gratitude + envy + concern
(this news item posted on February.10.2008)
I am so grateful every time I get an opportunity to participate in making great music. I can not understand why some people are not. Of late I have seen people make some really great music and be MAD after. What's the point in that? Just create some joy, everything else will work itself out.
I sometimes wonder if it's even possible for a person like me to even get into a relationship with complete and total honesty any more. I get all kinds of envious of people in my community who've had the opportunity to be in love with people that I wish I had the opportunity to be in love with. And then I tell myself "Oh sure, if I were willing to be a liar and dust off all of those weapons of manipulation, I could have those opportunities too." I feel better when I tell myself that. But in reality, I'm mostly just envious that many people have the ability to tell the people they're attracted to how they feel about them and I often do not.
For many, many years the house next door was occupied by various neighbors that screamed at their children and terrorized their little ones quite publicly. Now the house always has it's curtains drawn and there are occasional sounds of muted arguing and once in a great while you see timid children out in front of the house. I like to tell myself it's none of my business. That's easiest.