$16,802.38

$16,802.38

(this news item posted on December.31.2007)

This is something I tend to do once a year, usually at the end of the year. I've put it in two books so far, How to Care About Humans and the upcoming The Problem With Earthlings, so I guess I consider it pretty important. Ok. Here goes.

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Automotive:
Gas - I do about 60 miles a week on my bike, so I'd probably do 80 per week if I had a car. 80 x 52 x (3.25 I think that's what gas cost this year / 20 miles per gallon (I think that's realistic)) = $767.00
Maintenance - (thank goodness the imaginary car only broke down twice this year) = $860.00
Insurance - (just a guess) = $1,100.00
Car Note - (just six years left to go) = $2,760

Total savings from not having a car = $5,487.00

----
Habit forming substances:
Alcohol - Avg $15 per week going out + $14.50 case of beer twice a month + $6.00 bottle of wine 5 times annually + $15.00 bottle once a year = $1,173.00

Drugs - (Let's say I would keep it to a $300 / year pot habit) = $300.00

Cigarettes - $5.80 per pack x .9 packs per day * 365 days = $1,905.30

Coffee - $1.50 x 5 per week x 52 weeks = $390.00

meat - (might as well(just a guess)) = $450.00 (not including fast food listed separately below)

Total savings from skipping all that = $4,218.3

plus the extra health care costs from that one trip to the hospital from that crazy night with the blood alcohol poisoning set me back a $200 deductible (fortunately my employer ate the $640 in higher insurance premiums since it hypothetically happened last may). = $4,418.3

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Atire costs:
Wardrobe - I spent about $100.00 total on my wardrobe this year = $780.00 (under what I am guessing used to be spent on clothes for me)

Shoes - About $32.50 on shoes this year = $235.00 (savings)

All those crazy chemical smells people put on themselves after showering = $92.00

Total of $1,107.00 saved.

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Other costs
No cable television - (guessing) = $360.00

No fast food restaurants - (guessing) = $639.60

No department stores (cheap plastic crap) - (guessing) = $1,430.00

Total of $2,429.60 saved

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And, since all of that money would be debt for me, and I would be debt servicing with about 25% APR in interest you can pile on another $3,360.48

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For a grand total of $16,802.38 that I did not give to evil corporations in 2007 which I do fully believe they would have used to hurt my fellow human beings of the planet Earth.

Much of this stuff I'm just guessing about since I'm not really up on what it costs, but I'm glad to not spend it whatever it really costs.

Thus ends another year in my own personal struggle against consumerism.

be Well,
-Alex

three

three

(this news item posted on December.23.2007)

Three is the number of items of street treasure I've found this fall. Street treasure being things that I ride past on my bicycle and stop to pick up.

#1 was a hat. Very much like the hats I keep losing and finding: Simple black tuque. I rode past it 3 times on my way back and forth to work. By the fourth time I figured nobody was coming back for it so I picked it up. After a couple washings it is now my favorite hat to wear --just as its predecessors were before I lost them.

#2 was a scarf. I already have the greatest scarf in the world (that Heather made for me), but after riding past a black bundle of ice covered cloth a few times curiosity got the better of me. I brought it home and offered it to Heather after a few washings, now we each have a really good scarf.

#3 was a dollar. I didn't really ride past this and wait to see if it would be reclaimed by it's owner --figuring it would more likely blow away or be claimed by the next person who walked past it. I find change all the time. But a whole dollar was kind of new. It was like the first crap out of the vending machine at work that day was free.

But it was easy come/easy go however as I lost 2 dollars a few nights later when a lady stopped me on my way to work at 3am and told me how desperately she needed gas for her truck to get all the way back home to south Buffalo. I gave her a couple of dollars and she then reminded me that a couple dollars doesn't buy very much gas. So then I stopped talking to her and continued on my way. I'm pretty sure I'm not responsible for her having enough gas in her vehicle. Me and gasoline have little to do with each other.

Anyway, finding stuff on the street is fun. I don't think I've had to buy any winter gloves or scarves in the last couple years. (I bought a couple hats last year when I was walking past a sale on hats for $1.50 each.)

3

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photo by Jerome Lindberg

one hundred forty-two

One hundred forty-two

(this news item posted on December.08.2007)

One hundred forty two is NOT the number of birthday greetings I got through the net, but I did get a LOT. Thanks. I will try to get back to everyone over the weekend as best I'm able.

One forty two IS the number of days that passed between my June 12th blog/journal entry The Garden and my Nov 2nd entry five. A pretty long unexplained absence. That was a period I like to call the dark ages, and I haven't really talked about it much.

For anyone who had been following along before I stopped journaling, we had expanded our co-op house and assembled a super group of cool people two of whom were my super awesome girlfriends that I was very much blissed out over, and we had had a great house meeting where we all appreciated each other and drew up a road map for how we were going to communicate, communicate, communicate and shower one another with loving attention and reap the benefits of our combined efforts...

Shortly thereafter we slammed the car into reverse and did the exact opposite of everything we said we were going to do. We sped backwards at top speed without looking over our shoulders or even bracing ourselves for the inevitable crash. When we finally did crash in a mangled pile of distrust, guilt, animosity and anger we found all of our relationships hacked off down to the ground. I went from two awesome girlfriends down to zero at one point, and had an armed man come into my house and tell me that I had to live with a human individual that I felt had just manipulated and bullied me in my own home, and then this armed individual representing our fine city and government even attempted to dictate to me how I was supposed to feel and act toward her. Apparently if you give a person a gun they eventually come to feel like they can dispense orders about how you should FEEL.

For the most part I lived at my job during the month of August. I just slept there and worked constantly and waited for my house to be vacated. Heather moved in with a friend and we barely saw one another. I became, for the first time in recent memory, a mean and sour person and became completely indifferent about the welfare of a person that had in the past seen me through some dark times.

In September Heather and I got to start slowly putting our lives back together and growing our relationship back from the roots. I am very grateful to have her as a part of my life, as I don't know how I'd deal with all of the things in life that wallop you from out of nowhere without her. But it basically took us until the end of October to really be able to breathe again, so that was the long hiatus.

I still have dreams of living in a diverse community of individuals with diverse gifts and diverse personalities, but that'll have to wait a while.

---

In other news, the BloodThirstyVegans really rocked out at DanceAlive last night and got very loose and free and made many beautiful sounds and I danced with a desperate joy.

And I've been having a lot of fun putting 716BBS.com back together again. It's a nice design/coding distraction and I'm learning a lot from it at the same time I'm reestablishing contact with people I've been poor to awful at keeping in touch with.

be well,
-Alex

two

two

(this news item posted on November.13.2007)

two is the number of head on collisions (bike to bike) I've been in over the last few years. The most recent one was today. The less recent one was... not sure... a few years ago or thereabouts.

Both head on bike collisions followed the same basic pattern. Sudden obstacle, little time to react, just enough reaction to avoid serious injury. Each rider checking to see if the other rider's okay. Then each rider checking to see if each other's bikes are okay. Then you smile. And then you ride off. The emotional diagram of the event goes something like: shock, fear, concern, relief, amusement.

Okay. Topic change. But it's all related, you'll have to trust me.

In Derrick Jensen's latest book, endgame: vol II, he credits Ward Churchill with having told him that the GNP (Gross National Product) is just a scorecard of how fast the nation converts life into death. Living trees into dead paper, living animals into fast food commodities, living plants into textiles and the like. Personally, I had never really thought about the GNP very much before, but I see where they're going with that. I think it's more than that though. I think that's one major component of it, and another major component is changing the earth's chemical equation (converting inorganic things into products (which also has catastrophic consequences (consequences, like turning the living into the dead I suppose (but that's a little too indirect for me)))). Anyway, the powers that are go around converting all kinds of non living things into products: water, rocks, gases, whatever else. Things like carbon and coal and oil and radioactive elements that are supposed to be buried under the ground are now out and just hanging around with us on the surface, changing our atmosphere, making us sick, doing whatever all else.

In book I'm presently writing, the Problem With Earthlings, I talk a lot about the battle I've been waging against the GDP (Gross Domestic Product) for most of my adult life.

When I was little there was a framed quotation on our wall that said "Live Simply, So that others may simply live". I figured it was just there, like all of the other things on the wall that meant little. Something to walk past. But it was seeping into my brain a little bit every day. Live simply.

These days I take my anti-consumerism to a ridiculous extreme according to many of my friends. According to me I'm just living my life. I am pretty zealotous about it though. Around this time every year I sit down and calculate how much money I did not give to Altria corporation by not smoking? And how much money I did not give to McDonald's by never ever going to McDonald's? How much money is Anheuser Busch lacking due to my not drinking? And it goes on and on and on.

For the last eight (almost nine) years now I have had another calculation to make. The car savings. How much money am I not giving to auto manufacturers? How much interest on the loan? How much money am I not giving to GEICO in auto insurance (a total legalized racket)? How much in gas to these HUGE petrol corporations? How much evil would they have done with my money had I given it to them? They're good at multiplication of evil, I know they are.

And then a day like today happens. Head on collision on a bike. Maybe I would drive more carefully than I bike. Actually I'm sure I would since I do drive once in a while. But a head on collision in a car does NOT end with amusement. Not at all. Quite the opposite.

The bike accident I got into a few years ago was at the apex of a bridge. The other rider and I actually did exchange names. We didn't have to. But I felt it only fitting since we'd bumped into each other. His bike had been undamaged. Mine was nearly undamaged. My insurance is still zero. Had I chosen to get my bike repaired the bill would have been under twenty dollars.

Living simply does allow other's an opportunity to simply live. But more than that... living simply makes life really, really simple sometimes.

Gratitude.

be Peace,
-Alex

thirteen

thirteen

(this news item posted on November.10.2007)

thirteen is the number of trucks I did at work this week. I was going to try to set the record... but that was not to be. I think my record is fifteen. Probably. Though I don't think I was keeping track back during the forced 12 hour workdays that paid well for suffering hard.

This week with the thirteen trucks was hard too now that I think about it. Trucks have gotten more difficult than they used to be now that the company has decided to put the maximum amount of weight possible on them.

Not an especially big deal to me --the added weight. I go to work to exercise anyway. Little more weight = little more fun as far as I'm concerned. But there are no more easy trucks to dole out to the newer workers when they need an easy day. And there is much less variation than there used to be. The surprise easy trucks are few and far between these days. Now it's just heavy truck, over and over again.

New people have not been lasting long on the job. It's been a revolving door lately. And when the latest wave of new people quit I figured I would just pick up the slack with a few of the people that have worked there for a while who maybe could use the extra work.

So then at the start of the week a freind who I work with had a serious illness in the family. I should have tried to call in some reserves, but I figured I'd just stay later and make up the trucks myself and make more money.

I wasn't thinking thirteen or anything over ten even. But that first day I ended up staying all day and throwing four and that was a lot. It had been a while since I'd thrown like that. But I paid for it. The next day I was sick. I had become disused to spending all day long in a series of trucks. I don't think my immune system cared for it. On Tuesday I had a sore throat, stuffy nose and the like. Riding my bike to work was tough let alone throwing trucks once I got there. Nevertheless, three more trucks. Wednesday was much the same. Stuffed up nose and difficulty staying focussed, but there was nobody else to call on to throw trucks so I threw three more.

Thursday was like a whole new world. I discovered the amazing powers of oxygen. I had not been able to breathe for two days. But suddenly my congestion had broken and I could breathe. Plus, it was the day after payday so I had eaten. Plus, I overslept so I had actually slept. But since I had overslept, I rode my bike to work as fast as I could and that just pumped me full of oxygen. By the time I got to work I felt almost high on air. I felt like I was thinking twice as fast as I should be, and I probably was thinking twice as fast as I had been in the past two days. I was running around doing five things at once and loading motorcycle tires at fantastical speeds. I loaded the equivalent of three trucks in five hours and I had all day with nothing else to do since it was a Thursday. I felt like I could literally throw all day. Another two trucks would have been a new personal best for a week as far as I know, and I felt I had at least that in me if not more.

And so then they told me they had run out of work.

I was stunned. What do you mean? I have like a bajillion kilojules of surplus energy. They can't send me home like that. I had at least 2,000 more calories that I needed to expend before I could feel in sync with the world. And I only work four days a week so I might be stuck like that all weekend. But they sent me home in that condition. I tried to run around cleaning my house, but that didn't do anything. I was stuck that way.

So that ended up meaning that I made a lot of money. I'm eager to see how I throw next week. There probably won't be nearly that many trucks to throw, but I'd like to see if I can throw that fast again.

But that can wait until Monday I suppose. Tomorrow the Bloodthirsty Vegans and I have another exciting adventure playing the WNY Peace Center Annual Dinner. That's going to ROCK!

be Peace,
-Alex

five

five

(this news item posted on November.02.2007)

five trips around the sun for our love
the year together, the years apart, the years together again
five repetitions of four seasons in various variations
sixty five wax and wanes
ebbs and flows
rages and pages
receivers and stages
we've met up in some strange places along the way
we've made some interesting friends
we've made up, made amends
made the true believers and the new believers uncomfortable
when
we've refused to pretend
Five times outlasted the darkness,
and waited long enough for our side of this big ball of iron to tilt back toward the sun.
we've made it over impassable terrain.
With ease.
With unease.
With out a doubt that doubts would always be about
we've loved and lost, turned and tossed and settled in
and remained best friends
five trips around the sun so far
you remind me of that star

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<< Previous |

The Garden

The Garden

(this news item posted on June.12.2007)

Once upon a time when Heather and I were just starting a newish relationship, I spied her reading a book. We had found that we enjoyed reading books together, but this was a big thick book that looked very different from the kinds of books we liked to read.

"No offence", she said, but I'm getting kind of tired of all the political books. I was taken aback by that. The world was going to hell in a hand basket and obviously we needed to read every goepolitical acology and human rights based book available. But here instead she had a work of anthropological fiction: The Clan of the Cave Bear by Jean Auel.

THEN, after she finished this huge book she started reading ANOTHER ONE. Apparently this was a series of books. So finally my curiosity got the best of me and I accepted her offer to read it with her.

So what the Earth's Children series of books by Jean Auel are basically about is a young woman named Ayla. And Ayla is a very beautiful and industrious woman who end up inventing just about everything in human history. Before the tender age of 25 this young woman has invented projectile weapons and sewing needles and pioneered the domestication of horses and hunting dogs and has a pet lion for a while, she discovered fire stones and revolutionized fire making, and she had a whole wealth of knowledge about medicinal plants.

Maybe it's not the most realistic story ever, and the books really tend to drag on in places, but they were a surprisingly fun read. We ended up reading them all. And somewhere along the way we started to think of plants as the fundamentally valuable part of our world that they actually are.

Heather started to want chamomile blossoms and echenacea blossoms for tea and she started eating the wild mint that grows around our house. The anti-capitalist in me was very taken by the idea of free food that just come right out of the ground. And so little by little we began to have a garden.

Heather's first book and a lot of stories she has to tell talk of Sunflowers. I really felt very strongly that she should have some and so last year we went to the MAP gardens and gathered some sunflower seeds that were dropping out of the spent sunflowers. I didn't know how easy they were to grow and didn't do any actual reasearch on how to plant them we just stuck em in the ground and hoped. And now we have an adolescent sunflower growing up before our eyes. It's like magic.

And we managed to put enough sticks and stakes around the dewberry bushes to stop the landlord from mowing them down when he swing that noisy gas powered thing all around, so there will be a huge bounty of berries this year. Free food is the best tasting food that was ever invented.

I transplanted a lot of mint and lambs quarters and clover since the people here at the house will eat it.

Spending time with plants would never have seemed like a worthwile or productive use of time five years ago. But it somehow is. Plants make really good air, they're calming to be around, they're good eatin, and they are FREE.

Anyone know where one can get a mechanical push mower these days? We really need one.

Peace,
-Alex

Well... That Went Well

Well... That Went Well

(this news item posted on June.04.2007)

Monday morning, back to the daily grind after a weekend of being a rockstar. All three performances this weekend turned out much better than I expected.

DanceAlive was an amazing time. Every time I perform with the Blood Thirsty Vegans I feel more and more a part of a musical family. We even had my friend Kush back from Africa to do his beatboxing thing. We danced like there was no tomorrow, and there were children everywhere and they all really got into it.

BeatFest on Saturday was also really good. Having to drive so far to get to it gave plent of time for me and Heather to bond with the ever gregarious Kirk who came to add some beatboxing to my words. It was a long wait to get on, and trying to do a poem with no music first wasn't really going anywhere, but as soon as me and Kirk mixed our stuff together the audience really got into it. It was a really fun time.

And Sunday night at the Bird House was a strange phenomenon as well. I can't ever tell if the people at the Bird House intend on doing what they say they're going to do or if they can get it together and pick a direction to head in. It sure didn't seem like there was going to be a concert there that night. But, I guess when there're so many people there in one house, they can clear a room and create a stage in no time and they know what they're doin. Rapping at the bird house with an impromptu djembe player was really, really, really well recieved. Those kids seem to really read a lot and know a lot and at least 5 or six kinds from the bird house have already read my books. It's a strange and wonderful and frightening place all at the same time, and it was a great show. The guy that came on after me was an absolutely amazing guitarist and lyricist.

Peace & Love
-Alex

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<< Previous |

Show Schedule

Show Schedule

(this news item posted on May.31.2007)

After one of the busiest weeks of work in recent memory (I'm exhausted), I have one of the busiest weekends of performing coming up.

Friday - June 1 @ 6pm = DanceAlive 2.0 at the UU Church of Buffalo (695 Elmwood). Me and the Blood Thirsty Vegans are going to try to open some minds and move some behinds.


Saturday - June 2 @2pm = BEATFest 3. My friends at the Buffalo Environmental Action Team will be hosting their thirst annual BEATFest to benefit PUSH Buffalo. I think my friend Kirk will be helping me out with some man made beats. I will get to rock the same stage as a moose ton of excellent local talents.
BEATFest Website

Sunday - June 3rd, sometime during the afternoon of evening I will be stopping by the Bird House (on the corner of Bird and West) to kick it with whoever's down to collaborate. Bird House is hosting DIYFest (Do It Yourself) and hosting seminars on how to find free food, how to make musical instruments out of stuff you find, how to make hunting weapons and shoes, creative writing workshop and all kinds of stuff like that. The DIYFest is June 1st - 5th.

So, now I got to go to work and toss tons of tires, and hopefully I see some folks out and about in and around Buffalo over the weekend.

Peace & Love,
-Alex

Magic Meeting

Magic Meeting...

(this news item posted on May.28.2007)

Yep. Life is still going great.

I have been involved with a LOT of groups over the last five years, and I have attended a LOT of meetings. I have come to really detest meetings. My eyes glaze over and I have to send my mind to a happy place and sometimes have to do all kinds of mental gymnastics to manage my anger as all kinds of time gets absorbed into arguments about irrelevant things or some person, starved for attention, holds everyone's attention hostage telling everyone all about their life, usually while trying to convince everyone that their going to reveal how it's related to the meeting in a minute. Yeah, that's how meetings usually go for me.

Until now.

The Art Activists of Buffalo Collaborative Community had its first meeting since Eddie and Christina arrived. We ended up putting three items on the agenda because that was what was needed. We did not draw out any one agenda item and beat it to death, but then nor did we leave any agenda item before everyone was really finished talking about it. We all managed to come to consensus about everything after some occasionally intense disagreements. Most of all though, everybody's gifts and talents were needed and offered before the meeting was through and everyone seemed to have gained a real appreciation for everyone else by the time our first house meeting was through.

This past week we've been saying the AABCC is alike a super hero team. It really is. Four very different people with four very different sets of skills and four different belief systems all coming together around the idea that there is a better way to live and a desire to discover it together.

Yep. Life is still going great.

Writing Down My Life In No Particular Order

Writing Down My Life In No Particular Order

(this news item posted on May.21.2007)

Once upon a time I wrote this book. It was called How to Care About Humans and it was pretty much just the story of my life. Or the story of the life of a person that I used to be some three plus years ago.

Man, it was fun to write. I haven't read it in a while, but I remember it being really fun to read too. It was a bit easier to have a sense of humor about the world back then.

Every once in a while I work on writing a second volume. I've given myself a deadline that's 30 years from now. So, as you might imagine, I'm in no particular rush and long stretches go by where I don't write anything but these journal entries.

I have one rule that I make myself follow when I'm writing it. One year must pass before I write about any given thing. Enough time to make it past tense. Other than that I don't have to write it in order or write it all in the same style or anything.

It's really fun to see how my life goes in cycles. The people go in cycles. Right now I have all of these intense feelings about Heather and Christina, and I can use those feelings to write about the intense feelings I had about them a year ago or two years ago. My life is fun that way. And I'm reuniting with my Ice9 poetry family after a year's hiatus, so it's the perfect time to write some Ice9 history now that those feelings are being stirred in the pot.

For as angry as I am at humanity for what we allow to happen to ourselves and our surroundings, I have to say these are some interesting and fun times to be a writer.

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<< Previous |

Sweet Victory

Sweet Victory

(this news item posted on April.29.2007)

I firmly believe that there is a major conflict going on on the planet Earth. A conflict between love and fear. I have been having this battle on a personal level all my life, and today I won a major victory where I kicked fear right in the eye and made it die.

When I was little, back before I realized there was any significance to this conflict, I had many fears. Perhaps not more or less than most youngsters, but in our society, youngsters have many fears. And I had my share. I was DEATHLY afraid of any flying insects whether they stug or not. Whether they bit or not. Just flying was enough. And I was oh so afraid of germs. GERMS ARE EVERYWHERE!!!! RUN! I was terrified of dirty dishes and dirtly laundry, and sure, it was convenient, but I was also resigned to it as a fact of life. These "phobias" are just always going to be with me. But the biggest fear of all, the king-daddy was the fear of rejection. The fear that people weren't going to like me. And that no woman was ever going to let me touch her boob. The possibility of that seriously traumatized me. A LOT.

So, I began scoring small but impressive victories before I was even really very aware of the scope of the confrontation. My mother was sick and made a lot of dirty laundry and could not do laundry herself and so somehow I just found the inner strength to start doing laundry. And even though the thought of her maybe saying no made my stomach wrench with flummoxed pain I found the courage to ask Heather for her phone number and then ask her out on a date. And then when she moved in and she was like "No, you just don't understand. I have SO much stress! I have to work constantly. Home. Work. Home. Work. If I have to wash ALL of the dishes I'm going to FREAK OUT!" And so I found the strength to touch the dirty dishes with ALL THE GERMS IN THEM! And after a while went by and I didn't die, germs didn't seem so scary. By the time Opus 2003 rolled around I was washing dirty dishes for 120 people.

All of that was well and good. But there was still something gnawing at me. Something that felt undone. I felt like I had something to say. Something that the world needed to listen to. Part of it seemed obvious enough. I had books to write. No problem, not at all afraid of writing a book. But, for some inexplicable reason, I felt called to perform. Do poetry in front of a live audience or something. Or even RAP. Terrifying!

This call made absolutely no sense. So I ignored it and just let the phone keep ringing. I was SO DEATHLY afraid of public speaking. I had a public speaking course in college. I gave my little 10 minute speach with my hand shaking and the paper rattling and my voice quivering and me trying to hide behind the rattling piece of paper more and more. I gave that speach, I passed that class and that was IT! I was never, ever, ever, ever going to have to appear in public again. Plus, I already knew with a certainty that I suck as a performer and my words should be read without having to subject people to my voice.

Yet, still... something was calling me. Made no sense. Until I met Amy. And I began to get the feeling that I wanted to impress her enough that maybe, just maybe, I could deliver a poem in front of people. So I tried it and it didn't work. Whatevs. No big loss. And then I went to Opus 2004 and I was feeling such love that my fear began to melt away just long enough that I could deliver a poem in front of my Opus peeps. That was such an amazing feeling. I felt very loved.

I got home determined to answer the call and do it some more. And I tried. At an open mic at a place that used to be on Elmwood called Coffee&. And it didn't work out. And I was daunted. But not enough to keep me from trying again. And again. And eventually I started getting it right. I was afraid. But my fear was manageable. I was learning coping strategies. I was improving with practice. I was receiving just enough love from my performances that I was able to push my fear away a little more every time.

Over the last couple years fear has mostly disipated. Audiences get larger. The nervousness gets a little less. I went from being nervous 3 days before a show... to two days before a show... to one day... to hours beforehand... to minutes... to only nervous while I'm performing. That's where I was last month when I played for the Bloodthirsty Vegans for the first time. I was just a little scared. But that's natural right? I mean I felt like that was the best one could do. You're always going to be a little scared I figured. That's no big deal.

And then I got the DVD of our performance and watched myself. I looked like I was having a pretty good time, but why was I so wooden? So stiff? The music is so awesome, so why was I holding back on the dancing and the smiling and the joy? Why?

Fear.

Watching myself on DVD gave me a new outlook on performing. I was going to write a "New Outlook on Life" blog post before the Lizzard Ball, but I was afraid to commit to it. I had it as a goal and objective to really pursue my joy at the Lizzard Ball and embrace love and ignore fear. Most of the people at the Lizzard Ball love me or only fail to love me because they don't know me yet. So that was what I wanted from the Lizzard Ball. To be loose and free. Freedom from fear is a very powerful kind of free.

So tonight I won. I succeeded. I got so loose that performing was just absolutely nayural and joyous. I would not have won this victory without love and fearlessness from my friends. We have this whole stupid society that conditions us to be afraid. BE CONSTANTLY, CONTINUOUSLY AFRAID. And so it's hard to get free from it by yourself. But my friends Lara and LJ were there. And Lara let me sing with her and that was so freeing. And then when the Bloodthirsty Vegans started performing Lara and LJ just started dancing so freely, so joyously that everything was going to be alright. And then Amy and Sophia from my Ice 9 family jumped up and they started dancing so joyously and so free too. And before you knew it there were almost a dozen free humans who could just exist in the moment of their freedom.

When it came time to rap, man, I just didn't care. All I wanted to do was return as much love as I was receiving but it was coming in faster than I could give it back. The Bloodthirsty Vegans were playing so amazingly and joyously so I just channeled the love as fast as I could.

Oh what a night.

Tonight the Green Party had the most profitable Lizzard Ball that they've had since I became a green. In fact it may be the first profitable one I've been associated with. That was just icing on the cake. And all of the solo performers got paid and the Bloodthirsty Vegans got free drinks all night, and I drank a lot of free water, and I just had the time of my life tonight.

I can't wait to do it again next year.

be Love,
-Alex

Upcoming Appearances...

Upcoming Appearances

(this news item posted on April.27.2007)

Time for more performing:

Saturday, April 28th (tomorrow night) at 7pm is the Lizzard Ball. Show up early and make sure you don't miss Lara Buckley! Me and the Bloodthirsty Vegans will be playing a great set featuring some of your favorite My Rap Name is Alex tunes.
http://www.myspace.com/lizzardball

Sunday, April 29th will be Urban Epiphany, the bestest poetry event in Western New York. I will be doing some performance poetry between the hours of 4 and 5pm.
http://urbanepiphany.com

Friday May 11th the wise and wonderful Anna Walsh and I will be hosting our monthly poetry and prose reading and discussion series.
http://ilovemycoop.com/calendar.cgi

I might be performing at the BEATFest preparty later that night.

Saturday May 19th I will be performing for the one year anniversary celebration of the Buffalo Wellness Cooperative.
http://ilovemycoop.com/calendar.cgi

and Saturday, June 2nd I will be out in the fresh air of the country to perform at Beatfest.
http://beatfest.com/

Also look for a series of monthly Bloodthirsty Vegans performances at the UU church of Buffalo. More details to come as they become available.

Peace & Love,
-Alex

New Song

New Song
(this news item posted on April.12.2007)

Been a while since I've written a song. And an even longer while since I posted one in my journal. I really don't know how I feel about this one. A long while ago I wrote a song called Commit which was intended to challenge myself. It was very well received. And I wanted to write another one to challenge myself some more. I started writing this song before Opus in Ioawa a couple years ago. I've written it about 12 times and never been satisfied with it. But I think this pretty close now. Maybe. I dunno. Bah. Whatever. It is what it is I guess.

All Winners
by My Rap Name is Alex
(Aug.2005 - Apr.2007)

we're all winners here
fighting to be free from fear
I say... we're all winners here
to me that's just crystal clear

Who told you people with pimples ain't appealin'
Or skinny blond girls don't have feelins
Who told you you were too big to be sexy
Or that the quiet voice is not worth respecting
Who told you a magazine cover's what you're supposed to be
As you are you look beautiful to me
You ain't too short, too black, too fat, too tall
I see nothing wrong with you at all
Soon as we get your wings unfurled
Your gifts are going to change the world
and...

we're all winners here
fighting to be free from fear
I say... we're all winners here
to me that's just crystal clear

  homegirl you're so hot
  what you got hits my spot
  I love you a whole lot
  you're awesome so why not

  and... and you must be doing something right (right)
  cause even when we just talk all night (right)
  spendin time with you is what I like (and)
  if lovin you was wrong I wouldn't wanna be right (aight)

  I was lost and alone wandering through the dark
  you took a hold of my hand.. a hold of my heart
  lit the flame to my chalice, fed my starving art
  so now we're always together, n'matter how far apart

  I'm sayin 4+ years dear and zero regrets
  and your love lets my love love whoever love lets
  So, now I know, that in many respects
  you're not just a good person, you're as good as it gets
  and...

we're all winners here
fighting to be free from fear
I say...hey, we're all winners here
to me that's just crystal clear

Who told you there was something wrong with hugging trees
Or it was wrong to just dangle in the breeze
Who told you a woman that likes it is a slut
Tell them they can lick your you know what
Who said a man is not a man if he's not strong
And who says there's such a thing as "do not belong"?
You're not too frail, too stale, too male, too pale
Time to believe we just can't fail
Soon as we get your wings unfurled
Your gifts are going to change the world
and...

we're all winners here
fighting to be free from fear
I say... we're all winners here
to me that's just crystal clear

  So, What if we, turned off the tv,
  And I touched you, then you touched me
  And then what if we giggled for fun, run out into the sun
  Where we all just fall into one
  And then start talking to strangers, flirting with danger
  communicate & relate without anger
  Next we could play a game where everyone could win it
  Then we could eat a meal with no animals in it
  And then go OUT get our groove on an', Dance until the dawn an'
  Remember it ALL in the mornin

And we're all winners here
fighting to be free from fear
I say... we're all winners here
to me that's just crystal clear

Who told me my lips were too big to make me handsome
And I was too tubby and chubby and that and some
And who's the ones that told me that I can't sing
Man, I got to sing, there's a joy I'm tryin'a bring
So now when people tell me right now I'm cool
I still know that I was picked last for dodge ball too
But, Soon as we get my wings unfurled
Our gifts are going to change the world
and...

we're all winners here
fighting to be free from fear
I say... I say... we're all winners here
to me that's just crystal clear

---

<< Previous |

New LOVE!

New LOVE!

(this news item posted on April.10.2007)

A couple Thursdays ago I went in to work to do any follow up training that might have been necessary for the evening shifts. There are a bunch of warehouse guys that are very curious about Roz and one of the guys that seems to be rooting for her asked me how she was working out with the tire throwing. I informed him that she had just thrown 18,000 pounds in a few hours and she was doing great. So his reply to me was "Wow. Marry that woman!"

Now apart from that being really strange criteria upon which to base a marriage, there's the fact that I feel like I mostly know Roz from when she was 6 and 7 years old and I feel more big brotherly toward her than anything (she is really cool, attractive and awesome though, don't get it twisted). But, considering that I'm out about my life and this seemed like a teachable moment, I figured I'd dig out the ultimate truth and go with that. I told him "I have two girlfriends already, and I don't see where I would ever find the time for a third."

Yeah. Um. Less than 24 hours later, I had a 3rd girlfriend.

But not just another girlfriend. NO NO NO.

Okay, it's like this. Imagine you're in love with the absolute perfect person for you. And then one day you get to be in love with the other absolute perfect person for you too. It's like that.

Okay, let me organize my thoughts for a second. Okay, now, in point of fact, yes I had two girlfriends at the time. And there have been times in the past few months where it's taken every moment I can find just to be a good partner in those relationships. But at that particular time, I had one girlfriend that had had a very traumatic personal tragedy and told me not to contact her until she contacted me, and another girlfriend that's gone out of state for six weeks. So, technically I did have SOME time. But I was very content; I was spending my mental energy on improving the relationships I had; I was just living the good life and then... BLAMO!

My fondness for my friend Christina is no secret really. I've blogged about her and posted Photojournals of us loving life, and shared a radio broadcast with her, and wrote about her in my autobiography, and told my two girlfriends that if she ever expressed the slightest interest in me all bets were off and that I probably wouldn't be able to wait to discuss it with them and that I would just have to tumble headlong into a movie-esque embrace and kiss her like there was no tomorrow.

And so over the last three years or so I've checked in with her every 6 months or so, reminding her that I thought she should let me be a boyfriend of hers. And she's mostly seemed pretty uninterested in that plan. But a couple friday nights ago... it just seemed like it was time to kiss her. And we kissed. And the universe shifted (again). And I just really really love her like crazy.

And she and Heather are great friends. And I feel all inspired and energized and I have a sense of anxious anticipation for the future from the moment I wake up. I feel like I live in some kind of unreal wish fulfillment universe. If you'd have told me 10 years ago that this was the way my life was going to go I'd have had a laughing fit. I have no idea how I accomplished all these cool books and websites and get to play with the Bloodthirsty Vegans, and have the awesomest girlfriends. To be perfectly honest, it doesn't even seem like it makes sense sometimes.

I have patterned my life around this idea that if I live my life to the best of my ability and really try to do right by others and do unto them as I'd have them do unto me... then my rewards will be automatic. But it was supposed to be theoretical. I don't think I even had a plan for what to do if it ever started REALLY working.

Love like your life depends on it. Because it does.

-be Love,
-Alex

---

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New Hobby

New Hobby

(this news item posted on April.09.2007)

Last year I started doing research for a book I will write some day called Alexandria. It's actually two books. It's historical fiction about Northern Africa in the 1300s.

One of the absolute best places I found to conduct said research was Wikipedia. There is SO MUCH information to be had there and more every day. I read about the 1200s and the 1300s until my eyes were about to bleed.

Then I got a bit sidetracked. I began to look up everything I was curious about. And then I discovered that if you saw a spelling or gramatical error anywhere on wikipedia you could just fix it right then and there. And then I figured out that if information was missing you could add it. And then I found out you could spend the rest of your life on Wikipedia because stuff gets added even faster than you'd be able to read it all. It's kinda mind boggling.

So, after a while I extricated my brain from the Wikipedia and got back to doing research and every once in a while I'd write an article. It's kind of fun. And kinda nerdy. And pretty interesting. And ultimately useful I think.

I have a few long term goals on the Wikipedia:
* I'd like to get some of the mainstream cultural bias out of the articles about adoption and put some reality in.
* I'd like to make the articles on polyamory a bit more interesting.
* I'd like to create more pages for progressive artists and activists that deserve entries but don't have them.

And my ultimate long term goal is to do something big enough that an article that can be written about me that won't get deleted.

Anyway, this journal entry is starting to feel more like a confession of a guilty pleasure so I think I'll just end it here and post it before I end up deleting it.

be Peace,
-Alex

---

<< Previous |

New Employee

New Employee

(this news item posted on April.07.2007)

A little more than a year ago I went on my friend Theresa's radio show, speakEasy, to promote my newly published book, Relations: McEmpire.

It was my fourth or fifth appearance on her show. Her show was fun to go on because we were pretty good friends and I could talk about whatever I had come on to promote, but she would also just start asking about my life and opinions on various things. The conversation could range all over.

During the course of that radio show she started asking me about my job throwing tires. And then a bit later one of the follow up questions she asked me was "Do they have any women throwing tires there where you work?"

And there weren't. And for some reason that question just always stuck with me. I thought about it a lot. Of course, they hadn't made me a boss there yet, so I couldn't do much more than think about it. But, half a year later they made me the boss, and I started to think about it more seriously.

Mostly I would think things like "What woman would WANT to throw tires?" "What woman has the right mix of physical and mental characteristics to do a good job?" and that kind of thing.

One day, sometime around November 2006, I was minding my own business and logging onto my mySpace and there were a bunch of friend requests that seemed to be a bunch of spammers right in a row. Nevertheless, I clicked over to each one to make sure they weren't someone I actually did know before deleting their requests. And low and behold, one of them was an actual person. And that person was Roz (pictured above).

My mother used to get great joy from networking with other mothers and doing a lot of neighborhood coparenting. And my mom would teach me how to do it also. Together my mom and I were mothers' assistants to lots of neighborhood moms and we co-mothered lots of kids. Roz was one such kid. She lived three doors down from us and she came to be very much like a little sister to me.

So I was very eager to catch up on her life and see how she had been and where her life had taken her (as it was now 20 years later). And her blog was full of smart sarcastic commentary, and her picture gallery was full of athletic related pictures (basketball and weightlifting and all that).

Okay, so, putting two and two together, this would be the perfect person to invite to come throw tires. And as luck would have it we were in a period where we needed as many employees as we could locate. So I invited her. And... she was busy at the time.

But a couple months later she was less busy. And so I hired her. And... And, I dunno. I'm not sure if it's right to enjoy it so much that I'm introducing such chaos into the unigendered world that the guys in the warehouse had created for themselves. It's all I can do to keep from laughing at some of the reactions sometimes. It seems like a lot of males in the warehouse have a vested interest in her not being able to do the job. Like they take it personally somehow.

And I like breaking up their unigendered language.
"Hey Alex, how many guys you got coming in tonight?"
"I have three guys and one woman."
or
"When is 33 door going to be finished?"
"She only had two pallets left to go when I was over there."
"????? You have a GIRL throwing tires?"
"She's female. Yes."

She pays attention to detail. Follows instructions. Asks questions when she's uncertain. Works safely. Honors her word. She's just a much better loader than half the guys who've been working there much longer.

So, whoever said "You can't find good help these days," was wrong. They just didn't know where to look.

:)

be Peace,
-Alex

New Band & New Website

New Band & New Website...

(this news item posted on April.05.2007)

So, the band isn't totally new. I blogged about them before. But, what's new is that the Bloodthirsty Vegans and I (MyRapNameIsAlex) performed out. We performed at the UU church of Buffalo and we totally rocked the house.

click here to listen (click on the yellow links when you get there)

Pictured to the right are the following bloodthirsty vegans (left to right): Mike, Kilissa, Duh, Paul and Greg. Not pictured are Roland and Kush. Click link #1 on that page to hear Kush beatbox with the band.

And, speaking of that page, the website's not exactly new either, but I've recently put a lot more content on it, so if you haven't already, have a look around:

MyRapNameIsAlex.com

be Peace,
-Alex

Seasonal Depression

Seasonal Depression...

(this news item posted on April.03.2007)

I don't suffer from season depression. Or any kind of depression. I don't even really get sad very often. A lot of my friends do though. Gratitude for Springtime I guess. I'm not a big fan of having my friends all sad. Especially when they're all threatening to move away.

Okay, so this is a journal entry that I've been sitting on for more than a month I guess. It was about a month ago and a high percentage of the people close to me were all talking about heading out of state, for long periods of time if not forever. One of my girlfriends seemed like she was quite possibly breaking up with me. To top it all off I got called into work for about 12 hours without pay on my day off to fix a screw up from one of our employees who could avoid screwing up if he would just pay attention sometimes or care a little bit about his job. And on that day, as I was sorting through tires one by one in the dark it occured to me that if I did feel like being depressed maybe that wouldn't be so unreasonable. But I was still relatively chipper. So I began composing this blog entry as I worked. Only I never got an opportunity to type it out when I got home. So, here it is a month later.

This entry is about my best guesses as to what it is that keeps me afloat. Why all kinds of awful can darken my doorstep and I'm only mildly disheartened by it. Here's the enumerated list.

1. Relationships - The biggest factor is having the human relationships that I need in my life to stay okay. No matter whatever else is going on in life I feel like Heather will always love me, and that's like a huge boulder of stability in the ol' foundation. And I feel like I have more friends than I could even spend time with, and community stuff to do all the time and people who have attention for me and whant to know what I'm up to and who have interesting stories to tell and that's the stuff that makes life worth living.

2. Upbringing - My mother did a really good job of raising me such that I don't spend too much time focussed on things beyond my control. Seems like really catastrophic things don't bother me if I know I can't do anything about them at present. I just put my time in on things that I can affect and keep my eye on all the rest in case I can affect it later.

3. Purpose - I feel like I know what I'm supposed to be doing in life with writing books and all. I feel like I have books to write that no one else can write and that actually need to be written and that somehow makes it easy to get up in the morning.

4. Clensed - I have big gratitude that I have a job that allows me to sweat even in the dead of winter. I think that renewal of water and the ability to release body fluids --sweat in particular-- is key to keeping healthy and energized. I feel like my circulatory system, immune system, metabolism and all that are on overdrive. And I like it.

5. Light - I get outsight and absorb what light there is even when there isn't much. Even on the shortest days of the year, being out on my bike and having some direct sunlight on my face helps. I'm pretty sure of that.

With hope that any of that is of any use to anyone.

-Alex

STOP: BlogTime!

STOP: BlogTime!

(this news item posted on April.02.2007)

Blogging. For me it comes and it goes I guess. I spend a few months where I make the time to write about my life every week or two in the hopes that my friends can keep up on my life to the extent that they're interested. Then I spend a couple months where every moment of life is absorbed by the living of it. Such has been the case in the last couple months. And then I get to the point where I feel like I just have to explode and tell whoever is out there listening all about whatever is the latest glorious adventure. And that time... is now. (Almost now).

Stay tuned to this space for the next couple weeks, I have a lot of entries saved up and a lot of news to report: New Band, New Website, New Employee, New Hobby, NEW LOVE, New lease on life, and that's just the new stuff.

---

<< Previous |

Anniversaries

Anniversaries

(this news item posted on February.13.2007)

February 13th - in February of 1994 I became a vegetarian. Took my last intentional bite of animal pieces. It might not actually be the 13th, that was just a day I picked out of the air. I spent years being a vegetarian not sure of when it started. Years later when I became curious about when it started I found an old AMProGram newsletter that told me which month and year I started. Could have been any day between the 1st and 21st of Feb. 13th just kinda felt right, so that's been the day for me to feel it every year. Hasn't killed me yet, and I have to believe the animals in the interconnected web of life are okay with it.

Dec 29th - 2004 was the day I became UU. (speaking of the interconnected web and all).

Jan 1st - 2004 was the day I announced my intention to become polyamorous. Pretty clear on that date. T'was the wee hours of the morning after Heather and I tried to break up. It doesn't feel like it's even been one year let alone three. What they say about the flying and the fun I guess.

June - 1999 was when we gave our car to Jerry. I think. Not so clear on that date. It has been roughly 8 years of year round biking/walking for me. I wonder if Jerry still has access the exact date.

Feb 25 of 2005. That was the day Relations: McEmpire was born. My book is gonna be two years old in a couple weeks. Wow.

August 21st of 1991. That was the day I got a P.O. Box and started a software company. Seems like a lifetime ago.

I like dates and times and marking another year off the calendar. Having a sense of accomplishment for feeling right with the universe or even just right with yourself for yet another year.

Good stuff. I recommend it.

Peace & Love,
-Alex

Being OUT

Being OUT

(this news item posted on February.04.2007)

There are a lot of different questions that people ask me when I tell them I'm polyamorous. One of the ones that really sets me to thinking is the one that goes something like "Yeah but, aren't you afraid people are going to find out?"

The answer has to be a fairly obvious no. I've written an autobiographical book, much of which is about polyamory, and published it on line. I then write two novels with polyamory as a central feature. Anyone who asks me about my relationships in any way that requires me to bring up the subject gets an honest answer. So, apparently... no, I'm not afraid people are going to find out.

That's not the part that requires much thinking. The part that I often think about for hours afterwards is 'Why do so many people think I'm supposed to be afraid that people are going to find out?'

I suppose that's all easy for me to say. Most of my close family --my maternal grandparents and my mother-- have passed away and that frees me from worry about "What is my family going to think?" I have a forgetful uncle that I'm pretty close to who is always asking me questions about "my girlfriend" which prompt me to ask "Which girlfriend?". I've revealed to him that I'm polyamorous enough times to make up for not having a large immediate family.

But before not having a lot of close living family members even becomes a factor, the real heart of the matter is that my mother taught me not to do things that I'd be ashamed or embarrased about or didn't have a good reason for doing. And so I've gotten used to being able to easily and explain and talk about all of my life choices. Having taught me that, she then became very accepting of whatever the actual choices were that I made in life. I have no doubt that if she'd have still been alive and I'd have brought Heather home to her and introduced her to my new polyamorous girlfriend she'd have responded with "As long as that's what makes you happy." And a year later if I'd have told her "Hey mom, I'm becomming polyamorous myself now." she'd have responded with "That's fine if that's what makes you happy." She'd have been needling me for grandkids along the way probably, but that's the basic jist of how it would go.

So, I am comfortable with my decisions. I'm secure in the knowledge that my loved ones are or would have been comfortable with my decisions. So, who else am I supposed to be afraid of finding out? I've told my coworkers. I would tell my boss if the topic ever came up. I've told people I felt would be completely comfortable with it and weren't and I've told deeply religious Christian types who I've expected would wig out (some of whom haven't). I basically can't find anybody to be afraid of.

It's very liberating. Where it harms none and makes you happy, do what thou wilt.

----
This journal entry was inspired by having --on a whim-- decided to type out the story of meeting Heather on the UUPA listserve. And then someone on the listserve suggested that I should submit it to Polyamorous Percolations to be published. And I said sure. And I did so. And now, there it is for the whole world to see. And the editor asked me what I wanted to use as an alias or a pen name, and that question boggled my mind for a second. Like "Hey, that was some good writing. What, you think I don't want to take credit for it?"

I like having difficulty relating to fear of consequences. Liberating. That's how we eventually get free; we remove the smelly buckets of festering consequences from above one another's heads.

I'm With the Band

I'm With the Band...

(this news item posted on January.21.2007)

Is it storytelling time again? Already? Yay!

Last weekend I was telling this story to my girlfriends around the breakfast table and it was kind of fun to tell and pretty meaningful.

---

The year was 1990 or thereabouts. I was a student at Buffalo State college. A computer major. And some of my computer major friends had a band. With two drummers. But that part's not important.

The part that's important is that they somehow lost thier lead singer. And I overheard them talking about looking for a new lead singer. I used to sing Michael Hutchense (INXS) songs in my car really loud and fantasize about them making a video of me and all that. I mean EVERYBODY imagines they could be the lead singer if they just got the right lucky break. Y'know.

So I asked my friends if they would let me try out as lead singer for their band. They looked surprised, and asked me... "Can you sing?" Well, DUH. I Mean, can't everybody?!?! I told them I surely could sing and how do I go about becoming their new lead singer. So they gave me a casette tape with four songs on it and told me to memorize the lyrics by friday night. Then meet them at the church where they rehearse.

So, you should know that memorization is generally no problem for me. There were two Tom Petty songs, a song by Rush and a song that I don't remember who it was sung by. I memorized all four by Friday. I still remember most of the lyrics. And, I actually just remembered the fourth song was by Tesla. But that's not important.

What was important was that I TOTALLY SUCKED. I was so terrified. OMG! So, so, so, so scared. It sent me into extreeme anxiety just to even walk onto the stage, let alone speak into the microphone. I froze. Often. I forgot the lyrics every two lines or so. I couldn't sing any louder than whisper quiet. I was afraid someone might hear me. Man it was awful. They tried every trick they could think of to relax me, give me every opportunity, hope the night wouldn't be a total loss. They asked me to sing songs I knew a bit better and they'd impprovise the music. I tried singing some INXS songs, but I blanked on all those lyrics too. In a last ditch effort they asked me to rap. I tried that too. No good. I officially sucked. Sucked bad. That part was significant.

I decided that I had learned an important lesson about reality. That certain things seem easy until you do them. And that not everyone was cut out to be on stage or speak into microphones. Singing should be left to the professions. Sure, you never know unless you try... but I had tried and failed miserably, and I could know forevermore that I had given my 15 minutes of fame a shot and was glad to have tried at and learned that it's just not what I was cut out for.

The End.

---

And oh what a difference 17 years makes.

Some of you know that I do a little rap thing now and again these days. I do performance poetry. On stages. In front of audiences. Sometimes into microphones. Not that I always need microphones cause I can get loud on my own. I remember a TON of lyrics. Kinda like lyrics on demand. And I've been having fun with that for a couple years now.

BUT... I hadn't really had any occasion to rap over live music before. I've always wanted to. But the opportunity never really arose.

Enter, Paul Z. He's a guitar guy at my church. He does an annual music service for our church. I've seen it once. It's good stuff.

So, I've been a member of the UU Church of Buffalo for about 4 years now. I've performed in my church for events that have been held there, but I've never actually been before the church to perform for the congregation or anything.

One special event held at my church --happened last summer-- was a benefit for the WNY Peace Center, and a bunch of people from my church were there and saw me do my thing. And Paul Z --who I knew a little bit because he had bought my book and talked about it with me a bit-- came up and reminded me that he does an annual thing performing for a sunday service and all that. He said "Let's do something with Hip Hop. Would you be interested?"

So, like, he was serious. And now all of a sudden there are these rehersals. And I'm rapping and everything... except now there's this band and stuff. And they're all really kick ass musicians. And last week was our first rehearsal, and today was our second, and both times we've really blown up the spot.

Usually, performing for me, it's all about the message. Someone gives me a microphone and an audience and I'm not going to waste it. I'm going to hit them with the most carefully considered lyrics I could come up with and infuse it with passion and hope with my most solemn hope that it will lead to someone thinking of something in some new way... inspire someone to do something, get active, start helping.

This feels kind of different. It feels much more like showing off. It's kind of like this... I've already written the lyrics. They are what they are. The message can't help but shine through. I can relax now. Not worry about that part. It's all taken care of. Instead, I can relax and feel the power of music cradling my voice. I feel very much like a modern day Michael Hutchence. I'll be rappin, like 'Damn! The kid is bringing the hot heat!'

If at first you don't succeed I guess. Y'know.

Thanks for listening.

The end, again.

---

The Church of Hip Hop will be happening at the UU church of Buffalo, 695 Elmwood (at West Ferry) on Sunday March 18th at 10:30am

Then in April I will be performing at the Lizzard Ball

And in June (probably) I will be performing at BeatFest 2007.

Good times.

Time and time again...

Time and time again...

(this news item posted on January.09.2007)

As the Year changes on the calendar, so too does everything about my life.

One month ago I was compelled to work 12 hour days, and I was producing a weekly radio show. Heather and I each had a general awareness of some love eminating from the other human form in the bed, but we barely had time to share a meal and exchange a "Hey, How was your day?" before the daily grind would begin again.

Now, one month later everything has changed. The strike has ended at work and it's a struggle to even find 2 hours of real work to do at work. The radio station just up and poofed one day and there is no radio show, no interviews to conduct, no hours of mixing and editing, nada. I have a whole and unbroken 3 day weekend every week instead of spending Saturdays in a radio station Studio.

So, now I'm trying to negotiate the change of pace. Dedicating some time to my relationships with Heather and Beth was a given. We've been figuring a lot of stuff out. Sharing a lot of smiles. Heather has been making big moves in her endeavors as one of the foremost Natural Family Preservationists since the Allison Quets story splashed all over the headlines. Watching her and assisting her with that's been a really worthwhile way to spend some time. I've been looking out at my world wide web landscape, the unkempt array of domain names that look like an overgrown garden. I've been doing a bit of internet pruning here and there. And, of course, I've been making my way back to my writing.

The Problem With Earthlings. It's not a very large book at all. But it sure is taking a long time to write. I'm almost gunshy about tapping the keys on it again. Every time I've really developed a head of steam and gotten momentum on it I end up with a 12 hour workday or a weekly radio show or some such commitment or distraction.

Anyway, I should probably stop writing about writing and start writing.

...

...later. When I'm more well rested.

*yawn*