that I haven't seen in a long time and new people to meet. PLUS, then as we were standing around waiting for food, my friend Aaron paid me some money he had owed me on one of my books that he bought a few weeks ago. Yay! Don't have to wait for payday to eat or ride over to the money co-op.

So then there's this new Hip Hop assemblage that's forming. The attendance last night was not encouraging, but, whatevs. There are lots of really great people associated with that group and it's gonna do great things. So we were told to bring some Art to share or something and have a go around and present what it is that we do in Hip Hop. So, it was my turn and I asked the good professor Kush B if he wouldn't mind breakin me off one of those beats. And then I KILLT it.

Buffalo has many great beatboxers. It's so awesome to be at a Mass Ave Project open mic and just call up one of my friends and collabo over a funky beat. But Kush is somewhat of a beatboxing institution. He's amazingly amazing in an amazing way. He kept it simple so I could just go all lyrical and what not, but I rank it up there with the time I got to act with Manny Fried or open for Ralph Nader.

Buffalo has all kinds of CRAZYness around every corner. It's a really hard place to live. But it's always worth it at harvest time. Sometime's I can't believe I get to live here. Of all the places I could have been born. Good job mom. Always thinkin.

Photojournal: The Journey to Work

2006-03-01T08:45:00.000-05:00

Photojournal: The Journey to Work

(this news item posted on March.01.2006)

This is the scene outside my front door.

At the foot of the stairs is my trusty bike that has transported me more'n a thousand miles in the last couple years. It was a really good gift from a really good friend JimW.

A block away is the High School that I attended 18 to 22 years ago.

A couple miles toward work and I pass this play area for a day care center. The children don't get to play on grass, but at least they have colored the artificial surface green for them, to sort of almost remind them of grass. There is a busy highway that runs behind the playground so that their developing little lungs can get the monoxide that they need. Also there is a busy street that might as well be a highway that I ride my bike on to ensure that they get car exhaust from both directions. Plus there's a boat shop attached to the day care center for bonus random chemicals.

About a half mile later I get to ride along the mighty Niagara River. In previous years the river used to freeze over in the winter. But that hasn't happened for the last few years.

This sprawling industrial fascility is where I work. We cook rubber and mold it into tires and then I throw them into big trucks.

Before I started throwing tires I used to work as a security guard in a little tiny shack (pictured here). A very nice little 8 by 8 cell where I would do 8 hours of time at a time for 8 dollars an hour.

An okay job for a while, but I'm glad not to be doing that any more.

Relations: Audiobooks

2006-02-18T12:55:00.000-05:00

Relations: Audiobooks

(this news item posted on February.18.2006)

I would like to start recording Relations so that people can listen to it, and I'm asking for your help.

In October of 1994 I began writing Relations: book 1 - McEmpire. I had just written a book called the Autobiography of Alex Mead: How to Care About Humans which I wanted people to read and be inspired to think about how we could treat each other better. It had that effect on some of the people who read it, but it was available as an ebook only and most people would tell me that they were fans of books on paper and needed to hold a book in their hands to really get into it.

So I put some serious thought into what I wanted to write and commit to paper. I had been researching corporate malfeasance and the tactics and lies of their Public Relations firms for quite a while --reading some very detailed and academic books on the subject-- and I wondered if I could write a story, some fiction that could make all of these problems easily understood and spell out how horrible it all is for human beings and the interconnected web of life.

People who said that they would read a book of mine if I put it on paper were mostly true to their word; I sold a lot more copies of Relations book 1 than I sold of my autobiography eBook. But now I am encountering a new problem. There are so many people that tell me that they are interested in what I've written but they don't have any time to read any book at all.

So I want to record an audiobook. I want people to be able to listen to Relations driving in their car, or online, or in their MP3 player. As the people who've read the two books well know, there are more than 100 characters in these books. So I was really hoping to get a lot of voices in on this thing. I'd really like to take a lot of care in matching voices to characters and make this realistic fiction that much more realistic.

You wanna help? Let me know.

If you have a particular favorite character, especially minor characters, and you believe you sound like them or embody them, please let me know.

If you have an interest in reading but are unfamiliar with that characters and I know what you sound like, let me know.

If you are unfamiliar with the characters, there are free chapters of the book available on the internet at my website
http://www.AMProSoft.com/books

If I don't know what you sound like, feel free to record a voice message and email it to me.

And thank you to the people who have already volunteered to help out on this.

Peace & Love,
-Alex

Beer, Radio & Mutual of Omaha

2006-02-15T13:44:00.000-05:00

Beer, Radio & Mutual of Omaha

(this news item posted on February.15.2006)

So, I was all set to get lots of website work done that I've owed everybody for ages... when I was suddenly beseiged by...

Powerful Distractions

Radio:
Two great new radio experiences have just sprung up. Seemingly out of nowhere, though they've both been around for quite some time.

fuuse.com had been without their live stream for quite a while. It's sort of a community and radio station for Unitarian Universalist young adults, so for months and months it's been a radio station without any radio station to it. But suddenly it's back, better than ever, and I've listened to much more of it than I've had time to.

Then, our local "community" type radio station has been taken over, sort of by us, and so now it is a 24 hour Progressive Talk format station with lots more awesome Pacifica programming and a lot of Air America talk show and such. I've listened to more of it than I've had time for.

Beer:
No, I haven't taken up drinking. My 30 years on the wagon continue. My roommate, however, an individual who agreed not to drink in the computer room (but often agrees to things with no intention of honoring his agreements) got bombed and passed out in the computer room. My Rage Aginst the Machine CD sitting in a pool of beer. Beer poured into the computer keyboard so that it no longer works and so that I lost a whole day off completely unable to do any computer work. And then also the carpet still smells like beer and probably will for some time to come making it hard to concentrate.

Yeah. So, that didn't help much.

Work:
And, of course, I've still been working long hours every day trying to get caught up to my out-of-control financial debt nightmare.

Did you ever used to watch Mutual of Omaha. You know, that old nature show where Jim used to get out and wrestle the aligator. I got to be the aligator yesterday at work.

Every once in a great while, some management type guy in a button down blue shirt will lead a tour through the warehouse. Usually work is endless hours of solitude in the back of a dark trailer, so it's really odd when people suddenly appear.

It's also really odd when people start talking about you in the 3rd person when you're right next to them. You begin to feel like an exhibit of sorts.

"See the way he throws those two tires at the same time. Those tires weigh 40 pounds a piece!" (he was mistaken, they were much lighter than that, but it sounded good)

"This particular one used to work in the Guard Shack. Working back here is probably a real step up for him." (Yeah, doubling your income can generally be viewed as a "step up", but a simple way to find out might be to ask him. He actually speaks English in addition to his tire throwing abilities.)

Okay, so now that I've gotten myself a new keyboard and a new day off from work and I've turned the radio off and written a journal entry I think I'm gonna actually get some work done. Wish me luck.

Your Very Own General Update...

2006-02-04T01:08:00.000-05:00

(this news item posted on February.04.2006)

Hello people that read about my life.

Here's some stuff from it

1,000 Cows:
I've been talking about my 12 years of vegetarianism for the last three months probably. But as of now, it has been officially 12 years. 1994 to now. Wow.

I gave up red meat about 6 months before that, so the fast food fascists haven't had Alex Mead to kick around for an age. Nyah.

Hair today, Here tomorrow:
So I had this plan for my hair (pictured). I was gonna grow it out until Opus this year and then let somebody cut it and donate it to locks of love and have people take a million billion pictures of me (like the last couple guys to chop their hair off at Opus), but, well, um, I'm really starting to get attached to it. It's growing on me... erm... so to speak.

So, uh, nevermind that plan. I dunno if I'd have 12 surplus inches by August anyway.

Myoozak:
So, I saw my friend Eddie U, who I had not seen in a while, and he came over to the house and hung out and I played some of my old computer songs for him and I think I'm inspired to start composing stuff again. Just messing about so far, but I think I will at least make some old stuff available online, if not make a bunch of new stuff.

I came out with 3 casette tapes in the 90s. And I had a great idea for a 4th one. I think I might remaster and reissue some of the 1st three on CD and then actually bust out that 4th one after all. A lot of the music for it is still there... hibernating on my computer.

Hows the Writing?
I'm still managing not to be writing any books right now. I'm very proud of myself. I am in the research phase of my historical novel. "Research Phase" being a fancy term for spending hours at a time clicking around on the Wikipedia.

Putting Your Financial House in Order
Slowly but slowly I'm clawing my way out of debt and stuff. Having my lucrative tire throwing job is a big help.

The Love Life:
Has me loving life.

Ok, DONE!

Peace
-Alex

Let's Talk About the Orange Elephant...

2006-01-22T22:36:00.000-05:00

(this news item posted on January.22.2006)

Have you ever gotten the feeling that people are talking about you. You convince yourself that you're just paranoid but then you see them pointing at you. Or they actually say something loud enough that you can overhear and then you know exactly what they're saying about you?

Right. So, rather than continuing to just walk past the big orange elephant in the corner, I guess I'll be the first to stop and ask "Um, hey. What's up with the orange elephant?"

Before I begin, I would remind us all that this is about to be a response to numerous sources and circumstances so no one person should get all bent out of shape about it, but life being what it is, probably everyone will. So it goes.

Today's Orange Elephant is polyamory. Specifically my polyamory. For those new to the term, polyamory is that crazy notion where you believe you can be in love with more than one person at the same time.

Commitment phobic:
I'll deal with the easiest first. I've actually had some arm-chair psychoanalist give me a dimestore diagnosis and conclude that I'm polyamorous because I'm too "weak willed" to be monogamous, adding that I was selfish and mentally unable to deal with temptation. This was a person who didn't know me, so I'm inclined not to take it so personally, but as most people that know me well can attest to, I spent about twenty teen and adult years being fiercly monogamous, never having cheated on a girlfriend, and... had the right monogamous woman happened along at the right time I could quite easily have been happily monogamous for the rest of my life. I still consider myself somewhat of an advocate for monogamy and really root for the monogamous relationships of my monogamous friends, but I feel like fewer and fewer of them are rooting for mine as they find out it's not monogamous.

You gonna get AIDS and DIE:
That's the most common reaction I get when I try to explain to someone that I'm polyamorous and what it means. A lot of it's societal. We have an American culture that's teaching us not to touch one another and to remain isolated in our homes where it's safe, and I sometimes feel like it'll only be another 10 years or so before America is entirely peopled with OCD type folks stuck in an agorophobic existance spending 10+ hours a day scrubbing themselves with antibacterial soap.

Okay, let's say hypothetically that there's a woman that I totally adore, that really would entertain the idea of a relationship with me, but for the fact that I'm polyamorous and therefore going to get AIDS and DIE. Now, in spite of the fact that I fully intend to love more than one person at a time let's consider the fact that I have been sexually involved with a grand total of one woman in this millenium. And let's estimate that during the time she's been keeping away from me for safety's sake she's had relations of some form or fashion with let's say six people. All things being equal, she'd have given herself six times the risk. But, let's say thing are not equal and let's realistically guess that the average person she's had relations with have had relations with one and a half times as many people as the person I've been with. Now we've assumed 9 times the risk. And factor in things like how much more fervant the average polyamorous person I talk to is about safer sex practices than the average youth out there trying to really impress some new person in a state of quasi-desperation. It's probably not a stretch to say that neither of us runs any particularly high chance of contracting AIDS and dying, but hers could still easily be ten times higher.

I bring this up, not to broadcast my personal business --because I'd much rather not have done that (even though technically my life is an open book, literally, available for purchase)-- and not to alienate someone that totally rocks, but rather, just to make the point that my intention to be in love with more than one person at a time doesn't give me some form of automatic suceptability to various maladies, nor does the intention to settle with one person innoculate you from such. Just because you limit yourself to one at a time and I don't doesn't pan out to the entirety of the equation. There are more factors than that.

Last time I gave blood I was HIV and Hepatitis free and I do truly believe that I am on my way to living a live where I won't be contracting AIDS, and dying from it.

Thanks for your concern though.

If you are with more than one person why not just call yourself single?

Why don't you call yourself a turnip?

I don't call myself single because I'm not single. My relationship with Heather has been ongoing for three really wonderful years and we really intend to grow old and happy together. We have the kind of commitment where any number of days can pass and we still wake up wanting to be together through the good circumstances and the bad. She and I have a level of communication that I never allowed myself to have in any of my previous relationships. I am in love in a way that I never have been before and our polyamory works for both of us. We are both totally into our relationship with one another, we enjoy talking with each other about who we're dating --even as disaterously as that often goes in my case (excessive honesty is I think what they call the problem I have)-- and I appreciate that most people aren't into that, but we are.

You can't be both, you're not being true to yourself:
I've had people on both sides of the issue tell me that I can't be both. I've got to stick to one side or the other. What this says to me is that in any group, it's easy to pick out the idiots. I've gotten to know a lot of polyamorous people over the last couple years, and I really like most of them, and there are some that are total whackalicious freaks. I have found the same to be true of married people or single people or black people or left-handed people or whatever.

When I was 27 I made a decision to completely stop dating until I truly believed I found the right person for myself. A polyamorous person was not anything that I had really ever concieved of or would have wanted to imagine myself involved with. But that's who I met and fell in love with, and it doesn't just work for me a little bit, it TOTALLY works for me. My life has been kicking on all cylinders ever since.

People meet someone they like and change religions for them. To me, converting to Judaism or Catholicism for a person is a MUCH bigger deal than converting to polyamory, and yet people accept that. They acknowledge that that can work out sometimes. Hell, I've met people that have even become Republicans because they were so in love with somebody --talk about sick! But somehow, a "good" monogamist becoming polyamorous for someone is beyond the pale and just... just... not right.

So then...
I feel like I've watched a lot of friends slowly drift off and distance themselves. And they don't talk about it, so I never get to know precisely what's going on. But I feel like a lot of my married and monogamously involved friends don't want me around... because I'm going to turn their significant other Poly, or I'll want to have sex with them. A lot of people seem to think I've become a poly crusader because I put it in my books and such. I put a lot of great examples of happy monogamy in there too, but as soon as you first mention polyamory in a positive light you're suddenly "on their side" and "against our side".

I doubt I have the power to change anyone into anything they don't want to be changeed into. But before I knew anything about polyamory, I knew several people who were polyamorous and didn't know what to call it. My writing about my polyamorous experience is no different than a gay author wanting to talk about the gay experience or a Polish poet wanting to write about the Polish experience etc. I do think there are people who would definitely be helped by knowing that polyamory exists, and further, I think it would even help all the monogamous people because those polyamorous people would stop feeling pressure to form relationships with you that are of a nature where they're doomed to failure.

Your Closing Remarks:
So I guess I got the idea to write something like this when my latest Relations book, Smash Your TV, got mentioned on Polyamory Weekly and I wanted to post about it in my journal and then, for a brief moment I thought to myself, no all of my friends will think I'm pushing my polyamory on them again. And then I realized how sad that is. I'm not ashamed to be polyamorous and it isn't about to become anything I hide. I miss a lot of my old friends that don't really contact me so much anymore, but so it goes. I can always make new friends. And loves.

2006-01-14T23:28:00.000-05:00

It's called Gratitude

(this news item posted on January.14.2006)

This is my Gratitude journal entry.

Sue, mom, thanks!

My father who apparently gave me some crazy genetics that enable me to throw 45 tons of rubber in one day: 'Preciate it.

My 6th grade teacher Ms. T. Thanks for believing in me.

My High School English teacher Ms. Kittleson, Math teacher Mr. Drajem and Computer teacher Mr. Alderdice, thanks for the foundations.

My college Art professor Ms. Payne for teaching me how to look with intensity.

All my 716BBS peoples for their enthusiasm about AMProSoft stuff.

All of the friends who have added to my life. All of the loves of my life that have helped me discover myself.

My internet buddies from the BBMB and other such places.

All of my activist and Community Building friends that nourish and nurture me.

All of my UU friends that seek with me. Especially my Opus friends, and especially the ones with whom I've had ongoing contact beyond Opus.

My performance poetry and theatre folks.

All of my friends that helped with the new book with all of the enthusiasm and encouragement.

All of the people that have bought my new book and helped it get back to #1 on the CafePress Sci-Fi list.

HeatherK. Love you.

Sincerely, thank you. For reading my journal and taking and interest in my life.

I'm going to go take it to email now and thank some folks more privately. You should do the same. There's someone you could be sending a thank you email to right now.

be Love,
-Alex

My Mother

2006-01-08T04:44:00.000-05:00

My Mother

(this news item posted on January.08.2006)

Had she lived, my mom would have been 62 years old today. I'm still stunned when people mention their mothers and I realize that their mothers are still alive. I still feel envious when someone tells me a story about their parent(s) helping them out of a tough situation.

I really miss my mom. When I write a book, I feel very sad that I can't give it to her to read and hear what she thiks of it.

When I perform in front of a big audience and do something that a lot of people enjoy, it makes me really sad that my relationship with my mother was cut short back at the point where I was terrified of stages and microphones and cameras. I go on the radio and she's not at home listening.

I need help and I can't just run to her and have her fix it, or say something that wouldn't occur to me so that I can fix it myself.

My mother didn't get to go to Rosemary's 60th Birthday or even have a 60th birthday of her own.

My mother wanted to live long enough to see me have children.

Sometimes I feel like a motherless child.

(not every journal entry is happy and optimistic)

Love,
-Alex

I Acted With Manny Fried

2005-12-24T15:10:00.000-05:00

I Acted with Manny Fried

(this news item posted on October.15.2005)

Okay. Well, maybe not really so much. But sort of.

Manny Fried is an acting icon here in Buffalo. But he is so much more than that. He is a union activist for more than 6 decades, he's a playright and noted actor, an author, and so on. Most importantly, he is a person who has fought for us all, at enormous personal cost to himself. He has been hounded by the FBI, blacklisted as an actor during the McCarthy "red menace" scare era, and had his family, friends and neighbors harrassed by our government.

Subversive Theatre is a really awesome local theatre collective that performs mind blowing and thought provoking works of theatre. For this, they charge no money, they ask for donations. Now and again they have something called a "Left Lunch" where they gather people and hope for support, contributions of time, money, dkills, energy and what have you.

So I just attended said event and they held a staged reading of a historical drama called "Are You Now or Have You Ever Been..." where Many Fried reprised his role as Lionel Stander. And not all of their actors showed up so they needed a stand in. And, so...

I got to read one line in a staged reading with Manny Fried. Not many people can say they've had the opportunity to act with Many Fried, so I'm gonna say it a lot.

Peace & Love,
-Alex

Make any New Friends

2005-09-09T21:12:00.000-04:00

Make any new friends?

(this news item posted on September.09.2005)

Yeah, so this still isn't the Opus Photojournal entry yet. I'm still running frantically trying to catch up to my life. Soon.

Yesterday...

"Did you meet any new friends today?" asked my relatively new friend Alyssa in an IM yesterday. Prompted I'm sure by my last journal entry. I hadn't. I tried to explain about the law of averages. I tried to explain about how the day had been talking to my old friends (because, y'know, what kind of friend would I be if I wasn't interested in talking to you just because I already know ya?). I really don't think I made any new friends the day before yesterday either.

That was then...

Okay. So. Today started off working a new job. I immediately made a new coworker friend. Troy. And he told me all kinds of useful things about how to do my job. And stuff about what music is good to listen to. And then he told me a whole lot of stuff about his car that maybe I wasn't all that interested in. Point is, he's a cool guy. Glad to know him.

Okay, and then just now. Anna Walsh and I went to a place called CEM where a senior citizen poetry group was holding an open reading and I made SIXTEEN new elder friends!

That is FAN-FRICKIN-TASTIC!

And we shared poetry, and my new friend Nancy talked to me about compulsive cleaning and the loss of a parent and art and surrogate mothers from the community and how great Anna Walsh is and living in a place that becomes your family and everything.

Happy.

-Alex

Writing: Relations 2 - Chapter 4. 90%
Cool: Tossing around 90 lb tires.
Fastest truckload so far: N/A
Newest friend: Nancy
Priorities: Forms for new job, Resource book, Opus photo journal, catch up on snail mail, writing my favorite book ever.

Stat!

2005-09-03T19:35:00.000-04:00

Stat!

(this news item posted on September.03.2005)

Getting things back:
tuesday: driver's license - expired 9 months ago
wednesday: highs and lows - been wandering too long
thursday: employment - quit my job to go wandering, now I have a good shot at better one
friday: hot water - had been 5 months without hot water (whatever)
saturday: see below

Meeting New Friends
wednesday: Jaquelin - new hot chocolate friend
thursday: Marcia & two ladies who's names I don't recall - new food co-op friends
friday: David - new basketball friend; John & Jae: New friends at the Soap Making House
saturday: Lana & Jolene: see below

Unfortunate Computations:
Okay, so assuming:
I continue to make 2.25 friends per day
Buffalo's population (currently around 290,000) continues to decline about 2,000 per year
I have around 1200 friends here presently
It would take me about 102 years to make friends with everyone in Buffalo
No wonder I always feel like I don't have enough time and feel rushed.
Of course this is an unscientific computation, because, well, as people
came to be friends with me they would be less inclined to leave.
Not actually. There's been no real evidence of that. Quite the contrary.
But. IF I WERE ABLE TO FREEZE MYSELF FOR 140 YEARS THEN... THEN it would only take 10 years to get to know the 10,000 or so remaining people.
But then my 1200 current friends would probably all be dead.
Man, I'll just never get to be friends with everyone in Buffalo unless I REALLY step it up.

welcome to below:
So I'm going to try to let go of all the people I can't be friends with and focus on some of the people I do get to be friends with. It really seems like Buffalo has been making a conscious effort to provide me with the things that I had at Opus that made me happy. It can't always provide me with the exact same quality of Opus' version, but it's been at least trying to give me a little something in every category.

For a while I thought I was imagining this, but it's really true. One thing that I was really missing about Opus was the ability to have a Polyamorous Identity Group and get together with other Poly people and talk about Polyamory and get to feel like I had some friends that could relate to me. And so, totally from out of the blue, someone on a POly website sent me an online message and told me to check the WNYPoly yahoo group and so I did and they were having a meetup. And we met up today and now I have two new Poly friends. Here in Buffalo. That's AMAZING!

So there can be no denying for me anymore that Buffalo's trying to give me everything I need to survive here. Today was a really good day to be here.

and finally for some stuff about water
So I wasn't really going to go to Summer Services at the UU church of Buffalo this year. But I wanted Birdie to get to see one so we went last week and saw one and it was cool.

I talked to the lady from the Social Justice Committee at UUCBuff for a minute and she asked me to come to church the following week (tomorrow) and wear blue and read a fact about water. This will be in advance of the Water Communion the following week (which I'll have to miss because I hope to be hanging out with Drew at the STLD Con).

So anyway, I was not thinking much of this whole reading a fact about water thing. Didn't seem to really fit in the grand scheme of things at the time. Then last night I went to dinner at the Soap Making house as I'm inclined to do some Friday nights. And Peter was there, as he often is on some Friday nights. And we talked a little but nothing much.

And THEN I ran into him again today at the food co-op and he looked upset. And so I stopped him and had him talk to me and he was TOTALLY PISSED OFF because the food co-op is still selling assloads of Evil Poland Springs water from the vile Nestle Corporation and they are not offering any alternatives even after as many letters as he's written and as many times as they've promissed they'll look into alternatives.

SO NOW IT ALL MADE SENSE. This whole thing is about how I'm supposed to take some time tonight and put in some more research about Nestle and Poland Springs so that the facts I deliver tomorrow at the UUCofBuff will have some really important things to say about water. And I will bring a lot of petitions with me so that we can get signatures and present a stack of them to the food co-op so that we can finally get some action on having those evil ass Nestle fuckers all over our co-op which SUPPOSEDLY aspires to embrace products that promote a friendly coexistence with the other citizens of the world. Yeah. So I need to go do that now.

Poland Springs = Perrier = Deer Park = San Pelligrino = Nestle = Evil ass exploiters of poor women everywhere = getting their asses sued by the state of Michigan for lowering the water tables = Nestle Suxs

My Writing... Is Like a Party.

2005-09-02T05:01:00.000-04:00

My writing...is like a party.

(this news item posted on September.02.2005)

Bounceback Day:
Today (Thursday) was a bounceback day. Wednesday was not so hot; dreary and kinda sad. But today came roaring back.

I think that Jesse and I BOTH got really good jobs today. Yep, from 0 to 100% employment in one day for the Art Co-op. Time to start turning the ol place around.

Old friends, new friends, gold friends, blue friends:
It was nice to be back at the food co-op working some member hours. I'm running for the board again and I started my quiet campaign to any friends I ran into (and there were many). The food co-op is so cool. It's like "the Big Room" where you just go there and wait for your friends to show up, and are quite often surprised by which ones they are.

On Sunday there is a huge annual labor day activist gathering. And my friends Kevin and Emily are back in town for it and they breezed through the co-op today. Man, how I had missed them. And then I made at least two new friends working at the co-op today. People that I can't wait to talk to again.

Rawk!

Breakdance!:
At the co-op they play XM radio. Mildly pleasant. They were playing an 80s station. That song from the Breakin movie came on "Ain't no stoppin us... no one does it better" So I started breakdancing in the stock room. Maybe it's just the year that I was born, but I fail to see how people can refrain from breakdancing when this song comes on. To me it's automatic. I went out into the store to check to see if people were breakdancing. They weren't. I sang the song and did some breakdancing and nobody even looked my way. Like the Bee girl in the video except there was no field of bee people at the end. I need to get a copy of that song somehow.

Writing a really good book:
And the writing streak continues. In the last few years I wrote a book about my life. It's a great book and a book I still get excited about. But there's something about my novels, Relations, that's just even more exciting. If you read carefully and pay attention, these two books taken together, reveal much more about me than the book that I intentionally wrote to reveal everything about me. I am on book two of this two book series and today I tore into chapter four of this ten chapter book. I've written a bit less than half the chapter. It just keeps on taking me higher.

During my six months off from writing I wrote a very detailed outline for this book. I had imagined that I knew exactly how it was going to go.

WRONG!

I keep finding out more and more about the future every day, and the people in it are full of surprises. It's quite exciting. I can't seem to get my characters to sit still. They're all about to lose control and I think I like it.

Have you read the first book yet?
http://www.amprosoft.com/books/Relations

Touch Base

2005-08-18T08:51:00.000-04:00

Touch Base

(this news item posted on August.18.2005)

Back in Buffalo for a few moments. We'll be taking off again and heading to Boston in a few hours.

Last night I got to have Wednesday dinner at the housing co-op for the first time in a few weeks (missed it for the 2nd and 3rd time due to being away at Opus). Was fun to spend some kid time with Bakti (I missed there being kids at Opus this year a lot).

Walking around the Elmwood Village yesterday felt odd. Suddenly all the people of Opus were gone and all the people from before were back. The MAP community center burned up while I was away and now the whole community's figuring out what to do about it. It really sucks.

Slowly but surely we're getting the Art Activists of Buffalo Community Co-op up and running. We'll have hot water when we get back from Boston. I got used to hot showers in Pennsylvania & Iowa.

As of August I've started part 2 of Relations, my futurefiction novel. Chapter 1 is finished and is about as good as I could have hoped for. Hope to have chapter 2 done by the time I get back from Boston.

Not having to go to work has been nice this month. Still not totally sure what I'll be doing for income when I get back. Plenty of time to think about that.

Spending time with HeatherK, blissful as always. Seeing so many women that I adore and meeting more new ones at Opus was indescribably wonderful. Sad that next year is my last Opus.

Oh well. For now, life is good.

be Peace,
-Alex

ch-ch-ch-changes

2005-07-30T23:22:00.000-04:00

ch-ch-ch-changes

(this news item posted on July.30.2005)

In a little while I will put on the polyester suit one last time. Ride my bike 6 miles to work one last time. Work one last shift with my buddy Richard. And then I will be a security guard no more.

Feels very liberating. At the same time, I have no assurances that I have a job when I get back from Opus. Scary enough.

I thought Richard and I were working together last night but instead my friend/boss traded shifts with him and so we probably won't get as close to the end of my autobniography (which we're reading together) as I thought. We'll just do what we can I guess.

And then... on monday I get to head toward Opus. I get to see HeatherK for the first time in a bazillion years (my own fault, really) and the whole Opus family. I can't even imagine what kind of wonderful things are going to happen this year, but it's fun to try.

And here, on the home front... the most amazing things of all are happening. HeatherM (birdie) has come to visit and see about joining our Art Community. In the short time she's been here this house has changed so much. She has made this place --really the interactions between the humans (and kitties) in this place-- a thousand times better. We actually talk now. Do things together. She has brought us way out of her shell, not through any conscious action perhaps, but her presense has been very transforming.

Tomorrow may be the day where we bring the Art Activists of Buffalo Community Cooperative into existance... no longer just an idea... suddenly a location, entity, feeling, presense.

It is an exciting time to be alive here in this place. Here, there is limitless potential.

Art like your life depends on it.

be back in three weeks (or so)

be love,
-Alex

2005-07-24T18:19:00.000-04:00

Feeling Humans

(this news item posted on July.24.2005)

So last year I wrote an eBook called How to Care About Humans. And this year I wrote a novel and I'm about to write a second part to that novel so I've been fairly well immersed in the characters, plot and promotion of that novel.

A few months ago I got a new coworker named Richard and we have lots of fun reading my books together. We really had some great discussions while reading the novel so after we were finished I was looking for something else to read and we started reading Humans (which is my autobiography).

It has been a really, really enjoyable experience. I hadn't read the book in about a year and I had forgotten how I much of it goes. Richard likes to form really strong opinions on everything so he's the ultimate reading partner. I only have one last week of working there (and we only work together two days a week) so we're trying to cram as much reading in as we can and discussing a little bit less. We're through chapter 14 out of 19 so this week we'll see how much of the rest (the Heather chapters) we can get through.

He's very adamant about what a wonderful person Dawn is. And she is. But it's odd because they've never met face to face (that I know of) and he feels so strongly about it all.

We've read a lot about our boss who's also been my friend since high school. That's probably a unique perspective to get about your boss.

It's amusing the hushed tones with which we read about *gasp* porn/erotica.

As I'm rereading it, I become more fully aware of how much more Mikey and Jim are supposed to be in it. And Bryan. Seems like I've managed to underemphasize many of my major friendships.

Last night I read the portion that spoke of my mother's death. I had no idea how hard that was going to be. I don't read it often. It was just as hard to read as it was to write.

A lot has happened to me in my kookie little life span. I did a pretty good job of writing about it.

I'm impressed.

be Peace,
-Alex

Photojournal: Spearhead Show

2005-07-20T02:04:00.000-04:00

the radiant ms Christina

Spearhead

Michael Franti

Carl

big summer classic little baby

We were drawing on the sidewalk with a cool newlywed lady that stopped by

Until security stopped us. They were trying to explain to us how the people in the office building were going to be harmed by the chalk picture I was drawing on the sidewalk that would have said "Hug like there's NO Tomorrow!" if I'd have gotten to finnish it. So we went down a ways and I drew one more quick one.

Photos by Alex & Christina

The Gifts You Give

2005-07-16T22:30:00.000-04:00

The Gifts You Give...

I'm not sure what the athiest equivelent of blessed would be. I just seems like I give of myself as best I can and the world gives back.

My co-worker, Richard, gives me an eager, enthusiastic ear whenever I read my books to him. Right now we're half way through my autobiography. I told him I was leaving the job last night. He told me he was going to be depressed if I wasn't there. The all night reading/discussion sessions will be a memorable gift for us both.

My roommate, Jesse, gave me some money toward the rent. That gave me enough to get some food. Sweet.

My fellow Spearit, Kelly, from the Michael Franti and Spearhead website gave me two FREE tickets to go see Michael Franti and Spearhead!! UNREAL!

My homeboy, Jason, from the Mass Ave community center is giving me a ride to the show out there in Rochester in exchange for one of the tickets.

The kids at the basketball court behind the Mass Ave community center are giving me some good competition, in turn, giving me a strong healthy body and much joy.

The rotation of the Earth is giving me Opus again. Can't wait to feel Opus again. Can't wait to see Heather, and the other Heathers, and the other others. It's the most wonderful time of the year.

In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.

be Love,
-Alex

Premier Party

2005-07-10T22:39:00.000-04:00

First theing that went wrong with our book premier party for Invisible Fire is that the books didn't arrive on time and so we had no copies of the books to sell. :o(

Second thing that went wrong is that I've had almost no time to put into promoting our book premier party.

First thing that went right with our book premier party is that Anna spent all kinds of time these last weeks promoting our book premier party. She's so sincerely authentic! She made up hand written leaflets on Chinese paper and distributed them all over.

Second thing that went right was that Anna and I have made friends that love us and a bunch of them showed up for our reading.

Third thing that went right is that the poetry in our book is so awesome that giving a good reading with the poetry that's there is as easy as falling off a truck.

Which lead to the fourth thing, that we have a lot of pre-orders for when the book comes in on Wednesday.

Yay!

-be Peace,
-Alex

Almost Famous

2005-07-08T22:32:00.000-04:00

Yeah. So. I'm not a celebrity or anything. But I find it nice being "kind of" known.

I went on the radio last week to promote my new book that's coming out. And in order to make going on the radio easier, I always manage to convince myself that no one at all is listening. It always genuinely surprises me when someone says "I heard you on the radio." My initial internal reaction is always "But I thought no one was listening."

Then yesterday I went to go help Judy Einach collect petition signatures at the Thursday in the Square free-concert series that happens here in Buffalo. I wasn't doing a very good job of it and suddenly Maria Sebastian, a friend of mine from high school, was taking the stage and playing. I've seen her in concert a few times and she rocks so I stopped and went up front and watched. I went over to the merch table to get a copy of her CD single and while I was there, three adorable little girls ran up to me and asked if I was the guy that did that thing at Ralph Nader.

That was so cool. I am indeed the guy that did the thing at the Ralph Nader thing. And they told me that they thought it was really good. So that was my almost famous moment of the day, and that caught me completely off guard also.

be Peace,
-Alex

Pay me Later

2005-07-01T21:28:00.000-04:00

Kinda neat how life just pretty much works out for me. About an hour ago I was figuring out how I was going to turn $2 or $3 into some food. I have to work tonight so I needed to get at least a little bit to eat at work.

The food co-op is one of the nerve centers of the Art Activists community here in Buffalo. Often when I go there I will manage to sell a copy of my book, so since I needed some money for food I was cautiously hopeful that I might sell a book there tonight.

Even better though, I ran into my friend Helene who I'd given a book to on a Pay-me-Later basis. I've been so eager to have the book read that I've got a lot of books out there that way. And it just seems like those people run into me and pay me when I really need it most. It's kinda neat.

And the same thing is happening at a somewhat slower pace with loaned books for people to read. People are starting to return them and talk about how much they've enjoyed the book.

So I really appreciate my community that actually does pay me later and will read a book and give it back.

I'm gonna go eat now.

Book... boook... booook... GOOSE!

2005-06-16T19:10:00.000-04:00

Alright. So I've been enjoying some not-quite-so-stressful time. Been spending time with really good friends, including ones I haven't seen in quite a while. Been selling quite a few books (which is a good thing because I ordered a lot for my book reading and so I have a lot left over still). Been working on getting the websites I've designed back up to their potential.

Oh, yeah. And one other thing...

Been workin on A NEW BOOK!

Yeah. Still think of the current book as my new book, but actually Anna Walsh and I are very close to having a NEW new book. Called The Poetry of Anna Walsh and Alex Mead: Invisible Fire. I have been reading it a LOT as I've been working on it and I have to say I am just all kinds of proud of us. Our stuff is awesome.

It will be nice to have a less intimidating book to sell. People look at the thickness of my novel and think of how busy they are and shy away. Our little poetry book will be nice, thin, inviting, POWERFUL.

Can't wait!

be Peace,
-Alex

T'was a pretty good event...

2005-06-10T20:36:00.000-04:00

My first booksigning ever. Went pretty well. Had an old 716BBser show up, then a few activist friends, and some people I didn't really know and a few more activist friends and it was a good group. Too bad it was so hot yesterday. Overall, the event could'a been better, could'a been worse. Had some fun reading and talking about the book and talking a little bit about the next book.

However, I bought a lot of copies for this book event and I didn't happen to sell a lot of copies... so... Let's talk. What do I gotta do to get you to buy a book. Or just read the book? You need a discounted copy? They're all already signed and numbered, but I'll write a special inscription to whomever you like. And draw on it. Whatever you like. I'll call you on the phone and read it to you in person. You think I won't? You live in biking distance? I'll bring it to your house.

And seriously. For my Opus people. My UUYANs. What can I do to get more of you to get my book and to read my book? I'm grateful to the three of four OpusFolks that have bought my book, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't expecting a bit more than that. There's a whole OpusLike Chapter in the book.

How many other sci-fi books will you ever have a chance to read that have you in it? I promise you. If you read chapters 1 through 7, and then you get to chapter eight, chapter eight will be like pure joy. Easily worth the cost in terms of entertainment, information and enjoyment. The book's got a chalice as a focal point on the cover --for YOU.

Anyone who just wants to read it, I can give you a supercheap eBook version (online access), and if anyone wants to borrow a copy library style, lets just figure out the shipping. I have copies laying around that will take a while to sell through.

In all honesty I will be a very sad person if the first day of Opus rolls around and Hether is the only one who's read my book. Do you want me to be sad? Seriously.

Let me know how we can make it happen.

-Alex

Tomorrow Night...

2005-06-08T21:52:00.000-04:00

Okay, this is it. Tomorrow night is my first in-store book event. I've talked it up on the radio, I've put leaflets on cars, hung flyers on bulletin boards, Talking Leaves bookstore has put up notices all over the store and in the ArtVoice local indie weekly. So, all that's left is to show up and read tomorrow.

It's been a good week of selling the book. I had hit a slump and then all of a sudden I sold a couple at dinner co-op last week. Then the next day I went out to visit a book club on Grand Island and read my book to a really cool group of ladies (retired school teachers and nurses and such) and we had a really good time with the book. Then I had a few people hand me money that owed me money for the book (kind of like a pay me when you have it kind of deal and they happened to have it). Then I sold a copy at work. It's been a really nice week like that.

But best of all has been reading the book to my new coworker Richard. He's an older Italian guy and the book has been prompting these really amazing discussions. And we got to the part in the book with the Eric Davis speech and he was moved nearly to tears, and I hadn't even read it as passionately as I usually do, but he was really very affected by it.

Anyway, I love this book. I love reading it to people. Hopefully, tomorrow, I will get to read it to a lot of people.

Buy my Book

be Peace,
-Alex

All night source code sessions

2005-06-02T10:22:00.000-04:00

All night source code sessions

(this news item posted on June.02.2005)

Well, I was right. This week had no choice but to get better. This has been a pretty good week. Performing at MAP Open Mic was pretty fun. Community dinners have had really cool people to talk to this week. Work hasn't even been so bad lately. But the best news of all has been...

...Programming.

Well, what can I say? I'm a programmer. Or at least that what that college degree things says. I haven't had a really good programming week or constructed anything particularly compicated since... since... I guess the last one would be when I wrote the Shared Calendar Project software. And that wasn't quite as complex as what I've been writing.

For the last week (when I haven't been asleep from being really ill) I have been burried in source code and programming manuals. I've been furiously scrawling notes on papers and humming to myself while I've tackled complex logic problems. The end result is that I have finally engineered the software that will help many of the local non-profits and social justice organizations to update their own websites. The software that in some cases I promissed them one and two years ago. The software that I started writing as soon as I was done writing the shared calendar project and which has, in all honesty, been at the top of my priority list that whole time --Hey, can I help it if I'm kinda flighty and scattered and sometimes I have to drop everything and write a couple books or organize stuff or join roving bands of performance poets? I mean there are a bajillion things that we have to do to fight the power and I find that I usually have to do all of them.

But I digress. Or if I haven't digressed, I'm sure I meant to at some point. Okay, so I was talking about the fact that I'm finally finishing. I had promissed the directory of the WNY Peace Center that it was all but done (yet again) more than a month ago. And it was. And I got clobbered with sidetrackitis again. But finally I had some software ready to roll yesterday. So I got really excited. And called him. And he's out of town doing some peace stuff or something. D'oh! But PaxChristiWNY and a few others are having it rolled out to them this morning.

So, trust me, this is very exciting software. I can't show it to you or you'd be able to change everybody's websites. But the even better news is that so much of this code can be dropped directly into so many of the other programs I need to write. Like how about that upgrade of BBS software that I've been promissing on 716BBS.com for four years for example? So, yeah, lots of my websites are about to get a lot better. And I'm enjoying being a programmer again for a while.

be Peace,
-Alex

Wellness...

2005-05-27T17:49:00.000-04:00

(this news item posted on May.27.2005)

First things first:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRYAN!!!
My good friend Bryan (Drake) is more than 30 today *sniffle* they grow up so fast.

In other news... man do I feel crappy. I've spent 36 of the last 48 hours asleep. When I did try to get up and walk around I almost passed out. I worked all week long to get to my "weekend" (thursday and friday) and then I spent most of it asleep. And there were important things that I was hoping to get to on my days off. I wanted to get work done on the poetry book I'm working on with Anna Walsh. And I wanted to get a lot of work done on the software I'm writing to allow all of my clients to FINALLY be able to update their websites. (I did actually get a lot of work done on that in the last four hours despite my feeling so under the weather.)

Before this week I was really feeling like I was on a roll. All of my performances were going well and I was starting to catch up to things. That Malcolm X dance party thing last week went..well...bad, and I've taken a lot of time out this week to work on my house and my cats and...well...sleeping in near delierium.

So next week can't help but be better no?

be Peace
-Alex

Upcoming Appearances...

2005-05-16T17:22:00.000-04:00

and other difficult-to-spell words.

(this news item posted on May.16.2005)

So I had someone tell me that I was frustrating them by only posting about events that were over with. So, by popular (well not really "popular" per se, but let's pretend) demand, here are some upcomming events -- Before they happen even! If you're in Western New York, mark these in your day planner.:

On Friday May 20th, the Buffalo War Resisters' League will be celebrating the national shut down of recruiting stations for ethics training. Here in Buffalo there will be a celebration from 4 to 6pm and yours truly will be rappin and doing my thing.

On Saturday, May 21st, I will forego sleep entirely in order to make it to the Malcolm X dance part for Hip Hop week. There will be awesome DJ Mark Webb spinning tunes, there will be live recordings of Malcolm X playing all through the night, and you'll want to show up on time because I will be break dancing for the cause before heading off to work that night. See the calendar for more details (time & location)

And don't forget that early next month I have an in-store book event at Talking Leaves Main Street for Relations: McEmpire. That's on June 9th and should be a great time.

Okay. So I'm already really tired and now it's time for me to go to work. Such is life.

Youth for Youth

2005-05-13T17:10:00.000-04:00

(this news item posted on May.13.2005)

Last night I performed at the Youth for Youth benefit. The young kids at Nichols High School threw a fund raiser for the Mass Ave Project and the Compass House emergency youth shelter, and I did a bunch of rapping and some break dancing while my friend Kirk did some beatboxing.

Bout 150 people in the crowd. Lots of young kids. They really dig the rap music.

Full Gallery = http://www.amprosoft.com/Gallery/misc/May13

be Peace,
-Alex

Back In The Dayz

2005-05-11T17:05:00.000-04:00

(this news item posted on May.11.2005)

Hello again,

This'll be a very nostalgic entry. I've been doing a lot of things that have to do with archiving the past lately:

Back in the 1990s I used to burn the midnight oil calling BBSs. It was sort of like the internet before the internet (and it was a bit more local). There was a kind of primitive artistry back on the BBSs called ANSi art and I had written some software to help create ANSi art and it was pretty popular. Earlier today I placed a bunch of my old ANSi art in a gallery on my website. It's kind of fun to look at the old modem speeds and capabilities and such. Click here to check it out.

While I was at it I also added a gallery of Ray Tracing art and a gallery with some of my drawings.

And I've updated the AiV page on my website to include a lot more of my websites. There's plenty of fun stuff to poke around.

And then I also found a bunch of old posts and I used them to extend my journal on AMProSoft.com back a little further into the past.

So that there's plenty of nostalgia for now. I'm glad to finally have gotten to my weekend (Thursday and Friday are my days off from work), and hopefully I can get caught up on some of my work backlog on my days off from work.

be Peace,
-Alex

Can't Stop the Bumrush!

2005-05-05T16:53:00.000-04:00

(this news item posted on May.05.2005)

Finally: Out from behind them damn glasses

Took me about 6 months of saving up, but I finally got some new contact lenses. Really nice to be able to see people again. And things. Yeah. Havin fun looking at people and things now that I can see.

McEmpire eBook

My latest Novel is now available as an online book! Click the PayPal button that's half way down this page and join the paperless society. Read my book for just $9.00 online.

More Performing

I spoke too soon about being done with performing for a while. Check the Calendar if you're here in Western New York. I'll be doing some fun stuff in the days ahead.

Oh! And that reminds me... Talking Leaves Books on main street is going to be having an in-store event featuring ME on June 9th at 7pm. I feel so authorly now. Talking Leaves' Main Street location also has copies of the new version of the book. The latest edition of McEmpire has larger type so it won't give you eye strain. Each copy of the book in your local book store is signed and numbered (and if you wanna know a secret, Rust Belt Books has some copies with some REALLY low numbers, sure to be a collectors item some day since they were the first to start selling it).

Mass Ave

The Mass Ave Project open mic was all kinds of fun last night. We're still trying to find that balance. April had too many performers and not enough audience and I felt like I barely got a chance to perform. This month there was lots of audience and not many performers so I ended up performing too much. We're gonna get it together. First wednesdays' open mics at Mass Ave are not to be missed. Start making plans now for June.

And at the Mass Ave Co-op community dinner tonight I got a lot of basketball in. I feel like I am in really good shape. Running around is fun. Aside from all the poverty, and not getting to see Heather much, life is really good I must say.

be Peace,
-Alex

Run Judy! Run!

2005-05-02T16:45:00.000-04:00

(this news item posted on May.02.2005)

Let me start off by saying congratulations to my friend Judy Einach who is running for mayor here in Buffalo, New York. The media likes to minimize and marginalize her candidacy, but Channel 7 news and WKBW radio both included her name in their web polls last Friday, and --Surprise! Surprise!-- Judy won both polls. In honor of our exciting poll results, I've added a Judy4Mayor button here on the AMProSoft website.

Last Thursday, me and ice9 performed at something called Poets Against Discrimination. I was breathing a sigh of relief and thinking that I don't have any performances lined up for quite a while, but actually, looking at the AMPro calendar, I see that I have another performance coming up in a couple fridays. Not to mention that the MAP Open Mic is a couple days away.

A new version of my new novel Relations: McEmpire just came out. It's available online by clicking the link and it's available here locally at Talking Leaves books on Main Street. AND...speaking of which... I have an in store book reading event coming up at Talking Leaves on Main Street on June 9th, 2005. AND, I hope to have copies of my previous book, How to Care About Humans, available on paper for the first time at that event. (Thus far it's only been available as an online book.)

be Peace,
-Alex

Meeting Chuck D!

2005-04-28T16:27:00.000-04:00

Meeting Chuck D!

(this news item posted on April.28.2005)

It wasn't until I actually got to Buffalo State that I realized I had forgotten my camera. Damn! I left it on the recharging stand. I had rushed to get there just in case it was going to sell out or something. I was plenty early, it didn't sell out and I'd have had plenty of time to double check to make sure I wasn't forgetting anything if I'd have been thinking. Oh well. I forgot it, that's life. I got my ticket, I saw Baba Simba and so I went to go talk to him for a while and I ended up giving him a copy of Relations (that's my new novel).

Chuck D spoke for a long time. He's a marathoner. He spoke a lot about many of the things that are in his latest T-Dome. He said "I can talk all day," and it was obvious from watching the audience that we could listen all day. So that's what we did. Chuck ended up staying until late in the evening. And then he took questions (for quite a while). And then when he was done he just sat down on the front of the stage and started talking to people and taking pictures and such.

I guess I'm just echoing what I've heard from anyone I know who's ever met him, but he really is a fine example of humanity's potential. If I ever acheive any level of notariety, it is my hope that I comport myself in much the same way.

If I would have remembered my camera I would have had him hold a copy of my book and start a gallery of famous people holding my book or something (I got a picture of Nader holding my book when I opened for Patti Smith and Ralph Nader a couple weeks ago) but since I'd forgotten my camera I just stood around and connected with a lot of the people that I hadn't seen in a while. There were a whole lot of people there who had been influenced by the Public Enemy phenominon. (Quick shout and some linkage to DeepThinkaRecords who sat on the front row across the aisle from me). There were dozens of people who seemed like they really needed to talk to him. And while I wanted to talk to him if it seemed like there's be time at the end, I was content to defer to the people that seemed like they needed to talk to him. But then as the night was winding down Baba Simba was making everyone he knew pose with Chuck D for a picture. And so he instructed me to go stand next to Chuck D so he could take my pictures. Who am I to argue with the elders right? Baba says go stand next to Chuck D, you go stand next to Chuck D. So I introduced myself and told him about when I was a freshman at Buff State in 1988 and what P.E. had meant to us all. I told him that I was GreenEarthAl on the EnemyBoard and that I had been one of the first to wish him a happy fortieth some years back. I told him about my book and offered him a copy. He seemed interested in it and so I bookmarked the page that mentions Public Enemy (with a BrainRap.com flyer) and he told me that he would read it and that I should contact him to go on his Air America weekend radio show that's coming up this spring. So, um, yeah. I will definately do that if that opportunity is there. So, yeah, that was pretty memorable. And Simba has a picture of it somewhere.

In other news, I've had a really productive morning. I got BrainRap.com back online after months of absense from the web. I got a new edition of my book completed and up online ready to be ordered by folks. With the new, bigger type it's much easier to read. And now, I have about 4 hours to get ready and head on over to the Langston Hughes because I have to do some rapping of my own at "Poets Against Descrimination."

be Peace,
-Alex

Conquering Fear in a Year

2005-04-25T16:22:00.000-04:00

(this news item posted on April.25.2005)

Here in Buffalo, NY there are two really cool poets, Celia White and Joe Todaro, and they organize an event called Urban Epiphany. Urban Epiphany is a gathering of poets (of all different levels of experience) and gives them each two minutes to read. It is an awesome event and has a lot of really good energy.

One year ago I went to Urban Epiphany to see my friend Anna Walsh read (we have a book of poetry coming out soon, keep a look out for it). And it was a lot of fun to watch and I so wanted to go up and read. I wasn't signed up to read, but it was possible to go up to Celia and Joe and get an open reader slot. I spent a couple hours trying to work up the courage to talk to them about getting a slot and I wasn't able to do it. I had one poem of mine memorized well enough that I could recite it, but I was afraid I would freeze or forget the words. Any time I thought about approaching the sign up sheet my heart would start pounding in my chest. Eventually I had to run and do some activist stuff and I had not signed up or read.

Oh what a difference a year makes. I have bunches of things memorized because I perform quite often to pretty big audiences. This year I was really excited to see Anna read again, but also about half of the poets there were poets that I know and like and have enjoyed seeing in the past. And the performance poetry group that has recently welcomed me in, ice9, was there and we read as a block (somewhat coincidentally) and we really rule.

I performed "Ugly American" and "Be Peace" again not only because those are the ones I've needed to perform lately, but also because they seemed right for this audience. And the audience really liked it.

Also, my buddy Mikey didn't like it that you couldn't find the lyrics to the things I was performing in the galleries on the AMProSoft website here, so I have started adding some lyrics here and there. Here's Ugly American