DeviantArt Diversion

During the month of February I took another unexpected turn. Deviant Art was one of the first websites I listed on WheretoGoOnline.com and in January I created a deviant art page

http://amprosoft.deviantart.com

And in February I started using it. And then I got sucked in. Deviant Art has the unfair advantage of being a place where I can look at absolutely gorgeous images all day and study a new (new to me) Social Network at the same time.

I produced a lot of art that I'm very happy with. I learned A TON about creating digital art and creating it faster. A lot of the art I created contains copyrighted characters from huge corporations so I won't be posting most of it here on AMProSoft, but do pop on over and browse it for a few when you get a moment [link]

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Digital Diversions

    In November I set everything aside to try to organize and complete all of my web design software so that it would be usable to my web clients and I would be able to work faster. It's always a lot harder than I think it will be trying to be a coder while being a full-time parent at the same time, but by the end of 2012 I had gotten pretty close. So close actually that I decided I wanted to try to come up with one piece of content for every day of the month in January 2013.

    I underestimated how difficult that would be also. My experience so far indicates that everything that you think you will be able to find time for is much harder to find time for when you're doing childcare at the same time all the time. But, so far I have not yet missed a day and there are only 5 days left to go in January. Looks like I might make my goal.

    There have been days like yesterday where all I've had time to produce was a touched up Computer Generated Image. But actually, that's a pretty interesting/cool image and I did spend a good bit of time modeling those old AMProSoft characters in order to now be able to just tell the computer to crank out some images of them.

    My biggest challenge with creating a content item each day --my biggest problem with anything really-- is I get side-tracked. I have so many diverse interests and there is so much available information about all of them out there on the internet that it's hard to maintain a focus. One day I was intending to make one 3D model in blender for my computer generated images gallery. The next thing you know I've discovered they have a new version of the software available, tons of new tutorials are out there for free on YouTube. A few late night/early morning hours later I'm finally past my old road block (an inability to put skeletons in my models and move them all around and pose them.) Next, I'm totally diverted into digital sculpting again.

    Oh well, I have had a lot of fun creating content this month. I've also managed to cobble together some more substantive efforts like YouTube videos of my own. This recent one of my daughter Aya is particularly good.

    The other big bonus of having gotten sucked back into digital sculpting a bit is that the very bleak, desolate looking "under construction" page for AMProLand may get to come down some day soon. I bought a domain name for AMProLand many, many years ago with the intention of resurrecting the old AMProVerse characters from the 90s. Well now that there are 3D models of the characters all of that is much more of a possibility. I don't want to get into to many "I'm gonna" plans because it'll all probably be a lot harder than I think it will be while juggling child-care, but I'm pretty impressed with the "What I already did" with what digital sculpting I've gotten through so far. Just as an "oh by the way" the featured image for this blog post over to the right is an old Pirate Ship from the old comic books. It looks a lot better in the 2013 beefed-up version.

    In February I will definitely be slowing way down with the content creation. But man-o-man has it felt nice to have AMProSoft.com be an active website again. Slowing down will hopefully allow me to fix a lot of the broken stuff and complete more of the incomplete stuff. But it's great to sit back and realize that AMProSoft's output for 2013 is already comparable to 2012 and January isn't even over yet. Taking a bit of time to get a little more organized last year and then taking some time to pick up new skills this year has already been an incredible tangible boost in my web abilities.

    So that's pretty much what I've been up to this month.

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Good or Bad at Capitalism

    I have a great many anti-capitalist friends. Several of whom will often say things like "Yeah, I admit that I hate capitalism because I suck at it." Taking a quick look around at the debt to income ratio of the average person in my circle of friends, a LOT of us suck at capitalism. Not me though. I was pretty good at it.

    About 15 years ago when I was willing to play the game of Capitalism I was a recent college graduate with one of those highly touted computer degrees. I was an entry level contract code monkey working on Y2K fixes at a time when entry level contract code monkeys working on Y2K fixes made a pretty decent buck. I had 401k and 2 retirement accounts, benefits and very modest habits and interests so I was able to save and invest even more. I was pretty brainy so I was reasonably good at investing and in the span of a few years I had amassed half of my first 100ks of net worth. It was easy to see how I could just keep doing what I was doing and keep being rewarded and make a game of how fast I could become a millionaire. 60? 55? 50 years old if I really went after it maybe.

    Even when I was fired and I decided to go into business for myself and look after my ailing mother rather than shop myself around I viewed it as a temporary hiatus. I figured after a few years I go back and get after it again with the movers and the shakers.

    And then George W. Bush happened.

    A lot of folks think that the W derailed our country and steered us down a frightening imperial path. I tend to believe that W just made it so obvious that we couldn't ignore it and more. Lots of folks like me who were just coasting along had to put on the emergency brake and get out and try to figure out what happened.

    I never really got back in the vehicle, figuratively or literally. For a while I thought maybe I could just amass a million dollars and use it to smash capitalism? Or, the ever popular, maybe there's an ethical path to obscene wealth? But in a very short time I just felt an unavoidable need to withhold my participation in the system while I started looking around for an alternate system.

    As to capitalism: who knows what its potential could be. It never really had a shot. Autocratic monarchical systems ruled the day and then some Capitalists appeared to throw them off one day and start something new. But the elites just poisoned capitalism in its sleep and put on its clothes and have been masquerading around as capitalism since well before I was born. All of the obvious alternatives to capitalism don't seem any less cooptable to me.

    As I see it. We live on a world where greed is revered and rewarded. As a consequence an ever increasing portion of the ever increasing population is ever greedier (among all socio-economic strata) and greed is the determining factor in so much of the decision making on planet Earth. Humanity needs to figure out, FAST, how we can make greed the reviled human characteristic that it once was, that people are inspired to turn away from it. How do we reempower the least greedy among us and disempower the culture of death and destruction before we are dead on a destroyed planet.

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of Gifts and Fighting

this journal entry posted on January.03.2013

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    Today would have been my mother's 69th birthday. When my mother passed away in 2001 it left me shattered in a way that took years to put myself back together. I literally spent a year in my house just figuring out what does life mean and how could life work in a world without my mother in it.

    In 2003 and 2004 I found myself writing a book. An autobiography. I made my best effort to gather up all of my feeling about growing up with my mother, the last few years of taking care of my mother, and the devastation of loosing my mother and throw them all into the writing and then not dwell on how difficult it is not to have my mother around any more. You know, start living with what you do have and can do instead of remaining stuck on what you don't and can't.

    I did well with that. Considering what the bond with my mother was like I would say I've done a job job of not allowing myself to be paralized by its absense. But now I have a child of my own. And every time I see other parents of young children just reach out to their own parents for help (or get help thrust upon them without even asking for it) I am forced back into that mentalspace, daydreaming about the infinite love my mom would have for my daughter and the limitless life lessons, the infinite patience, all of the qualities and gifts that my mother had to offer.

    Barely perceptable in my childhood were my mom's gifts for removing obstacles. I was able to develop and flourish believing that many obstacles must not exist. The last ten years have been an exercise in learning not to just stand and marvel at the enormity of the obstacles that can exist in this world and set about to work chipping away at or toppling them.

    I am extremely grateful that my daughter has two parents taking obstacles out of her way. A lot of qualities in my love person, Sophia, remind me of my mother. And of late I'm finding obstacles removed and stunned by not having had to remove them myself.

    As of January 1st I have vision care. I have hope, for the first time in a long time, of getting new glasses and lenses. If anyone ever closely examined the pair of glasses that I have been stitching back together and squeezing more life out of for the last couple years they might get some small sense of what the prospect of new glasses means in my life. On nearly no income I have twice saved up multiple hundreds of dollars and deployed them in the pursuit of new lenses only to end up with no lenses and no money. The idea of Sophia having access to things like family vision plans and health spending accounts seems like "fantasy things" rather than real world things.

    A few months from now I will even have health insurance. When the Health Insurance reform was a big news item, my natural reaction was "Oh great, another huge obstacle for me to have to fight." As a person with no income in a country that self-describes as FREE to anyone who will listen, the idea of mandatory purchases of any kind seems very counter-intuitive. So off I went trying to figure out what are the punishments going to be for not being able to afford to feed the health insurance corporations. And then suddenly there was Sophia telling me that all of us will just have health insurance.

    You don't like fighting but your in a fight whether you like it or not. You're tired from the fighting but you still have to defend yourself. Fighting is constant. As you finish a fight you must ALWAYS be ready for the next fight. You must always be ready to be fighting on multiple fronts at any given time. Suddenly, you look up and the fight just isn't there. And you get to stop and rest for a minute. I almost don't know what to do with myself.

    Health insurance, that's such a not real thing for everyone to be having all of this fuss over.

    When it's all said and done the best I can do with the days ahead is summon those gifts of ease that my mother so graciously gave to me and pass them on to my daughter and then let her know where they came from as I am able. She contines a long life of truly remarkable women and I tremble to imagine what she will be able to achieve with her gifts.

 -Alex

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Randomly Accessed Memory

Randomly Accessed Memory
this journal entry posted on December.13.2012

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    I was cooking eggs with my daughter the other night and I had a strong recollection of the scene in Kramer vs. Kramer where Dustin Hoffman is making "crunchy" french toast for his son, Billy.

    In 1979 I was 8 years old. My mom's best friend was talking about Kramer vs. Kramer and what an amazingly good movie it was and my mother was very interested in seeing it. I became interested in seeing it as well. But the adults informed me that it was an adult movie about adult things and assured me that children would not find it at all interesting.

    I think I recall having to do a lot of promising to behave no matter what my opinion of the film was and needing to do a bunch of all-around-convincing. There was no such rating as PG-13 back then there were G, PG and R (and beyond R). There were no movies on cable, there was no cable. Seeing a movie that was PG rated and not Star Wars or Grease was a bit of a right of passage back then.

    I can remember feeling very adult. Sitting in the theater with my mother watching an adult film about adult things. Being so relieved when I could understand the humor and comprehend the gritty drama. I can recall the feeling of privilege as I summarized the movie for my friends who had no chance in hell of being taken to see it (and probably not much interest either).

    Yeah, I remember all that.

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Grati2'd

this journal entry posted on November.25.2012

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    About seven years ago I wrote a gratitude journal entry. About four years ago I went missing from my blogging/journaling. This is the time of year when gratitude is supposed to come back into focus. So, let's combine tasks and have another gratitude post while filling in some of the blanks from the missing years.

    First let me step back a bit to the year 2007. In 2007 I joined the band called BloodThirsty Vegans and the first gig that we played out was an annual party called the Lizzard Ball which I've mentioned in many years past. The Lizzard Ball had evolved into an annual fund raiser for the local Green Party.

    In 2008 the local Green Party was unable to sustain enough volunteer energy to host the Lizzard Ball. In unrelated news 2008 was also the year that BloodThirsty Vegans switched all around and new band members joined in the summer of 2008. So time out just to say extreme gratitude to all of the BloodThirsty Vegans who have played music with me over the years.

    In 2009 there was, again, no Lizzard Ball. It was in serious danger of becoming a series of memories rather than an annual awesomeness. So the Peace Education fund asked the Green Party if we could take over the hosting duties and just like that we inherited an awesome annual shin-dig to begin in 2010.

    Around this time my number of relationships would fluctuate between one and zero, often stopping to spend long stretches on zero. My feelings about the state of the world and the overall direction of humanity were not especially positive. I was in serious need of putting some joy back into my life as soon as humanly possible. And so the capacity for joy was high atop my priorities list as I began to compile lists of compelling attributes in all of the people for whom I had attractions.

    One such person, for whom I had always felt a strong attraction but who had always been in a category called 'unavailable' was my Ice9 Performance Poetry sister Sophia. There can be no denying that she has a world-class capacity for joy and laughter. As fate would have it she sent me an email asking her to be in an Infringement Festival show with her so I responded with a counter offer of a date. As keen as we both were to go on said date, our busy schedules made picking a time nearly impossible. Finally we discovered an opportunity to be at the same place at the same time in the aforementioned Lizzard Ball--a fine, fine venue for a first date.

    As a BloodThirsty Vegan I had had the opportunity to be in the presence of truly great music. Our music is not to shabby and among the many bands we've shared stages with there has been a lot of exceptional talent. We have made friends with many bands and several of my favorites were on hand to play the Lizzard Ball that evening. Also my friends Jason and Kirk from the MAP open mic nights came back to host the evening. Surrounded by good friends and awesome music Sophia and I danced our way into each others lives. And the BloodThirsty Vegans were gracious enough to let me slip away without packing up so that Sophia and I could wander off and gaze into one another as we caught up on one another's lives.

    Sophia is a wonderful wonderfilled woman with an easy and intense laugh who moves with simultaneous grace and ferocity. Over the ensueing months as we prepared to perform together in her Infringement show, danced together to countless old music videos on youTube, shared stories and laughs into the morning light, we were falling fast in love and folding our lives into each other's. Eternal gratitude for our love.

    At age 39 the possibility of having a child some day was still at the very top of my list of unfulfilled desires. And it had not been lost on me that Sophia embodied all of the qualities I would hope for in a person to co-parent a child with me. But I was at the age where I was finally coming to the sobering, lamentable realization that I might never become a parent. It was around that time, some eight months on as the calendar had recently turned to page 2011, that we discovered that Sophia was with child. The child that is currently toddling around as my daughter Aya.

    Aya has Sophia's same capacity for joy. She has an intense curiousity about absolutely everything. She has compassion for cats and is a fun companion for daily adventures. She has patience and confidence that permit her to pick up talents easily despite her young age. Endless gratitude for our wonderful daughter.

    Sophia and I recieve a lot of compliments about all of her fine qualities. I feel like a lot of the credit is due to my mother. I see a lot of my mother and my grandparents in my daughter. I feel like I learned so, so incredibly much about how to be a loving parent from getting to spend three decades observing how my mother did it. She was forever setting me up to succeed and surrounding me with opportunities to learn about the important things in life. For her guidance and that of the other formative women in my life: Mrs. Huey, Kathy, Ms. Tartiglino, Heather K, and the list goes on, just infinite gratitude.

    I am so grateful to be standing here where I am.

-Alex

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Musicwatch 2012

this journal entry posted on November.10.2012

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So... shortly after the 2008 election I wrote a blog post with some songs and artists to watch out for and check out for inspiration. Since that time I have been immersed in music and I figured I'd post a quick update with some of my latest favorites. To any and all interested parties, for your listening pleasure, here are four artists that you might really like:

1. Dizraeli and the Small Gods - Hailing from Bristol in the U.K. this massive awesome band combines elements of Hip Hop, folk and the kitchen sink. The band is built around the charming storyteller/MC Dizraeli. They have an excellent turntablist in DJ Downlow. And in addition to the rhythm section elements you might expect from a hip hop centered band, they have many folky elements like viola, accoustic guitar and stand up bass. Definitely worth a good checking out.
http://dizraeli.com/

2. Solillaquists of Sound - (often shortened to Solilla) an American hip-hop quartet based in Orlando, Florida. Its line up currently consist of MCs Alexandrah and Swamburger, poet Tanya Combs and producer/composer Divinci. Solillaquists utilize elements of melody and harmony in their vocals. The two lead vocalists also frequently employ a style of delivering many punctuated syllables in rapid succession sometimes in tight synchronicity. Most of their song lyrics feature socially conscious content based on life-affirming, justice oriented views held by the group. They have attracted a dedicated following in underground Hip Hop for their sophisticated musical compositions as well as their unique vocal delivery and politically aware lyrics.
http://www.solilla.com/

(ps: yes I did lift that synopsis from Wikipedia, but that's totally okay because I wrote their wikipedia entry)

3. MC Xander - MC Xander is a London Cat. He is a one man wall of sound. With loop stations and effects rigs this fellow starts with the raw material of his own voice, he constructs an irresistable sound tapestry, and then as you are picking your jaw up off the floor he blasts you with amazing intelligent Dance Hall/Hip Hop vocals. Just check out this video, you'll see.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGWaKvllVVw

4. The Reminders - The reminders first came to my attention when they shot a video for their collaboration with another favorite of mine, Rebel Diaz. They then came back to my attention when they landed on tour with Brother Ali. Who is this husband and wife duo that keeps kicking out awesome music with all of these well respected emcees? I started digging through their music to find out. I'm glad I did. You should do the same.
http://theremindersmusic.com/

-Alex

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*bamf*

this journal entry posted on October.29.2012

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 As you might well imagine... a good deal has happened to me in the three years since I was last able to blog regularly. So the super quick synopsis is this.

 In April of 2010 my friend --and fellow Ice9er-- Sophia, embarked on a love adventure of epic proportions with me. A little more than a year and a half later I realized a life-long dream of mine when I became a father to our outrageously special daughter, Aya(pictured with me). They are the lights of my life and Aya is the greatest adventuring partner one could ever hope for.

 For the past year and change I have been a stay at home dad. My days are presently filled with learning and napping and various other 1-year-old type things. Trying to concentrate on coding and design work and creative endeavors in general has become very difficult, but lately I have begun to get a little bit of traction.

 Well, I hate to reappear and run but my daughter just woke up from her nap.

good to be back,
-Alex

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Franklin Lopez is in Buffalo this Friday

    One day, about five years ago, I was clicking around the web looking for
something and I found something else.  Without really trying to I found myself watching
the film, Join the Resistance: Fall in Love by Franklin Lopez.  It's probably not
work safe, but it was extremely inspiring.



http://www.spike.com/video-clips/ejem0u/join-the-resistance-fall-in-love



    So I subsribed to his YouTube channel and that led me to checking in on his
website fairly regularly.  Over the course of the next several years I found a lot of
my ideas being heavily influenced by the film clips that he was churning out. In 2009 I
recorded a CD and asked him if he would mind me using his voice on it. I asked my neighbor
Roxanne to record a vocal piece for it also.  And I also asked my friend Leslie
James Pickering, who's activism I have a deep and abiding respect for, to record a piece
for my CD as well.



  At the tail end of last year I read a post from Franklin Lopez that he was giving
up his appartment, buying a van, and touring around North America to promote his new movie
END:CIV which is based on the books ENDGAME I and II by Derrick Jensen. I suggested that
he should come through Buffalo and invited my neighbor Roxanne to help organize it and
my friend Leslie James Pickering to do a brief presentation. Roxanne has found the perfect
location for it at the Adam Mickiewicz Library, and a few weeks ago Franklin Lopez stopped
here in Buffalo and did an interview with Roxanne that turned out really great.



http://www.spiritmorphstudio.com/audio/frankLopez2W-DJ-20may2011-10.28.mp3



I highly, highly --and even more highly-- recommend folks stop by the Polish Library this
Friday to see Franklin Lopez present END:CIV in person.  And please help get the word
out between now and then.



we would love to see you there,

-Alex Mead



------------------

Event Flyer:

http://sharedcalendarproject.com/images/EndCivInBuffalo.jpg


facebook page:

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=214650448562754

[invite people!]


END:CIV website  

http://www.endciv.com/


Leslie James Pickering:

http://lesliejamespickering.com/

Polyamory

Polyamory
(Feb.14.2009)

So this storytelling painting here (unlike the last two) I'm pretty sure I know what it's supposed to be about. There's happy people in it, and they're touching each other. That's one of my favorite stories.

So this weekend has been a really interesting BloodThirsty Vegans week (that's the name of my band). The old school UU BloodThirsty Vegans met last night and started planning this year's church service (YES! I get to rap in church again!) which will take place March 22nd. And the current BloodThirsty Vegans are meeting tonight to rehearse for a bunch of shows coming up in March (including one on March 21st) so if any of my out of town friends would like to come visit that weekend I will find you a nice place to stay and make sure you are fed. If not, we'll try to get out of Buffalo this summer and come play shows around (maybe you can find us a nice place to stay and make sure we're fed.). The BloodThirsty Vegans also have back to back shows on March 6th and 7th (Dance Alive and a show at Merlin's Saturday Night). Come see us and dance with us and stuff. We have fun new songs (and fun old songs).

peace,
-Alex

Ex-Champion

Ex-Champion
(Feb.10.2009)

So here's another storytelling painting I did in January. Again, not really sure what the story is exactly, but I learned to use the flat brush to paint the background here which turned out nicer than the backgrounds I'd done before.

Yesterday I did my first ray tracing in about 4 years. Ray tracing is a way to create 3D photorealistic images that come out pretty good. You can get a free copy of the program I use here (PERSISTENCE OF VISION - RayTrace Engine). And now I've started creating Ray Traces and doing digital painting on top of them which looks reallyy super cool. So that might help me make better looking backgrounds than ever. I should really get a move on about putting a decent gallery up at AMProSoft.com. That's been on my to do list for a year now. *sigh*.

Peace,
-Alex

Barkeep's Daughter

Barkeep's Daughter
(Feb.05.2009)

Here's a painting I did a while back called Barkeep's Daughter. I have no idea what it's all about, but I know that I like it. I wanted to work on my story-telling abilities with paint. And I feel like there is definitely a story going on in this painting. Have no idea what it is though. If it's obvious to you what's going on here, please let me know.

So, after 3 years of killing myself for the man and working to make my boss and our customer as much money as I possibly could, I have been denied unemployment. New York State (in it's infinite wisdom) has decided to classify me as fully employed. Why? Because I run a website at AMProSoft.com and someone COULD conceivably buy one of my books at some point. Or a t-shirt. Nevermind the fact that no one (not even myself) has ever bought one of those AMProSoft t-shirts on the website and the last book I sold on the web was in 2006 or something, just the fact SOMBODY could THEORETICALLY buy something from my website... means that not only am I employed, not only am I full-time, but I'm all-time employed. Yep, I'm fully employed even when I'm asleep. 24 hours, 7 days a week, employed. Don't make any money, can't aford to live, but I'm apparently very, very employed every moment of the day.

If you're in or around Western New York tomorrow and you want to see me rap/perform, I'll be performing a lot at Dance Alive tomorrow. Here's the facebook event page http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/event.php?eid=49046561532. Really fun night of food, music & dancing. Dance to keep warm, dance your blues away, dance my blues away, dance because it's Friday, or...really, who even needs a reason? Let's DANCE!

Peace,
-Alex

Sports

Sports
(Feb.01.2009)

A guy stopped me on the street today and asked if I had a quarter to spare. I'm still super broke and deep in debt and all that, but I had a quarter to spare. But I had to fish it out. As I'm fishing it out he starts making a bit of small talk. He asks 'Who you votin' for tonight?' 'There are no elections tonight,' I replied with a fair amount of certainty. Elections are never held on Sundays in America. I'm fairly certain of that. He clarified 'No. I mean which city you rootin for? Pittsburgh or Arizona?' At first I had a sinking feeling that this was some reality Television show thing, and feared that one of the "cities" was going to be voted off the map or something. Then it gradually dawned on me that this must be the Super Bowl thing I've been hearing rumblings about a few times through the week. I asked him if he was talking about football and he looked at me kind of funny. At first I replied that I had no tv and really didn't care much about the outcome. But then I gave a quick mental review of the options and realized that he had listed Pittsburgh as one of the options. When I watched American football Pittsburgh was always my favorite team (after Buffalo). I really, really like the city of Pittsburgh. If I were ever forced to leave Buffalo it's probably the place I'd chose to go. So I changed my "vote" to Pittsburgh and gave the guy a quarter.

So even though I have only watched a few glimpses of football on the internet this year and really hadn't thought much about it for the last couple months, it must have made its way into my consciousness somehow since I painted this picture more than three weeks ago. This picture, "Sports", was painted mostly using the mouse and using a program called GIMP (click here to check it out). I usually use the last version of Paintshop Pro that was made by Jasc (before they got bought out) to do my paintings. But I am trying to slowly get used to using GIMP. Since it's what I plan to use in the future. GIMP is open source and you can try it for free and you can pay what you think it's worth. That's the only kind of software I can afford, broke as I am. And I really like the idea of pay what you can when you can and the idea of teams of people coding software for people to use simply because they love coding. So I will definitely be using GIMP more and more as I get used to it.

Lastly, just wanted to say that I had the high honor of performing with Gruvology last night and they are an AMAZING musical experience. Buy their CD, but definitely catch them live any chance you get. They are breathtaking.

(next time I'll post a painting that's not a close up of a face. I promise.)

Peace,
-Alex

Space Suit

Space Suit
(Jan.23.2009)

I was over to my neighbor's house (Radio Roxanne) and we were working on computer stuff, and she asked me if I had ever heard of a Wacom drawing tablet --it's a pad and pen that you can use as a pointing device (like a mouse but way different). I told her that I had one collecting dust at my house. My mother got it as a birthday gift for me at least ten years ago. I told her that I really couldn't make heads or tails of the thing.

So next she tells me that her friend Stephanie McMillan, creator of the comic strip "Minimum Security", had a similar experience (had a drawing tablet sitting around collecting dust) but had decided to give it another try and now found she could draw her comic strip much faster.

So I got home and decided to give it another go. I draw a few really aweful sketches with the thing and was just as frustrated as ever. Then I hunted around the internet for a bit and found a few tutorials and then things started to improve and a few attempts later I had come up with this picture here. Space Suit. Which I really like. One of my first "successes" with the thing. Best of all, it's like one last gift from my mother.

Yay team!
-Alex

Fatimah

Fatimah
(Jan.19.2009)

Hey, hey, hey.  Welcome back to my Blog.  Sorry it's been so long; life's been happening to me... a lot. 

So, anyhue, this is the digital diary where I write about my interests.  And I have a new interest. 

Painting.

There's something about "starving" and "artist" that just goes together.  A couple months ago I lost my job.  But my ex-boss told me to wait a month and see if we got called back to work.  So I waited a month.  Growing poorer by the day.  But while I waited, I explored a desire of mine that I've had for ages.  Ever since I was little I've felt like I could draw.  And back when I published a comic magazine for three years I felt like I could color on the computer fairly well.  But I always wished I could paint.  Like really paint.

I tried taking a painting course in college.  I had to withdraw so that I didn't flunk.  I've gone to the web forums at forums.sijun.com/ for almost 10 years and just lurked around and stared in awe at the things people there can paint.  But I've always felt rather hopeless when it comes to painting on my own.  Well, no longer.  This painting I've posted here, "Fatimah", is one of my latest.  Not bad for only being two months in on this new endeavor.  I'll post more on the specifics of how I got into painting next time.  For now I just wanted to show some work.

Peace & Love,
-Alex

Inspiration for You

Inspiration for You
by Alex Mead
(Nov.08.2008)


Can you feel the change? There are a lot of folks tossing around that word, change, lately. So much so that people are starting to believe in it. When lots of people actually believe they have to power to change things...they actually do.

Can you feel it? Feel the change comin? I wanted to put together a list of songs I've been listening to lately that deepen and intensify my belief.I recommend adding these folks as friends, visiting their pages often and listening to the songs that appeal to you as you need them.

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Baba Israel and Yako 440
http://www.myspace.com/babaisraelandyako440
"feel the change"
Beatbox superstars Baba Israel & Yako 440 from New York build positivity with this track. This is the perfect song to set it off with. Lays the choice that's before us out there quite concisely.


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My Rap Name is Alex
http://www.myspace.com/myrapnameisalex
"Peace & Love"
Before I get to far in I wanted to do a bit of what they call shameless self promotion. My song Peace & Love isn't even a real song. I got asked to play a benefit show to raise funds to help send people to the RNC protests in September and my friends in the band Ibis and I were just improvising around. I just quickly threw the lyrics from two different songs together and this is what came out. Peace & Love.

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the BloodThirsty Vegans
http://www.myspace.com/bloodthirstyvegans
"Be Peace"
And my musical Family the BloodThirsty Vegans and I still have this song up from the first show I ever did with them. Oldie but goodie.

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Michael Franti & Spearhead
http://www.myspace.com/spearheadvibrations
"Hey World (Don't Give Up)"
It always surprises me when people haven't heard of Michael Franti and Spearhead. They are so popular among my friends that I sometimes forget that they are still slightly obscure out in the general population. The majority of their music is very inspiring, you can pick most any song, but Hey World (Don't Give Up) is a good place to start if you've never heard of them.

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Kevin Wykoff (Slug's Revenge)
http://www.myspace.com/slugsrevenge
"Rubber Tramp Family"
Slug's Revenge is a bit different from most of the music on this list, but different people draw inspiration from different places. I, personally, find Kevin Wykoff's music to be very inspiring. I met him a couple times here in Buffalo and he really does play the guitar that fast. I traded him one of my books for his CD and Rubber Tramp Family is one of my favorite songs on the CD. Two minutes of earthy bliss.

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The Human Revolution
http://www.myspace.com/humanandtheotherhumans
"Public Servant"
I met human and his friends when they were traveling through the area in their biodiesel car. I got to play the Countries Game with him and I have to say the guy truly knows a lot about world geography. Knows a lot about a lot of things. It's quite evident in his lyrics. Public Servant seems like the kind of song that could really shift people's perspective since a lot of people aren't used to thinking in these terms.

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Mystic
http://www.myspace.com/thatgirlmystic
"Beautiful Resistance"
Usually any song with the words "you belong to me" in it over and over again would go in one of my ears and out the other. But when it is talk of how we all belong to each other it's somehow beautiful and perfect. Every once in a while you run across a song where every word seems to be in just the right spot and like the lyrics are a sculpted work of art. This is just such a song. Almost every line in this track could stand alone as a beautiful and thought provoking quotation.

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Ozomatli
http://www.myspace.com/ozomatli
"Can't Stop"
Ozomatli is another really popular band in certain circles and they keep right on keepin on and doing their thing. They are well worth checking out. 'We've got faith in what love can do. Don't look back we gonna make it through, got to keep movin.' Can't argue with that. They have a LOT of their music posted up on their page, so after you listen to Can't Stop you might wanna do some digging. I recommend flipping down to their Street Signs CD and listening to the 1st track "Believe". It's definitely inspiring.

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Luminaries
http://www.myspace.com/luminariesmusic
"Peace"
The luminaries seem poised on the edge ready to break through and spread light into the dark corners of the Earth. They have a big band that makes a big sound and lots of great voices bringing a unified message of peace.

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Slo Mo
http://www.myspace.com/heyslomo
"Shine As You Are"
And last but far from least is Slo Mo featuring Mic Wrecka. "Shine as You Are" is one of my favorite songs of all time. They have a transcendant sound. And I find myself flipping over to this page and clicking on this song to draw inspiration all the time.

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Peace & Love,
-Alex (My Rap Name is Alex)

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Public Domain, feel free to circulate this list and lists like it. Add, edit and modify it as desired.

Water + Rates + Cameras

Water + Rates + Cameras

(this news item posted on April.25.2008)

Dirty Water

If you would have told me in 1978 that in 30 years the tap water was going to become "too dirty to drink" and that everyone would eagerly fork over a dollar for a bottle of water, I would never have believed you.

Annual Percentage Rates

If you would have told me in 1998 that some day I would be paying more than 29% APR on credit cards, I would never have believed you. Back then my mother was helping me establish good credit and explaining to me about credit cards, and how you NEVER EVER want to get in trouble on your credit cards because the credit card companies will gouge you for 15% interest per year. She made that sound like a very awful thing, so I wanted to never have that happen, but at least that was as bad as it could possibly get. She explained that that was the most they were allowed to charge by law, and besides they wouldn't be able to get anyone to pay any higher APRs than that anyway. My mother was very, very smart. Genius. But I guess she underestimated what they'd be able to accomplish in 20 years.

Police Cameras

If you'd have told me in 1998 that in 10 years we would all start to have police spy cameras going up in our cities I would have looked at you skeptically, but if you'd have told me that our general attitude toward this reduction of privacy would be "Well, hey man, we need those cameras to make sure we behave." I would have thought you were on crack. Did I get to vote on this? I'm pretty sure I would have voted that I don't need a police spy camera to make sure that I behave.

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and PS: if anyone would have told me in 2004 that Brian Higgins was going to help them charge me crazy APRs and help constrict bankruptcy and help make my credit records available to all these creditors I would have never voted for him. Not even on the Working Families Party line.

movement + functionality + comparison

movement + functionality + comparison

(this news item posted on March.29.2008)

3 things that I often say, the meanings of which might not be readily obvious:

"Movement is a gift. Don't give it all away."

"It ain't broke, but it's vitally important that we fix it"

"Compare yourself... to yourself"

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Movement

Movement is a gift. It's one of my favorite gifts. I am so grateful for all of my movable body parts and all of the useful and interesting ways they can move. To show my gratitude, I actually move them.

They LOVE that!

My mother was an enemy of movement --of sorts. For all of her other wonderful attributes, she did not like to sweat, move, exert... She was always giving her gift of movement away to others: to me. I don't know that she even recognized it as a gift. A lot of people don't. People are so shocked that I accept the gift of being able to ride my bike 5 miles to work every day, of eagerly receive the gift of helping them move heavy things around their house. What can I say? It's what's been working for me.

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functionality

From time to time I hear people expressing consternation: "why isn't it 'working'". The it, of course, being the great American experiment. The question takes many forms; "How come America is the only country that can't figure out how to provide health care for people?"; "How come so many kids are graduating from college with so much debt and can't find any good paying jobs?" I even heard someone ask recently "How come the war didn't stimulate the economy like war usually does?" So many people are out there scratching their heads trying to figure out how it all became so dysfunctional? "Why isn't it all 'working'" I got news for you, folks. It ain't broke, but it is vitally important that we fix it.

Yeah, you heard right, it ain't broke. The system is not broken. At all. The system is doing exactly what it was designed to do, and it's doing it better than it ever has before in all of recorded human history. The system is designed, engineered and driven by elites (rich people), and the functionality that those elites want out of the system is "make the rich even richer". And man are they ever having a lot of luck with that.

At no time in human history have the masses of humanity been so willing to allow for such wealth concentration as we have now without having a revolution. How is it working so well for them now?

First, there's a lot of geographic separation. A lot of the desperately poor people are in the southern hemisphere way to far away from the wealthy elites to carry out an effective revolution against wealthy elites, and where possible, they are educated with money from those same wealthy elites about how those wealthy elites really are pretty nice people if you get to know them.

Second, the poorest among the people who do live close to the wealthy elites and the people who would have been inclined to revolt in the past, are now stupefied and nullified by debt (which is worse than poverty). The revolutionary who was revolting against the French Aristocracy in the 1700s has contemporaries that today are fully engaged with how to pay off the hospital bill from the emergency surgery last year. The college student that was out in the streets railing against war in the 1970s is now fully engaged in trying to work their 3 part time jobs to even make a dent in their college loans.

So, yes, the system is working perfectly. The rich are richer than they've ever been. The people who own and control and create our system could not be more pleased with the results they're getting. Their war against Iraq did stimulate the economy a lot by the way. Only now they've figured out how to not share it with the working poor and John Q. Public or even the soldiers fighting the war. The money from the war went directly to the pockets of executives and defense contractors and politicians, consultants and engineering firms that are down with the program. The program, again, is making the rich even richer. It working. It's not broken, it's completely functional.

But it is vitally impoartant that we fix it. Replace it. Push it off the table and let it smash against the floor. And build in its place a system that will educate without enslaving, heal the sick without incapacitating them, and study war no more. I'm just so ready to stop wasting humanity's potential.

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comparison

Compare yourself... to yourself. Or don't. I mean, if there's a talent, skill or ability that you want to make sure you NEVER develop, the best way to go about it is to make some first attempt (try it a little bit) and then compare your results to somebody that is already really super good at it. Next, tell yourself "I'll never be as good as them." Now you can simply give up, and never try again and you won't ever have to worry about developing that talent, skill or ability that you don't ever want to have. You'll be safe from those pesky abilities forever. Nobody can ask you to use a skill you don't have eh?

If, on the other hand, you're like me and you enjoy having skills and abilities, you might want to try comparing yourself to yourself. Start out small, set yourself some goals that you can easily accomplish so that you can have some easy early victories. Be quick to forgive yourself for your attempts that don't turn out quite right. That's just a part of life. Record your results if possible, and stick with it for a while, and then go back and compare your abilities to your abilities when you were starting off. The more skills and abilities you acquire the easier it will be to develop more abilities that build off of those abilities. I'm not a big believer in "Talent is something you're born with or you're not." All of the talents people accuse me of having were developed over time and with the assistance of other talents that I developed earlier through working to acquire them.

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be Peace,
-Alex

gratitude + envy + concern

gratitude + envy + concern

(this news item posted on February.10.2008)

gratitude:

I am so grateful every time I get an opportunity to participate in making great music. I can not understand why some people are not. Of late I have seen people make some really great music and be MAD after. What's the point in that? Just create some joy, everything else will work itself out.

envy:

I sometimes wonder if it's even possible for a person like me to even get into a relationship with complete and total honesty any more. I get all kinds of envious of people in my community who've had the opportunity to be in love with people that I wish I had the opportunity to be in love with. And then I tell myself "Oh sure, if I were willing to be a liar and dust off all of those weapons of manipulation, I could have those opportunities too." I feel better when I tell myself that. But in reality, I'm mostly just envious that many people have the ability to tell the people they're attracted to how they feel about them and I often do not.

concern:

For many, many years the house next door was occupied by various neighbors that screamed at their children and terrorized their little ones quite publicly. Now the house always has it's curtains drawn and there are occasional sounds of muted arguing and once in a great while you see timid children out in front of the house. I like to tell myself it's none of my business. That's easiest.

500 + 56 + 30

500 + 56 + 30
(this news item posted on February.03.2008)

So maybe you noticed, maybe you didn't, but I had a numbers theme going through my journal for a while. One of the first posts I intended to make, in fact, one of the ideas that gave me the idea for numbered journal entries was going to be an entry called 500.

500 - 500 was going to be an entry about having 500 friends. On myspace. I had 498 at the time and I was just going to wait a couple days assuming I'd get a couple more friends and then write about who those friends are. Basically: a quarter of them are --or were at one time-- actual local friends that I see from time to time; 13% are people that I know and have met and hung out with in real life but live far away (mostly UU friends), and another 13% are causes that added me or I added because that seemed like the thing to do; A good 11% are bands, mostly ones that I really like, that I like to keep up with their CD releases and touring schedule and stuff; About 8% are books, other authors, book reviewers or bookstores; 5% are local businesses or activist groups that I want to keep in touch with; 4% are people I do not know --people who added me out of the blue that seemed like really awesome people or friends of friends or people I have no clue about but haven't taken the time to delete; and another 4% are local bands and musicians; 3% are pages of famous people that I really like and/or extremely well done fan sites for famous people I really like; and then the remaining handful are pages for movies (mostly documentaries) that I added for some reason or another.

So I still dunno if I'll ever quite reach 500. The 490s seems to be my limit, and looking through the thing just reminds me that I need to remove a few.

Whatevs.

56 - I was, one upon a time, going to write an update post about all of the numbers at work. Featuring the pallet jack I once wrote about, 56. For anyone who might care, that pallet jack is doing just fine. I stopped using it for a while because the slightly better pallet jack that my boss always used to use back then became available to me. But now that one's in the shop and I've been reacquainted with my old buddy. For a machine it has many great sounds and sensations that are unique to it: almost gives it a personality.

30 - And in new news, my friend Jon and I are starting up a website for UUs over age 30. Trying to figure out how to unlock the potential in that age group and give back some of what was given to us when we were in the Young Adult category, and how to infuse UUism in general with all of the wonderfully life-afirming things that Young Adults seem to get and some older UUs out in the congregations may not completely grok.

Should be a fun ride. More details to follow on that I'm sure.


So that's that then.

-Alex